When She Wasn’t There
~Love was that which set ablaze my heart that cold night - when I sat sipping warm rum, feeling its tranquil warmth shroud my loneliness. I often chose to stare through this window, as the empty fields of winter grass reminded me of her; when she wasn’t there. I still dream of her empty pillow. I still can smell her as if it were only yesterday - when she dressed so elegantly - kissing me on the cheek and saying goodbye. My heart could no longer withstand pain - and those tiny moments, when she pretended to care seemed almost enough to subdue my madness. Even now it seems, in my somber existence - that she is only out with her friends; just like it once was - when she wasn’t there.~
These memories can never be enough to quench the desire or need for real love. People tell me that I live in a fantasy world, where these types of romantic ideals are unrealistic - and in the real world, they call this infatuation. The truth is, I don’t want to marry someone based on infatuation. After years with the same person some say, the intoxicating feelings subside. I agree that to feel this way is inappropriate through all the hours of every day - but should you not feel this way when alone with your lover? Cannot this earthshaking rush of euphoric desire exist in our private moments?
I still dream of a day that it will, and will never be able to stop hoping. There are people who are fortunate enough to have this type of love. I am not one of them. Is it possible that we have more than one person in this world that would be this ideal partner? Perhaps there are hundreds of such people, but I only need one. I think sometimes - when in the past, I could have been married. If I had, I would still be dreaming of the real love - the real love I so long for. For this reason, and no other - I would rather be alone.
Authors note:
This upwelling of emotion was inspired by another writer, whose beautiful prose taught me something which has helped me immensely. I learned I am not the only one who feels this way.
I have long written tales of horror and stories of nightmarish psychotic frenzy. I would have scoffed at the idea of ever writing about something romantic. Never did I expect this to happen.
It did happen, and for me - held the key to unlocking a part of my soul I’ve suppressed since childhood. I was going to publish another story I wrote - but because of inspiration - I chose this instead. You never know when inspiration will come, but when it does - it must be done!
Thanks Marzie!
p.s. I really don’t plan to stay alone. It’s just an expression, but could be part of some powerfully
romantic stories! (I am a writer you know)
Related Posts
Comments
14 Responses to “When She Wasn’t There”
Leave a Reply
Comment Count
Get your Badge!
-
Subscribe!
Bobby, If I didn’t know better, I would say that you’ve lost hope. I’ve been hurt before, And I dare say the pain is really unbearable. It does take a very long time to heal. But the things is, it does heal.
People deal with the pain differently. So, what works for me may not work for you. For that. I will refrain from giving any advice. But to dwell on the past to the detriment of the future is not the way to go. And to be alone, for me, is what making the pain more intense. It is the saddest things of all.
Hope is axis that keep the dreams alive. So never lose the hope…
- Joe
” Melancholy and sadness are the start of doubt… doubt is the beginning of despair; despair is the cruel beginning of the differing degrees of wickedness.”
- Isidore Ducasse Lautreamont
Joezul: No I haven’t lost hope at all. Hope is beautiful and I really don’t feel this way but it is an expression of a part of me. I wanted to capture the essence of how I have felt at times. I will not remain nor plan to stay alone.
The perspective or “window” I wrote this from was one of endless others from which I could have chosen. Writing this was very healthy and something unlike anything I have ever written.
We all deal with our past in different ways. I found new way of dealing with some locked up pain and I will be turning it all into what I hope will make some worthwhile reading!
Thank you for reading!!!!!
Hi Bobby, if in any way, my words had moved you to write this wonderful piece, I am glad. If what I wrote had inspired you to use past experiences and word them ever so gently into something this beautiful, I’m equally flattered.
The “magic” you found in me is what keeps me inspired to continue writing thoughts that will keep this feeling alive.
It’s good to live in a fantasy world sometimes. That way you can still enjoy all the good parts of love and life without going through their harsh realities.
Memories are so important to me. Even though they can never quench your true desires, they serve the purpose of taking you back to when everything felt complete. To go back in time sometimes and experience that sense of security, warmth and comfort where love once lingered, is good for any weary soul.
Thanks Bobby, am looking forward to your short stories
Hi Mariuca,
Writing this was so different from past writings and I found it to be very beneficial for my spirit. When I read your piece,I had never read anything phrased in such a way before. I related to it. I understood it. It was exactly what I needed at that precise moment in time.
Being a writer is a blessing and curse but I’ve learned it is so much more. I believe in things “magic” and that some writers possess qualities that capture our hearts and imaginations - inspiring us to write and live our lives with purpose and conviction.
I can’t explain how things happen the way they do, but I believe sharing with others things so meaningful - will spread good karma to all it touches.
A little “magic” goes a long way.
Thank you Mariuca for your lovely comment. I am the one who looks forward to anything you write:)
Hi Bobby,
I’m truly happy that you took my piece the way it was meant to be read and understood. I didn’t want to give away too much in what I wrote, but yet the aim was for my actual thoughts to come out clear if you really read between the lines.
I find that I write best when I’m suddenly inspired by a certain person, incident or even song that touched me at that very moment. I once wrote a short story at the spur of the moment (after a sad incident in my life) that captured the essence of my emotions exactly the way I wanted it to. Sometimes, I think I work best under pressure!
Hope you have a great day!
Hi Mariuca,
You have warmed my heart with your comments and made me smile. I am so happy to have met you in this way; it means the world to me.
I find I work best under pressure also, or perhaps when overwhelmed with emotion. I do believe things happen for a reason. No matter what
that reason may be, I do know one thing - I consider you to be a real
friend.
Thank you so much and have a great
day yourself!
i beleive a romantic man like u with those inspiring and touching words is realy very few guys can be found these days ..ur words are so nice and heart touching…my friend …my opinion if u seek true love u will find it …coz u are looking for it too…good luck and wish a very happy life
Hi Lilifxt,
Thank you for the kind words. I think
that good things happen to good people. True love, yes. Finding it
must be incredible because looking for it has been also. I wish you a happy life also!
… love does change from infatuation… and the thumping heart and clammy hands subside… but that doesn’t mean that its not as powerful.. its most powerful when you know each others worst faults and yet love enough to be there and feel their pain as your own.
Flashy isn’t always beautiful… sometimes the deepest love is often the quietest
It disguises itself as time passes
Hi Random Magus,
Yes. Of course I think I’ll be careful about falling in love, and try to be. When it happens often all logic goes right out the window and you fall. I’ve learned that I can’t control love but must deal with all it brings - good and bad. Thank you for your thought provoking comment!!!
I wish you the best of luck in finding that one person that makes you feel that you’re safe in the world in their love!
Hi Random Magus,
I just left a relationship and actually am not in a hurry for anything. I don’t want perfection - just honesty, willingness and integrity. I will get married one day but now I am just learning and enjoying life. I thank you for the kind gesture. Thank you very much!
Hi Bobby,
I’m so happy that you think of me as a true friend. I find myself having this instant connection with you and your writing. I love reading things that have a deeper meaning to it when you actually dissect what’s written.
If you get the chance and would like to enjoy a good read, I’d like to recommend We The Living by Ayn Rand, which is my all-time fav! Can’t believe I read it 4 times! And, if ever I decide to share my short stories with anyone, you will be first on my list. Good night and sweet dreams!
Mariuca:
You have made me so happy. Very, very
happy. I will read your book recommendation. I’ve read only one Ayn Rand book: “The Virtue of Selfishness”. You are the coolest!
Talk to you soon :):):)