Today, my mother has received phone calls from people and was visited by the police department checking to see if I was alright. I might be a lot of things, but suicidal is not one of them. Please refrain from giving my mother the fright of her life from now on. I am not going to do anything that extreme.
I am just incredibly burned out and do not know if I will continue blogging, I have met a lot of great people here, and I very much appreciate the concern. Having the police visit my mother is not going to help anything.
I am sorry if I gave anyone the impression I was going to do something drastic, I am not. I am very depressed and I need time to get my head straight. Please understand that none of this has anything to do with any of you. I am trying to feel better, not worse. I’m sick, broken out in hives and the last thing I need is my mother, who is in very poor health, to be upset.
As much as I would like to write a post, I get sick just thinking about it. I am alive and plan to stay that way. I will hopefully feel better in a few weeks or so. I’m trying to keep myself from deleting my blog, so I will not regret that for the rest of my life.
I started this blog for one reason. That is to help all of us come together from all races from every country. I cannot take medication for my depression as I do not believe it will help. The times I took medicine, it made me feel worse. I am going for a long run here in a little while to get a good sweat and make myself feel better.
I am very sorry I upset anyone, It seems that I am good at that. I will refrain from that in the future. I need time to regroup. I am seriously in no harm and will be fine. Until that day comes, when I find my true love, I will not be happy. It means more to me than any of you could ever know that I actually do have friends.
In my real life, I have no friends to talk to or see. When I say that, I literally mean none, zero, zilch. There is no one. I have had to cut ties with everyone. My best friend from high-school, growing up was executed by the state of Alabama for murdering two police officers. My other friends are drug addicts. My good friend Erol, is serving a 65 year sentence for murder in the state of Minnesota.
The one girl I truly loved (the only girl I ever really loved) left me days before I was going to ask her to marry me. I still have not recovered.
There are are many other things going wrong right now, but are far to personal to discuss. I would do anything or go anywhere to find the love of my life. Many guys hit the clubs but I am not one of them.
This might sound wimpy or pathetic, but the only thing I have ever wanted in my life, is one woman to spend my life with. I don’t want to meet her in a bar. I need someone in my life and I want to be loved. Think what you want, but I am not afraid of this journey. It is my goal to find her.
I am having a hard time getting anything right in this life. I don’t know how much more personal I can be in revealing myself. I need time to regroup and get on with my search for love, which is the only thing that matters to me.
Each and everyone of you have been great to me. I just do not have enough hours in the day to visit you all everyday. I will be saying at my mother’s house until I feel well enough to go home. I do love all of you and please give me a little time to recover. To say that I feel sick is an understatement. I feel drained spiritually and emotionally.
I will try to return. I just put so much pressure on myself to visit, read and comment on hundreds of blogs per day. I cannot do that anymore. I am doing the best I can. I will try to reply to all the comments I have received in the past few days, but I am in no hurry. I will get it done soon enough.
I didn’t realize how many people cared about me, but it is giving me some strength. I have never had a problem expressing myself, but I do have problems to conquer.
From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. I am going to make it one way or another. I need some time.
Bobby,
Take care. The friend’s calls to your mum’ place and police episodes are fruit of efforts of friend who care very genuinely about your wellbeing and existence.
We all love you. From long ago, I had imagined how burned out you must be to maintain this blog and at the same time visit and comment on so many bloggers that visit you. I know how tiring it must have been. Give my shallow blog a miss dude. I understand. Your wellbeing is far far more important to me than that one visit and comment to my posts.
Take care. I would still be coming by to drop my hallos and what-nots whenever I think of you.
Blessings! I am so happy when I see this post this morning when I woke up.
Take Care. You are one tough dude. I know you can walk out of this pit.
WaterLearner’s last blog post..Stop for a Moment
Hi Karen, I am really sorry for letting you and all my blogging buddies down. Some people think that I am just not being positive enough and taking control of my emotions. I have had many people tell me, including doctors that if I want to be happy, I can be.
That is not true. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain. Even though I already know this, I still cannot take medicine for it because I simply cannot afford to buy it. Hurricane Katrina destroyed my life. I am rebuilding it right now.
I’m not making any excuses, I am doing all I can do at this point and will continue climbing. I am truly sorry for not coming around. I hope I can soon
Going for a run to sweat it out is a good idea. For me, that works wonders to put my chaotic mind at times in order.
Take a break from blogging. To recover. But do remember to eat well and rest well. Spend some time to relook at your life.
Dude, you are our Super Dude in the Blogosphere. But even then, we understand that everyone will feel low at some point in life.
We will be waiting for you.
WaterLearner’s last blog post..Stop for a Moment
Hi Karen! My low points come regularly like clockwork. If I had the ability to negate them, I would have no problems, ever. To me, losing everything you own including your home, is not a problem. That’s something that can be fixed. I’ve been there.
I cannot seem to fix me.
It’s okay to be where you are, feel what you feel–just be. I went and lit a candle for you…not to God or to a saint, but to you and for you. Someone has hurt you when what you needed and deserved was love. In your earnest search, I hope you find it.
Hope’s last blog post..Detritus
Thanks Hope! I hope I do too
how about just continuing to blog without the pressure of visiting and commenting on other blogs? Would tat be better for you? I’m new to your community and I truly would like to help, but I also don’t want to intrude. Prayed for you - Liza
Liza’s Eyeview’s last blog post..Grandparents and Grandkids
Hi Liza! I’ll be back soon. Usually, my depressions lift suddenly with no warnings. I just feel right and there is no reason for it. If I get depressed, it just happens, often right in the middle of a happy period.
I feel like different people, literally. When I blog, I go at it. I just cannot blog at all right now. I will soon enough. Thanks so much for your support
Do what you need to do Bobby. I am behind you 100%, and we all thank you for letting us know you are OK.
Eric “Speedcat Hollydale”’s last blog post..Bobby Revell
Hi Eric! I wouldn’t go as far as saying I am ok, but I will remain alive and in one piece…LOL! Thanks for being my friend and I’ll be back when I feel I am ready.
I am grateful to hear your train of thought. I hope you will read closely what I wrote and download the free book I mentioned yesterday.
You said it! “I may feel better in a few weeks”. If that’s what you decide to do, and you really believe that…you will likely start feeling better in a few weeks.
Or would you rather it happen sooner?
Hi Seekeroftruth! If that were true I would never suffer depression. All I can say is that people who believe that have never been truly depressed. That is a fact
Wow, Bobby. It sounds like you are having a very difficult time right now. I am sorry. As I think you know I suffer from double depression(low grade depression with episodes of severe depression)that began after my youngest son died in 1996 and then my mother one year later in 1997. I hate depression. I do use medication because it does help me. If it hadn’t been for my surviving two children and the meds, I’m not sure where I’d be now. Without being trite, Bobby you know things get better. Maybe not as quickly or as easily as we wish but they always get better. If you need to talk to someone just email me at MamaKRB@aol.com and we could exchange phone numbers.
Take care and big Hug.
Hi Janice! Thanks so much for caring. I will return soon. I will be trying some medications and we shall see if they help
Bobby, I pray for you.. I miss a shoulder to cry on.. friendship means a lot.. I am glad to hear from you again.
trinity’s last blog post..I Quit.
Hi Trinity! You are such a sweetie! I value your friendship very much and will be back soon.
You just take all the time you need Bobby, we’re not going anywhere. As for your energy and resolve, take mine. I have lots to spare. We’ll send you so much energy your hair will stand straight.
Brown Baron’s last blog post..Vector Magic: Convert Raster Images Easily
Thanks Brown Baron! This episode of depression has been one of the worst I have ever had. I will be starting medications to help. I don’t want to because I always thought I was in charge and could just feel better at will.
I have finally decided that maybe I cannot just will myself better. Maybe the medications will help. I have never tried going that route. I am stubborn and it is possible that I cannot control my emotions enough to maintain a balance.
Thanks for being here to support me. I do feel like I have let a lot of people down but it was absolutely unavoidable. I’ll be back soon
Good to see ur back, even for this post. Sorry to hear abt ur mom, hope all is ok now. Take all the time u need Bobby, we’ll be waiting for you and when ur good and ready, we’ll welcome u back with open arms. Take care!
Genie Princess’s last blog post..Get Smorty!
Marzie, I am grateful to have you as a friend. I feel like I am really neglecting you and everyone else and I am very sorry that I have been so down. I am feeling better but I am still not able to come back yet. I will though…I promise
Hi Bobby - I’ve been away a bit and see I’ve missed a LOT!!! Yikes. Sorry about that. Anyway - I don’t know how killing your blog would help you feel better. I totally understand needing time away from blogging to get your head on straight or even to just to have a little bit of a life off line! So cut back on your blogging, by all means. But don’t do it in a temporary moment of depression. I know I don’t know you very well but I can tell you are sincere and you’ve been very helpful to me. If you believe that you won’t be happy until you find the love of your life then by all means go and find her because if that is what you believe then it is true. Get off your duff and join a dating service, whatever you have to do! Just keep your expectations realistic, but don’t gloss over things that may irritate you later just so that you can have someone now. And I don’t understand about you not having friends in real life. You have a great personality - can you socialize somehow like something as simple as joining a bowling team or something? It’s hard to put yourself out there but if you want it bad enough, you need to make the effort. She may not be able to find her way to you so get yourself out there to look for her. Also, you may meet some nice people on the journey! I hope you come back to blogging soon - I’ve been looking forward to your contests and learning more on the tech side of things from you. Okay enough babbling from me. I send you hugs and good healing energy and also to your mom - it must be hard for her to see you depressed.
teeni’s last blog post..Prank Dumplings
Thanks Teeni! You have given me much to think about. I will be fine
Also, there is never an obligation to return blog visits to everyone else. You do that when and if you can but you don’t do it because you feel you have to. There are millions of blogs out there. And millions of bloggers. We can’t have that kind of pressure on us. Don’t put it on yourself. Your real friends aren’t going to want to put that pressure on you either, although I’m sure they are delighted when you can visit, they wouldn’t want you to feel obligated. I can tell by the previous posts/comments that these people who visit you truly care. You are very fortunate and I’m sure they feel the same for knowing you!
teeni’s last blog post..Prank Dumplings
Thanks again Teeni, but it is difficult to not visit all my friends. That’s why I took this break and my blog is still here
Bobby, nice to see you back & writing this post. Everyone is so concern about you. I know you will not do anything silly. You are our Charlie, one & only :):)
Janice Ng
Janice’s last blog post..Twosome
Hi Janice! I really needed this break. I of course will be fine
I’ll be by soon! 
Hey Bobby. Hope you heal soon - a lot of prayers will be with you. Mine included
Random Magus’s last blog post..Law of Diminshing Returns???
Thank you Amber! It is really great to see you!
Hi Bobby,
please, first things first. Take care of yourself now, not of all those comments, not of your blog, no pressure right now.
You know what state you’re in, and you know that you shouldn’t make any irreversible decisions right now.. So, don’t delete this blog okay?
I’m also fighting a depression right now, and I’m trying to conquer this too without medications. As for you, exercising is what helps best. It makes me feel better, both mentally and physically. And that’s all that’s important right now..
And, call me an idealist, but I know the love of your life will come. And the girl you loved before.. she wasn’t meant to be, nothing more, nothing less.
But, first you have to take care of you..
Again, my warmest wishes, all the best to you!!
Thanks Anonymous! You are right about exercise to a point. I exercise when I feel great and when I’m depressed and it does help some. Without it, I don’t really know how it would be
Take Care, Bobby.
maketraffic’s last blog post..Blog Marketing and Monetization - The Practical
I will MakeTraffic…you too!
I’m so sorry you feel so bad… I myself have suffered from some bad bouts of depression and I have found medication helpful.
I think you are wonderfully brave to be so open and honest. It’s not everyone who can do that..
I wish you well very soon, don’t give up on the blogging, let it all out in the blog, you have so many people here for you..
The picture you have used is you smiling and that’s the way I hope you will be again very soon..
Lady Banana’s last blog post..My Saturday In Leicester
Hi Lady Banana! Thank you for the supportive comment. I do feel much better now
Hope you find peace (and rest!) soon.
Blessed be.
Brad K.’s last blog post..Meeting ‘quality’ people
Hi Bobby
I have created my own award and am very pleased to say that you are among the very first group of recipients. Come on by and claim your prize.
http://mondaymorningpower.blogspot.com/2007/11/winning-attitude-award.html
Mel’s last blog post..Winning Attitude Award
Thanks Mel! I don’t deserve an award, but I will come by soon!
Take your time Bobby…and do what you need to to “feel” better…your mental and emotional health is far more important than the pressures of blogging etiquettee.
So take care of yourself my friend…we’ll all be waiting for you when you get back!
Much Love
and hugs
morgan
Mighty Morgan’s last blog post..Hope
Thanks Morgan! I do put much more pressure on myself blogging than is healthy. It has taken me many days just to answer part of these comments as I just cannot become stressed over it. Thanks for your kindness and friendship!
it’s nice to hear from you bobby!!! and it means no saying goodbye
i’ll include you in my prayers. take care!
take a break, walk in the street, breathe fresh air, take time to see the world outside, spend time with your mom. just remember you are not alone
@}– ruby –{@’s last blog post..Happy Birthday Nelda!!!
Now there’s a smiling face! Thanks Ruby. I feel good and am slowly getting back to it!
I have had your site open for two days, refreshing and refreshing it to see if you had written another post. How pleased I am that you have.
I am sure that others would agree that this post IS a reply to all of your comments and we would not want you to experience any stress by feeling you need to reply in other ways.
Blogging is often a two way street - commenting, replying, mutual linking. This is not one of those occasions, but one where we offer support and friendship without expecting anything in return.
Having suffered from the very depths of depression and anxiety throughout my life, the break up of a 25 year old relationship/marriage was the final straw for me. I did not think life could possibly improve. How completely wrong I was. The correct medication finally found, depression is a thing of the past. I have a new partner, a soul mate I never dreamed I would find, who I met on ICQ. I never realized life could be so good. I now say life begins at 50!
Sueblimely’s last blog post..Blogging Elegance Award
Hi Sueblimely! Wow…that is so great that things have worked out. I just want to thank you for visiting and lending a hand to someone who really needed one. It means a great deal to me.
You are right! I will find my way and the right person. I know that it is the one thing missing in my life but I will not give up. Thank you
I haven’t been reading you for long, but I feel that I have to say a couple of things.
First, it’s OK to walk away from your blog for a while. The pressure of thinking of something to write every day only adds to depression. (At least that’s how it works for me when I feel down.) Your readers understand what’s happening and will give you plenty of slack until you’re ready to go again.
From what I can tell, you seem like an intelligent, caring, good-hearted person. Maybe you’re trying a little too hard. A lot of us have found true love when we least expected it. Don’t get discouraged. New possibilities emerge every day.
dr sardonicus’s last blog post..Sunday morning chuckle
Well…you are the doctor! When I’m not depressed I am usually very positive and optimistic. You along with everyone here have really given me a lot of positive energy. Thank you
Oh, that is terrible… can’t believe that people went that far, however, it is because you are loved… I don’t know how it got around that you might be sucidial and it doesn’t matter, people were just soooooooooooooo worried about you… I am so relieved… I cried so hard for you… Bobby, my life has been a mess too, but, man, I can tell you I do not feel pain or remorse from it… one day when you feel better, you and I should take the time to get to know one another, I am from the worst life you could ever imagine and I am fine… please, think about it… I agree with you about anti-depressants, they are worse than the actual condition… they gave me valium many years ago and I could not even remember my last name so flushed them down the toilet… stupid me, could have made some bucks from them.. ha! God bless you and keep you and embrace you in His arms… and your Mother, poor thing, that would have caused me to have heart failure… such a caring bunch of people…
like you as well, I had to pull back from being so friendly with everyone… it is easy for some of these people because they have sites which require little effort day to day… so, here too, I can relate with you… I do what I can, and, while it may have affected my growth to make it slower growing, I am holding my ground without being so socialable, so, consider that you DON’T have to nor need to be that involved in the social aspect of it…
We must always keep ourselves at a pace which will enhance that which we do and our personalities; there is no other effective way to progress… know what I mean?
Well, dear one, again I am so relieved and so happy to have heard from you… my heart and soul were heavy with worry and concern… I am one who did not detect suicide in your open letter, but, none the less was extremely concerned for you state of mind and heart…
Take care and please, when you have taken some time to come to a comfort zone, drop me a line and let me know how you are, please???
Blessings and peace and God hold you until you are secure in your stance…. hugs to you and heartfelt care….
Lynda’s last blog post..LOVE’S MAGICAL THRUST
Thank you Lynda! I had a doctor prescribe me xanax once and I felt like a zombie. I am trying some different anti-depressants and hopefully they may help. Your words of encouragement are really touching and I will never forget it
I’m sorry to hear about your pain.
Forrest’s last blog post..A King’s Ransom
dude, what happened!? I was busy for a week and I come back and find out major drama has happened!
I used to get stressed out with trying to find the time to reply and visit everyone but at the end of the day, it’s only a blog and there are like a billion of them out there. No one will notice much if you don’t keep up with comments or visits (unless you have stalkers that only visit this one blog!) so long as you come back eventually.
hope you get your head/heart sorted soon!
Andy Bailey’s last blog post..Timesavers! 2 plugins that will save you time
Thanks Andy! I will admit I am somewhat embarrassed but I write what I write. Thanks and I will be back
Hallos Bobby!
I am here again.Wonder how you are doing right now? You should realise that many of us are popping by regularly. At times with a short shout and I am sure at others entering one more comment like what I am doing now.
How are you our dude?
I am a little more tied up at work recently. Plus my new apartment is coming and I am now quite stressed in choosing furniture and deciding what style of deco to adopt.
No matter what you are doing now, while you are recovering and recharging your inner batteries, be absolutely sure that your blog buddies are quietly standing by you. Waiting for our super dude to stand up again.
Be Strong. Happiness is a Choice. Make that choice with Awareness.
Blessings!
WaterLearner’s last blog post..How Often Do You Blog?
Hi Karen! A new apartment? I hope you enjoy it and don’t you get stressed from work either. I am fine for the most part and feel better each day. Thank you for never giving up on me. You have given me a lot of support and without it, I don’t know where I’d be
hello bobby!
nice to have an update from you again.
no words could express how relieved we are.
we understand how you feel… so take your time recovering.
just don’t forget we’re just right behind you.
Hi Shiera! Thank you for helping to make me feel better! It’s nice to have friends