Archive for February, 2008

Rent Yourself A New Image

We are bombarded with the importance of image and societal class every day of our lives. The way a person looks is often placed above their values and it is reinforced by compliments and feelings of false self-esteem.

People buy $25,000.00 Rolex watches on credit so people will view them as high class citizens. Hence they can look down on another for not wearing name brands. I am perplexed by this and find it to be the most ridiculous aspect of life. From $500.00 haircuts to thousand dollar shoes, people are all about their image.

I saw an advertisement for some website that rents designer purses to women yesterday and laughed uncontrollably; I literally almost passed out. I’m sorry, but that is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. What kind of person would rent a purse? Who would even know that it was so great anyway?

I’ve known guys who rented sports cars to impress a girl on a hot date (not me!) – but purse rental? If a woman rents a purse it will not impress a man. Men don’t notice purses or what brand of clothes a woman wears. It would only be to impress other women or just to make themselves feel important.

Imagine this: I see a woman with a fancy handbag, walk up and say,”What a beautiful purse! Let me guess – it’s a custom shop Gucci – no, it’s a Louis Vuitton! Is it a rental, or did you buy?”

As absurd as that sounds, it would probably be a great opening line (except for asking if it was rented) for someone into superficiality. If I dated a woman with a rented purse, would I need a matching rented wallet? Where can I rent some designer underwear? You never know when you’ll need these items!

dirty-suit.jpg

So I’m standing there, looking filthy rich in my rented Jean Paul Gautier suit. Behind me is my rented Porsche and people standing downwind can smell the delicious aroma of my overpriced Creed Bois du Portugal cologne. I step forward in my rented, $1500.00 Testoni
Norvegese shoes and pray someone important notices how cool I am – if only for a second.

“Please God, someone notice my opulence…my swagger…my richness! Look at me you poor fools – wearing your $12.00 Wal-Mart sneakers and your $5.00 t-shirts. SOMEBODY PLEASE LOOK AT HOW RICH I AM!”

In the midst of my conniption fit, a dirty piece of trash pickup truck drives by, splashing a tidal wave of grotesque mud all over my wealthy attire. I scream, “You scumbag piece of human dirt…how dare you!”

I cannot bring these soiled clothes back to the rental store; I will have to actually buy them. I took out a high interest loan just to rent them – now, I’ll probably lose my apartment and have to move into a poor neighborhood. What on Earth will I do?

I see a rich man step out of a Rolls Royce, noticing a thick wallet in his jacket pocket. I run at him in a ferocious rage, “Give me your wallet fool…I gotta pay my bills!”

A poor street thug sporting a gold chain and drinking Bling-Bling Blue Raspberry wine blows my head off with a shotgun – my blood sodden brains splatter across my rented porsche. Yes…redemption…and I die in style.

bling-bling-mad-dog.jpgIf you’re wondering, there actually is Bling-Bling wine. I used to manage a liquor store that serviced a poor area, inundated with crack head wino’s. Mogen David 20/20 wine is a traditional, high alcohol wine affectionately known as “mad dog”. With a stroke of business genius, they decided to capitalize on America’s love affair with gang culture and put a fake gold chain sticker on the bottle and named it “Bling-Bling”. Hahahahahahahaha! People came in the store in droves saying, “Yo…gimme some of that bling-bling…hell yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout!” I still have trouble believing that people actually bought this stuff…now that’s American.

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Coping Skills – Dealing With Life For Happiness

This is my entry in Jamilla’s Share Your Happy Moments With Jamy contest. Please visit Jamilla and say hello; she’s a wonderful person with a big heart!

Happiness has long been elusive for me. I have many happy moments to remember but one recent event in particular really stands out for me. It’s about letting go. What I mean is that by letting go of my expectations of others, I have learned about a fantastic new ability. I tend to get perturbed when people don’t understand or accept my point of view. I think many people experience this.

I thought I understood that it was up to me to be at peace with myself, but I really didn’t understand that. As many of you know, I suffer from depression. I tried anti-depressants and they didn’t help. I now talk to a psychiatrist, some of which is in a group therapy setting. This has helped me more than anything I have ever tried.

Talking to these people has been both powerful and profound. There are people from every walk of life – from doctors to store clerks – all there for one common goal. Just a few weeks ago, I would get irate when thinking about president George Bush. Sometimes it would literally make me angry. When I’d talk to people who disagreed with me, it would burn me up if they didn’t see it my way. Thus, I learned that I had to let go of those negative thoughts.

I don’t mean just ignoring my anger. I mean that I truly released myself from the grips of the root; the place where these thoughts were born. In one group therapy session, I argued with another person about these things. I told them, “If the world thought like me, there would be no war and people would never suffer from greed and many other things.”

My therapist laughed at me and said, “That is the absolute silliest thing I have ever heard. You aren’t even happy. You may have wonderful ideas, but the reality is, you cannot make others think the way you do.!”

We talked for several more minutes and it hit me. We all cracked up laughing and I really learned something. It’s one thing to understand a concept and another to actually employ it. Now, when I start discussing something and that knot starts building in my stomach, I just let go and smile.

It’s happened hundreds of times in the past week. I was able to catch myself! I have never been able to do that before – not to that degree of efficiency. I am not really learning anything new, but a new way to cope. That is the keyword: coping.

In order to experience happiness, we must be able to cope with all that life throws at us. I never once considered that I had poor coping skills in so many areas. It’s amazing to realize the truth. I am on the path to inner peace and no amount of money could compare to that feeling of liberation. I still have much more to learn but I feel certain about my progress.

As I wrote this very post, my blog went off line. I smiled and patiently waited for it to come back up. I realized I lost half of what I had written and I laughed – made a calibrated decision and finished up in my desktop editor to prevent the same occurrence. Because I remained calm, I was able to remember exactly what I wrote and simply retyped it. Now that is unbelievable. That my friends, is happiness.

I hope this post helps somebody out there. I must admit, writing this has been a wonderful experience. Thanks Jamy!

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Bobby’s Batch #7 – Blogging Madness

It’s been a very interesting week here in the blogosphere! Though I’ve been busy working, it somehow made me feel alive again – perhaps from the overall change. I’ve had some server issues with my site. Of course this is my host’s fault and I wish they would just admit it! Below is a picture (entitled “Stress”) which exemplifies exactly how I felt trying to write this during a storm of server inflicted blogging madness. Just seeing this picture made me feel better!

stress.jpg

Not all the posts listed are new. One thing I don’t like about blogging is that a post will die and be forgotten so quickly. I really enjoy reading through archives; you should try it sometimes!

Square1 wrote a great little poem The Untamed Pen. I read several poems on her blog and had a very enjoyable experience. I really loved Banging On Glass Walls; a powerfully poetic and introspective work.

The Sandman wrote Chp 163. Sex, drugs and North-east girls. This starts with a brilliant poem and then to a revealing article. The Sandman (Kima Mizoram) is a truly gifted writer. If you have never read his work, this is a great place to start!

Mitchell Allen wrote St. Valentine’s Day Mascara. It starts with a interesting picture and then to the humorous and wonderfully intricate poem, Ode To a Cornish Hen!

TIV wrote a post filled with wise advice on Psychotropic Medication. There is much bad advice on depression out there, which is one reason she wrote it. Thanks TIV!

Jamilla is having My First Ever Contest: Share Your Happy Moments With Jamy! Jamy is a super nice person and needs some participation. I’ll have my entry done in the next few days.

Andrea wrote Leaving Comments On Blogs which is about a situation that happened to her when she gave someone some honest and polite advice. This uncomfortable situation has probably happened to you too!

 

Marzie is having a new contest Who Wants a Mariuca CNY Mug? It’s easy to enter and lots of fun; be sure to check it out. I won her last contest and can’t wait to receive my wonderful mug! Thanks Marzie!

 

Teeni wrote about her not so great experience in a restaurant Applebee’s – Saved by the Waiter. I can relate because I worked in Applebee’s for a short period of time!

 

Laila posted How to cope with depression. This is a funny little video that incited a sarcastic giggle out of me. Thanks Laila!

 

Finally, Beaman opened a can of intensely debating worms in his take on Islamic fanaticism. I suggest you read his post Something to Think About. Be sure to read all the comments as it is a heated debate (especially the discussion between himself and Laila). Whether you agree with him or not, the discussion is important to read. While you are there, read some of his great poetry!

 

The “Stress” picture is from Tech It Easy’s Jeremy on his post, The rise and demise of productivity software. Be sure to check out his great tech oriented blog.

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Digital Dreamer

Electric blog dreams studied by twitching eyes
frosted circuits, winter rain
lonely blogger feel my pain

blood moon shadows shroud my keys
network layers Christian prayers
encrypted war plans across the seas

digital soul interface plug me in
endless readers horde of leaders
format my spirit wash me of sin

virus infection integrated reflection
crippling rusted host
oh please God I beg you…
read my bloody post

meaningful content quality comment
hard drive fragment document heaven sent
my mouse my screen my implement

blogging for money blogging for pain
a thousand useless widgets
scorched into my brain
deceivers debaters spammers and schemers
geniuses fools bad grammar and dreamers
driving me insane

echoes of trembling fingers pecking
spiritual vibration collective consciousness
God please save us
wondrous deafening
maddening silence
I am
digital dreamer…

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The Reality of Casino Bartending- Sex, Drugs and Videotape

While I could get many types of jobs, some more respectable than others, few can equate the starting pay of casino bartending. I have many years of experience in it and need to make enough money to pay for my 3rd round of college. Believe it or not, I’ve had over one-hundred different types of jobs in my life. I am truly a jack of all trades.

I am taking a brutally honest look at working as a casino bartender and I don’t even care if what I write here gets me fired; I can simply go work at another casino, there are plenty here. Besides, these people don’t read blogs anyway. If someone is good at it, they can easily make $50,000.00 per year; that’s less than half of what could be made in Las Vegas but is still a hefty starting pay.

casino bar

casino bar

Drugs, cutthroat politics and prostitution are the name of the game. It’s generally a terrible job for a young person with a drug habit. However, someone who is above these problems can do very well. Within three days of working, I already knew 23 drug dealers who openly sold drugs – while on duty – to customers, game dealers, casino management and of course bartenders and cocktail waitresses.

Many cocktail waitresses and bartenders I’ve personally worked with have nasty drug habits (including myself, but I’ve since quit drugs). While working during a busy shift, I overheard two girls complaining about getting a much needed break so they could get a fix. To fit in, a bartender’s relationship to the waitresses must be open and honest.

I am experienced enough to know how to deal with the situation. Though I no longer use drugs, drink or smoke – I must appear to be “cool” with those who do. They must be comfortable with me as 20% of their personal tips come to me. In turn, between 15-20% of my tips go to the barback (the guy who keeps my liquor rack full, washes my glasses and helps me keep the bar clean). A good barback can make a lot of money but it is an extreme, physically demanding job.

The Story of Two Cocktail Waitresses

cocktail waitresses

cocktail waitresses

When my waitresses came back from their break, I could tell the girls were highly intoxicated – not on cocaine or meth, so I guessed it was heroin or something similar. I made 31 drinks for waitressX. While waiting for me to finish, she slightly lowered her head and puked a mighty stream into a large garbage bin next to the bar.

I said, “Three points! Good shot…you didn’t spill a drop!”

She wiped her face with a bar napkin and giggled, “Hehehe…you’re so funny Bobby! I snorted oxycodone ( a powerful narcotic alkaloid used as an analgesic and sedative), it always upsets my stomach!”

The other inebriated waitress said, “That’s nothing.”

She stood three feet away from the trash can, put her hands on her hips and in true American fashion, proudly retched a more streamlined projectile – her stomach contents into the can – perfectly and with no splash back! She proclaimed, “That’s how it’s done…and I don’t even need a napkin.”

I stood in amazement by these two. I’ve done this job for years and this was my first cocktail waitress vomit spitting contest. After the shift slowed down, I was free to converse with these two lovely drug addicts. They are both twenty-one years old and incredibly beautiful (wait until they turn 30! They are in for a rude awakening if they live that long).

Because they had already lowered their guards, I knew I could give them a speech (a screed actually) about how they would end up dying from their actions. They were actually talking about going out after work to drink alcohol and snort cocaine!

I told them a story of three people I know who had died from mixing pain-killers and cocaine. It was quite a horrific tale which I thought would scare them. I was so wrong! They laughed and laughed, continually puking and spraying fluids from their nostrils. One told me, “You should be a professional comedian Bobby! That’s the funniest story I’ve ever heard. Don’t worry about us, we do this everyday!”

I was mortified, I couldn’t believe it! How could 21 year old girls be that far gone? Heroin, it turns out is their favorite drug and it is at epidemic levels here where I live. From the Mississippi Gulf Coast to New Orleans (which is around 120 miles from my house), heroin is available for school children. This is only where I live, I’m sure it’s nation wide. These two girls were doing all this right in front of the customers with absolute reckless abandon.

My sister, who is a child psychologist, deals with 7 year old heroin addicts every day. One important job that needs more people is drug counselors. The money isn’t great but the job’s importance is. I am personally thinking about becoming one. It’s unbelievable to see this going on. It’s impossible to keep drugs off the street, however, effectively educating people can be done.

Other Freakish Incidents

During the same shift, a guy was caught smoking crack outside during a smoking break and was escorted off premises by the police. I also witnessed a blackjack dealer selling pills across the table like they were casino chips!

I walked into the casino liquor room trying to find my barback. He was snorting cocaine off a case of Crown Royal. He said, “Wanna line? I only snort off of Crown Royal cases…that’s why I’m late…I had to get one out, we just got a shipment of liquor in!”

He grabbed a large garbage cart with wheels as I needed him to empty the puke filled bins near the bar because of the noxious odor. As we peregrinated back to the bar, he strutted stylishly pushing the cart and said, “Dude, I make pushing garbage look good.”

He then fixed his hair with a free hand in one of the many casino mirrors. I began feeling sick to my stomach because I know…this is reality.

The casino bar picture is from Matthew’s public gallery.
The cocktail waitresses in the picture are not the girls I work with.

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The Beer Swizzling Dope Smoking Guitar Student

I got a new job this week! The reason I decided to get a real job is because I haven’t paid taxes in three years…haha. So, what do I do for a living? Currently, I teach guitar lessons, which I’ve been doing off and on since I was a teenager. My business is steady and relies 100% on word of mouth advertising. I also repair, rebuild and occasionally refinish guitars. If you’re interested, I wrote about my career as a guitar design engineer in Jobs and Careers: My Journey to Happiness. I also repair computers but that’s another story.

I have people tell me all the time, “Wow, that sounds like a fun job!”

It can be fun but not always. I have 17 students right now, which about average – sometimes I’ll get an influx of new people, but most don’t last; I’m a very serious instructor and cannot teach beginners. Before I’ll consider teaching someone, I prefer they have several years of experience and already know how to read music.

I will occasionally take a beginner but only if they are serious. When it comes to young kids wanting to play guitar, 90% of the time it’s a parent that just wants them out of the house for an hour. I have a friend who teaches those kinds of kids and he has no problem taking their money even though he knows they are wasting their money. I can’t do that; I demand they actually practice.

Last week, I had a guy come by for his first lesson (I was recommended to him through a friend, so I accepted because I trust his judgment). The guy is in his early 30’s, plays professionally, has long greasy looking hair and is covered in tattoos – basically, he looks like Slash from Guns N’ Roses. I get a lot of guys who have played rock music for years but get to the point where they want to learn more about Jazz and music theory, which is my specialty.
He walks in my house with a guitar nestled under his arm, a partial six-pack of beer in his left hand, an open beer in his right and a lit cigarette in his crusty mouth. He says, “Yo dude, what’s up…is Bobby here?”

I said, “I’m Bobby.”

“What?…no way dude, you don’t look like the guitarist my boy told me about. Is this the right house?” he belched out.

“Yo dude…like, you know man…I don’t mean to be rude, but like…you need to put that beer back in your car, put that cigarette out…and yes, this is the right house, my name is Bobby. If you are serious about lessons here, you need to show it.” I firmly asserted, sounding like a dimwit surfer dude…haha! (my “boy” failed to tell me about his bad habits!)

I wasn’t very excited about my new student to say the least (I really don’t care what he does in his free time, but I take my lessons seriously). So, we are sitting there with our guitars and he says, “You don’t look like a guitarist…well, impress me or something so I can decide if I want to pay you for lessons.”

I busted out laughing, I just couldn’t help it – this guy was a perfect example of why I’ve lost some of my love for teaching. I told him to play a ii-v-i chord progression through the cycle of fourths and I would solo. Before he could say anything I said, “On four…one, two, three…”

With head tilted and eyebrows cocked, he said, “Hold on dude…what? Say all that in English.”

He pulled out a bag of marijuana and said, “We should get high first, that way I can concentrate.”

I ended the lesson at that point! What is the world coming to? Before he left, I charged him $17.50 for the 30 wasted minutes (it took him nearly that long to actually sit down). I think I hurt his feelings when I told him that I was a guitar teacher not a baby sitter, and he didn’t “qualify as a student”. I told him to not feel bad, I normally charge $30.00 for 30 minutes, which I discounted just for him!

What does a guitarist look like? I guess my beer swizzling, dope smoking student has that down pat – just not the playing part (hey, at least Slash actually can play). When I go to the IRS to pay back taxes, I’ll tell my case manager – with a psychedelic bandanna wrapped around my head and pungent liquor breath, “You don’t look like an IRS agent…can we get high before we start? It helps me concentrate!”

I will tell you all about my new job in an upcoming post along with the reasons I already despise it! :mrgreen:

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Confessions of a Politically Confused Average American

As an American, not only am I politically confused, I am disgusted. There is a massively deep division between democrats and republicans and within the parties themselves. This upcoming election is not “fun” to watch and is not making me feel patriotic. Does it make me unpatriotic or less American to question our leaders intentions?

It’s amazing how different people see politics depending on which state they live in, what country they’re from, education, religion and so forth. Since I’ve “come down” from my prescribed anti-depressants I feel like I said some things in my previous post The New World Order – Zeitgeist which were born of anger. I believe that I allowed emotions to cloud my judgment.

One thing I am certain of is that America is screwed up in so many ways. Classes are becoming more separate, education is at an all time low quality and yet, somehow, I’m supposed to vote for a candidate (and feel good about it). That’s a tall order no matter how you slice it.

In Regard to 9-11

The truth is, I don’t know what to believe. I’ve taken a hard look at the available evidence from both sides, and still – I am absolutely unsure of anything. That is so sad. What a heavy burden for any of us to endure.

While my brain was adjusting to taking no medications, I was swept up in conspiracy theories about 9-11 (that’s enough to drive a person crazy…haha). The very idea that our own government could have had something to do with killing 3000 of it’s own citizens is of monumental concern. Is it true? Is it just conspiracy theory nonsense? Is it partially true? This is the problem, I just don’t know.

If the Bush administration had been much more forthcoming and open in it’s investigation, much of this could have been prevented. All I can say is that these people look so suspicious! It’s enough to drive people mad. I’m mad about it, aren’t you? I do feel much calmer now and that is such a huge relief.

The very thought of not knowing is just as bad as the theories all being true in many respects. Presidential candidate Ron Paul puts the idea of the “New World Order” and “The North American Union” in perspective for me. It’s not really a shadowy group of nefarious people plotting secretly to rule the world, it’s a matter of differing political beliefs. One group believes in globalism, and the other believes in national sovereignty (speaking very broadly).

Here’s a video of Ron Paul explaining the North American Union:
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One World Government?

The idea of a one world government is not a new one. From an idealistic standpoint, it offers many benefits such as having no wars and borderless nations – all of us joining as one people under one rule. This sounds good? I used to think it did until I began educating myself, looking at all sides. Then again, I have no idea what I’m talking about.

With a one world government, there will be one authority with no real way to assure there is no corruption. Corruption will always exist as it is a reflection of humankind’s imperfect laws. Having many countries under separate rule helps keep corruption at a minimum (or does it?).

Of course, I am certainly no expert in any of these areas, and perhaps I should keep my opinions to myself. I will tell you that I am against the idea of war and very much against the death penalty. I don’t want to cause problems to get worse and write things that support the wrong people. I just want world peace…what an idealistic fantasy.

Final Word

I am not turning this into a political blog…haha! Many readers come here, see a political article and are automatically uninterested. Hey, I understand! Politics suck! Most people blog so they can get away from all this, not to read more of it! If you see me write memes and stress free articles coming up, I hope you understand – I need a break. I think I’ll spend the next few days reading and commenting on other blogs, I finally feel up to it.

Today, I will eat an entire box of chocolate doughnuts and wash it down with ice-cold rootbeer (as you know, they are both filled with mind control substances completely designed to destroy my civil liberties).

So I confess, I am like so many of you…politically confused and absolutely fed up with all of it.

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Dealing With Depression

This has been a rough few months for me personally though I fake being happy everyday of my life. You smile at people, exchanging niceties all the while your world is falling apart. You pretend everything is alright even though – deep inside, you know it isn’t.

I’ve been taking a break from blogging because of dealing with depression. I used to share extremely intimate outpourings here and I have made many mistakes of getting way too personal. I’ve read where many people say you should draw a line on just how personal you get here; I definitely agree with that.

I have taken 3 different anti-depressant medications over the past several months and each seemed to work somewhat effectively for a little while but then they seem to make things worse. I have had really bad effects from these drugs, some of them I couldn’t tolerate.

If I feel like I’m going to cry, I can’t. It’s like some strange cerebral shield has overtaken my emotions. It’s like having the instinctual desire to scream in fear but you don’t as to avoid giving up your position, like in a war where enemy soldiers are hunting you down. You want to laugh but something so unfunny is keeping you from it but you don’t know what it is.

The drugs make me feel as if I’m under a powerful control, one that freezes my emotions. One feeling remains during all this, a terrifying sadness that seems to permeate my entire being. Little things that normally wouldn’t register become magnified to the point of absolute insanity – yet I cannot cry, get mad, laugh it off or forget it! It’s a feeling I just cannot deal with.

Depression, in my case, usually comes out of the blue while in the midst of feeling great and is completely unprovoked. After that point, every little thing triggers a worsened condition. I know I probably have a brain chemistry imbalance (which 7 different doctors have agreed upon), but the medications seem to only make it worse.

I have decided to stop these medications and go a natural route like I did for twenty or so years before I received medical help (plus it’s just too expensive). I am armed with much new knowledge than ever before. I believe that I will be successful in dealing with these problems and will take any good advice from anyone who has some.

I apologize for not visiting many people the past several days, but I really needed a break. My weekly “Bobby’s Batch” will be postponed until later next week. Thanks so much to all my friends who are so supportive of me. After 15 days of not taking my meds, I’m finally feeling normal again!

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