I remember how beautiful it was, when I first began blogging, how eager and innocent my attitude was. I remember how it felt to make new friends and how joyous it all seemed. I was in such a lonely situation, having the love of my life leave me when I was just about to ask her to marry me.

In many ways, blogging saved me. I had new friends that listened to what I had to say. People actually cared that my life had been nearly destroyed. Most of my family is gone an so are most of my friends. I have been burned to a crisp by love and risen from the ashes time and time again.

There must come a point when a person can no longer rise, shouldn’t there? I often wonder why I am still here. There must be a reason, yet in my heart, I feel empty. I feel cold and alone. I feel like I no longer want to be in this life.

When growing up, I thought I would graduate from college, meet the girl of my dreams and live happily ever after. It didn’t work that way for me and for those of you that are lucky enough to have that kind of life, do not ever forget how fortunate you are.

That wondrous feeling I once had for blogging, much like my dreams of love, have wilted like petals from a dying flower. I got all caught up in the technical aspect of blogging and it has completely destroyed my drive to even read a single post. It has become a passionless chore for me to get up and write.

Can someone die from a broken heart? I don’t know, but it must surely be better than living with one. Many of you might not understand how hard it is to wake up everyday alone and know that when you go to sleep, you will go to sleep alone. It’s a feeling that I can no longer bear.

I don’t know if I will be back to ever write another post. I am so depressed and sad right now, I wish I could give you an answer. All I know is that this blog, which once meant so much to me, feels dead. I feel dead.

Some of you who know me well, know I suffer from depression. I have never hidden anything about myself from you. Right now, I am very sick, very scared and very empty. I love my friends very much. I wish I felt normal and happy, but I do not.

I constantly think of deleting this blog and lately when I write, it’s all I think about. I am truly sorry that I am telling you this. I hope I can feel better soon, but it is making me sick just writing this. I hope I feel better one day, but I do not think it will be soon. I just want this feeling to go away.

In the event that I do not return, I want to say, goodbye.