Today, my mother has received phone calls from people and was visited by the police department checking to see if I was alright. I might be a lot of things, but suicidal is not one of them. Please refrain from giving my mother the fright of her life from now on. I am not going to do anything that extreme.

I am just incredibly burned out and do not know if I will continue blogging, I have met a lot of great people here, and I very much appreciate the concern. Having the police visit my mother is not going to help anything.

I am sorry if I gave anyone the impression I was going to do something drastic, I am not. I am very depressed and I need time to get my head straight. Please understand that none of this has anything to do with any of you. I am trying to feel better, not worse. I’m sick, broken out in hives and the last thing I need is my mother, who is in very poor health, to be upset.

As much as I would like to write a post, I get sick just thinking about it. I am alive and plan to stay that way. I will hopefully feel better in a few weeks or so. I’m trying to keep myself from deleting my blog, so I will not regret that for the rest of my life.

I started this blog for one reason. That is to help all of us come together from all races from every country. I cannot take medication for my depression as I do not believe it will help. The times I took medicine, it made me feel worse. I am going for a long run here in a little while to get a good sweat and make myself feel better.

I am very sorry I upset anyone, It seems that I am good at that. I will refrain from that in the future. I need time to regroup. I am seriously in no harm and will be fine. Until that day comes, when I find my true love, I will not be happy. It means more to me than any of you could ever know that I actually do have friends.

In my real life, I have no friends to talk to or see. When I say that, I literally mean none, zero, zilch. There is no one. I have had to cut ties with everyone. My best friend from high-school, growing up was executed by the state of Alabama for murdering two police officers. My other friends are drug addicts. My good friend Erol, is serving a 65 year sentence for murder in the state of Minnesota.

The one girl I truly loved (the only girl I ever really loved) left me days before I was going to ask her to marry me. I still have not recovered.

There are are many other things going wrong right now, but are far to personal to discuss. I would do anything or go anywhere to find the love of my life. Many guys hit the clubs but I am not one of them.

This might sound wimpy or pathetic, but the only thing I have ever wanted in my life, is one woman to spend my life with. I don’t want to meet her in a bar. I need someone in my life and I want to be loved. Think what you want, but I am not afraid of this journey. It is my goal to find her.

I am having a hard time getting anything right in this life. I don’t know how much more personal I can be in revealing myself. I need time to regroup and get on with my search for love, which is the only thing that matters to me.

Each and everyone of you have been great to me. I just do not have enough hours in the day to visit you all everyday. I will be saying at my mother’s house until I feel well enough to go home. I do love all of you and please give me a little time to recover. To say that I feel sick is an understatement. I feel drained spiritually and emotionally.

I will try to return. I just put so much pressure on myself to visit, read and comment on hundreds of blogs per day. I cannot do that anymore. I am doing the best I can. I will try to reply to all the comments I have received in the past few days, but I am in no hurry. I will get it done soon enough.

I didn’t realize how many people cared about me, but it is giving me some strength. I have never had a problem expressing myself, but I do have problems to conquer.

From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. I am going to make it one way or another. I need some time.