Today, my mother has received phone calls from people and was visited by the police department checking to see if I was alright. I might be a lot of things, but suicidal is not one of them. Please refrain from giving my mother the fright of her life from now on. I am not going to do anything that extreme.
I am just incredibly burned out and do not know if I will continue blogging, I have met a lot of great people here, and I very much appreciate the concern. Having the police visit my mother is not going to help anything.
I am sorry if I gave anyone the impression I was going to do something drastic, I am not. I am very depressed and I need time to get my head straight. Please understand that none of this has anything to do with any of you. I am trying to feel better, not worse. I’m sick, broken out in hives and the last thing I need is my mother, who is in very poor health, to be upset.
As much as I would like to write a post, I get sick just thinking about it. I am alive and plan to stay that way. I will hopefully feel better in a few weeks or so. I’m trying to keep myself from deleting my blog, so I will not regret that for the rest of my life.
I started this blog for one reason. That is to help all of us come together from all races from every country. I cannot take medication for my depression as I do not believe it will help. The times I took medicine, it made me feel worse. I am going for a long run here in a little while to get a good sweat and make myself feel better.
I am very sorry I upset anyone, It seems that I am good at that. I will refrain from that in the future. I need time to regroup. I am seriously in no harm and will be fine. Until that day comes, when I find my true love, I will not be happy. It means more to me than any of you could ever know that I actually do have friends.
In my real life, I have no friends to talk to or see. When I say that, I literally mean none, zero, zilch. There is no one. I have had to cut ties with everyone. My best friend from high-school, growing up was executed by the state of Alabama for murdering two police officers. My other friends are drug addicts. My good friend Erol, is serving a 65 year sentence for murder in the state of Minnesota.
The one girl I truly loved (the only girl I ever really loved) left me days before I was going to ask her to marry me. I still have not recovered.
There are are many other things going wrong right now, but are far to personal to discuss. I would do anything or go anywhere to find the love of my life. Many guys hit the clubs but I am not one of them.
This might sound wimpy or pathetic, but the only thing I have ever wanted in my life, is one woman to spend my life with. I don’t want to meet her in a bar. I need someone in my life and I want to be loved. Think what you want, but I am not afraid of this journey. It is my goal to find her.
I am having a hard time getting anything right in this life. I don’t know how much more personal I can be in revealing myself. I need time to regroup and get on with my search for love, which is the only thing that matters to me.
Each and everyone of you have been great to me. I just do not have enough hours in the day to visit you all everyday. I will be saying at my mother’s house until I feel well enough to go home. I do love all of you and please give me a little time to recover. To say that I feel sick is an understatement. I feel drained spiritually and emotionally.
I will try to return. I just put so much pressure on myself to visit, read and comment on hundreds of blogs per day. I cannot do that anymore. I am doing the best I can. I will try to reply to all the comments I have received in the past few days, but I am in no hurry. I will get it done soon enough.
I didn’t realize how many people cared about me, but it is giving me some strength. I have never had a problem expressing myself, but I do have problems to conquer.
From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. I am going to make it one way or another. I need some time.





#1 by Mel at November 17th, 2007
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I have something for you. http://mondaymorningpower.blogspot.com/2007/11/thanksgiving-thank-you.html
Mel’s last blog post..A Thanksgiving “Thank You”
#2 by Revellian at November 17th, 2007
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Hi Karen, I am really sorry for letting you and all my blogging buddies down. Some people think that I am just not being positive enough and taking control of my emotions. I have had many people tell me, including doctors that if I want to be happy, I can be.
That is not true. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain. Even though I already know this, I still cannot take medicine for it because I simply cannot afford to buy it. Hurricane Katrina destroyed my life. I am rebuilding it right now.
I’m not making any excuses, I am doing all I can do at this point and will continue climbing. I am truly sorry for not coming around. I hope I can soon
#3 by Revellian at November 17th, 2007
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Hi Karen! My low points come regularly like clockwork. If I had the ability to negate them, I would have no problems, ever. To me, losing everything you own including your home, is not a problem. That’s something that can be fixed. I’ve been there.
I cannot seem to fix me.
#4 by Revellian at November 17th, 2007
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Thanks Hope! I hope I do too
#5 by Revellian at November 17th, 2007
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Hi Liza! I’ll be back soon. Usually, my depressions lift suddenly with no warnings. I just feel right and there is no reason for it. If I get depressed, it just happens, often right in the middle of a happy period.
I feel like different people, literally. When I blog, I go at it. I just cannot blog at all right now. I will soon enough. Thanks so much for your support
#6 by Revellian at November 17th, 2007
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Hi Eric! I wouldn’t go as far as saying I am ok, but I will remain alive and in one piece…LOL! Thanks for being my friend and I’ll be back when I feel I am ready.
#7 by Revellian at November 17th, 2007
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Hi Seekeroftruth! If that were true I would never suffer depression. All I can say is that people who believe that have never been truly depressed. That is a fact
#8 by Revellian at November 17th, 2007
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Hi Janice! Thanks so much for caring. I will return soon. I will be trying some medications and we shall see if they help
#9 by Revellian at November 17th, 2007
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Hi Trinity! You are such a sweetie! I value your friendship very much and will be back soon.
#10 by Revellian at November 17th, 2007
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Thanks Brown Baron! This episode of depression has been one of the worst I have ever had. I will be starting medications to help. I don’t want to because I always thought I was in charge and could just feel better at will.
I have finally decided that maybe I cannot just will myself better. Maybe the medications will help. I have never tried going that route. I am stubborn and it is possible that I cannot control my emotions enough to maintain a balance.
Thanks for being here to support me. I do feel like I have let a lot of people down but it was absolutely unavoidable. I’ll be back soon
#11 by Revellian at November 17th, 2007
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Marzie, I am grateful to have you as a friend. I feel like I am really neglecting you and everyone else and I am very sorry that I have been so down. I am feeling better but I am still not able to come back yet. I will though…I promise
#12 by Revellian at November 17th, 2007
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Thanks Teeni! You have given me much to think about. I will be fine
#13 by Revellian at November 17th, 2007
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Thanks again Teeni, but it is difficult to not visit all my friends. That’s why I took this break and my blog is still here
#14 by Revellian at November 17th, 2007
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Hi Janice! I really needed this break. I of course will be fine
I’ll be by soon!
#15 by Revellian at November 18th, 2007
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Thank you Amber! It is really great to see you!
#16 by Revellian at November 18th, 2007
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Thanks Anonymous! You are right about exercise to a point. I exercise when I feel great and when I’m depressed and it does help some. Without it, I don’t really know how it would be
#17 by Revellian at November 18th, 2007
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I will MakeTraffic…you too!
#18 by Revellian at November 18th, 2007
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Hi Lady Banana! Thank you for the supportive comment. I do feel much better now
#19 by Revellian at November 18th, 2007
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Thanks Mel! I don’t deserve an award, but I will come by soon!
#20 by Revellian at November 18th, 2007
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Thanks Morgan! I do put much more pressure on myself blogging than is healthy. It has taken me many days just to answer part of these comments as I just cannot become stressed over it. Thanks for your kindness and friendship!
#21 by Revellian at November 18th, 2007
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Now there’s a smiling face! Thanks Ruby. I feel good and am slowly getting back to it!
#22 by Revellian at November 18th, 2007
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Hi Sueblimely! Wow…that is so great that things have worked out. I just want to thank you for visiting and lending a hand to someone who really needed one. It means a great deal to me.
You are right! I will find my way and the right person. I know that it is the one thing missing in my life but I will not give up. Thank you
#23 by Revellian at November 18th, 2007
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Well…you are the doctor! When I’m not depressed I am usually very positive and optimistic. You along with everyone here have really given me a lot of positive energy. Thank you
#24 by Revellian at November 18th, 2007
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Thank you Lynda! I had a doctor prescribe me xanax once and I felt like a zombie. I am trying some different anti-depressants and hopefully they may help. Your words of encouragement are really touching and I will never forget it
#25 by Revellian at November 18th, 2007
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Thanks Andy! I will admit I am somewhat embarrassed but I write what I write. Thanks and I will be back
#26 by Revellian at November 18th, 2007
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Hi Karen! A new apartment? I hope you enjoy it and don’t you get stressed from work either. I am fine for the most part and feel better each day. Thank you for never giving up on me. You have given me a lot of support and without it, I don’t know where I’d be
#27 by Revellian at November 18th, 2007
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Hi Shiera! Thank you for helping to make me feel better! It’s nice to have friends