Revellian: Growing as a Person
I’ve recently come to terms with something and have a clarity about myself that is both disturbing and good; I now have new goals because of this. What scares you? What is your greatest fear? Do you envy others? Are you greedy? Would you be emotionally hurt from losing money? Would losing a friend hurt more? My greatest fear is being left.
Having a friend or family member just disappear with no goodbye or explanation. Most of my relatives I grew up having in my life have all moved far away. I think this had an effect on me early on and also the death of my father.
My father and I had no relationship at all except for hatred and loathing. When he became sick from cancer with only a few weeks to live, we became friends. My father, once bed ridden, thought because of his neglecting his son - that I would laugh and tell him good riddance. I surprised him, this hardened military man had a softness buried inside that I quickly recognized.
I forgave him and instead of his dying days being filled with despair and sorrow, they were filled with the greatness of love and happiness. My sister and mother actually saw his last moment. He had been comatose for 3 days and we were waiting for his last breath. My sister said that he awakened suddenly, opened his eyes and smiled. He almost sat up reaching both of his arms as if to hug someone. She said he looked joyous and loved, his arms reaching straight up. He then fell back and was gone. She said, “Dad went to heaven.”
My best friend growing up, left me behind without even a phone call. I was told one day that he had married and moved away. I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend. He was my roommate in college and we were inseparable. We also were funny. We made people laugh, fall on the floor gasping for breath everywhere we went. We had a great time. I have an old myspace account that I never use anymore. I got an e-mail about someone trying to be my friend on myspace. I checked it out and discovered it was him.
My best friend who left me behind with no explanation, after 6 years, tried to be my friend on myspace. I cannot believe that he would do that. I didn’t accept. If he wanted to ask me for forgiveness he should have come to see me face to face and asked. I can tell you that he would never ask as he could never realize that he needed to. He cannot see a reason. That’s a good enough reason for me to forget about this person and finally move on.
Now I am realizing I cannot walk around fearing that friends will just leave. I have discovered that most people aren’t like my friend. Most people talk things through. I am working on this issue, and writing this is good therapy. I feel great today and I feel happy. I am putting more and more behind me everyday and growing as a person for the first time:)
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Hey Bobby, great post. For me and I will only write on my experience so don’t get offended
People come and people go, circumstances and situations occur and peole get hurt. Sometimes the perspective we “see” isn’t the only one that exists. There are many who have so called left my life only to return at a later time; their reapperance often left me baffled and confused as well as allowed the old hurt to resurface.
But the journey in life often presents the opportunity to set things right. I know I have not always been the greatest person and have inflicted my share of pain on others..I try and I write try to just allow people to be who they are and to respect their process. We all make mistakes, have poor judgement calls and get distrated by the wrong info…But in the end none of us want to have to carry the burden of the past on our shoulders into the present.
You have the right to allow who you don’t want in your life as well as who you do want in your life…But never miss the message of love and forgiveness of “self” that often is presented before you by the very same outside influences that may have inflicted pain in the past.
Every day is a day in which the past can be laid to rest with the knowledge that we all do our best with what we know at any given moment. Each lesson that is offered is simply an opportunity to be more then the emotions that keep us stuck in fear and hurt.
*Smile*
Morgan: Thank you very much, you have given me something to think about
Bobby, I too have issues around people leaving. Its incredibly difficult, but I think if you understand (I’m saying this to myself too) that not everyone will leave you like other people have, you can begin to trust and be open a little bit more. Though it is a really tough issue, it sounds like you are well on your way to healing and moving forward.
Holly Gl: It can be a difficult subject to deal with. I am on my way, thank you
Bobby, this is a very inspiring post to me. Sorry to hear that you & your daddy has some hatred before but all is forgiven. Sadly, he passed away with a serious illness. I can imagine how serious & sick he is bcos my eldest brother got cancer too. Whole family is sadden with the fact & just got to accept that he is handicapped now. Reading your post just brings tears to my eyes cos I thought of my brother….
Janice: I’m sorry about your brother. I had tears writing this post but I want to get through the hangups I have and grow. You have been such a good friend, it is a friendship I cherish:smile:
Since you’ve done it, I’ll also share my biggest fears. They both seem to have to do with failure somehow.
I fear losing my job and not being able to find a new one, losing my house and car and not being able to provide for my girls. My husband is working on growing his practice and has huge student loan debt, so my income is the main income for mortgage, utilities and other household expenses. This fear keeps me up at night sometimes.
I fear dying of lung cancer and leaving my daughters behind, what it would do to them to grow up motherless. I smoked for twenty years. It is the only thing I wish I could take back.
Ingrid: At least you don’t smoke anymore - thats great! Thanks for sharing your fears, we all have to learn how to deal with them. Best wishes:smile:
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Etienne: Done. I also added you to my technorati favetrain:smile:
http://revellian.com/2007/08/01/revellian-technorati-favatrain/
Loss is probably my greatest fear. It’s great to see your journey and evolution. It certainly provides a beacon of hope for everyone. Who would have thought blogging could form such strong friendships? Amazing.
Brown Baron: I use blogging in more ways than I ever thought possible. It is more than just a way to write.
Thank you:smile:
Hi Bobby, I understand how you feel. I also have a good friend (who went overseas) and did not reply to my msn, emails and overseas calls. It is like the many years of friendship suddenly vanished to thin air.
I always think of life as a train, there are those who will alight half way and there are certainly those who will stay with you throughtout the whole journey. Be it close friends, family or relatives. I have learnt to treasure those beside me and not to larment on those who left… May God bless you and gives your strength.
Maketraffic: Thats why I try to be careful about who I become friends with. So please don’t leave me LOL:smile:
Hey Bobby! It’s good to see you happy!
blur ting: I like your happy smiling face, it makes me even happier:smile:
Hi Bobby, I’m sorry to hear about your best friend. I wish u all the best and coming to terms with ur fears, whatever they are, is always a positive step towards a happier you.
Mariuca: Thanks! Maybe I shouldn’t be so unforgiving and not hold it against him. It was long ago, and he might have changed. What do you think about that for positivity:smile:
Hi, Bobby! this is a surprising found with rgds to your dad and your relationship with him. Reading about your dad reminds me of mine. I am glad that you and your family had the last moments with him. I’m even more happier to hear that your sister saw him gone with a smiling face.
I am still trying to get over with my dad’s de*th. I couldn’t even type the word death in front of dad. It’s been 11 months already but my heart is still aching. It was an accident that had brought my dad away. We were not prepared for this and we don’t even hv the chance to say goodbye or i love u. I know that God is doing what is best for all of us. But I just cant accept it!! I’ve been keeping this feelings away frm my families. Frm that day onwards, I wanted to appear strong and supportive infront of them, especially in front of my mom. I’ve been putting on that mask on my face and it is still on my face. In fact, it seems to adapt very well with me.
And im sorry about your best friend. Wanna hear an honest opinion? I think you should approve him as your friend. Let’s just give him and you one more chance. Mayb you two will be best buddies till the end of life. The worse scenario you can get from approving him as your friend is that he’ll leave you. So what? It is not that you have only one friend. There is a chinese saying, “It is better to be friends than foe!”. All the best , BIG GUY!
Jean: Thank you, and your advice is very sweet:) I’ll think about what you recommend, but I need a little while to do it.
I am sorry about your Dad, losing a parent is very hard. I wear that same mask too:smile:
Jean: I certainly need some good advice LOL! I’ll always listen to your advice
In your case Bobby, the incident happened a long time ago and u know what they say …time heals all wounds… so yes, I think u should forgive ur friend
Jean, I’m really sorry to hear about ur dad. HUGS..
Mariuca: Gee wiz you girls sure are forgiving, I am going to break and end up forgiving him. Thanks for being so sweet. *hugs*:smile:
thanks, marzie! *HUGZ*
Jean: Please scratch my back while you’re at it:smile:
Excellent post! Thank you for sharing this.
Wolfgang: Thanks! I have shared my darkest secrets:smile:
I’m glad you and your dad found a bridge to each other…
Ebele: It was something I will always be grateful for and I thank God it happened! Wow, you’ve really been doing some reading! I appreciate it very much