This has been a rough few months for me personally though I fake being happy everyday of my life. You smile at people, exchanging niceties all the while your world is falling apart. You pretend everything is alright even though - deep inside, you know it isn’t.
I’ve been taking a break from blogging because of dealing with depression. I used to share extremely intimate outpourings here and I have made many mistakes of getting way too personal. I’ve read where many people say you should draw a line on just how personal you get here; I definitely agree with that.
I have taken 3 different anti-depressant medications over the past several months and each seemed to work somewhat effectively for a little while but then they seem to make things worse. I have had really bad effects from these drugs, some of them I couldn’t tolerate.
If I feel like I’m going to cry, I can’t. It’s like some strange cerebral shield has overtaken my emotions. It’s like having the instinctual desire to scream in fear but you don’t as to avoid giving up your position, like in a war where enemy soldiers are hunting you down. You want to laugh but something so unfunny is keeping you from it but you don’t know what it is.
The drugs make me feel as if I’m under a powerful control, one that freezes my emotions. One feeling remains during all this, a terrifying sadness that seems to permeate my entire being. Little things that normally wouldn’t register become magnified to the point of absolute insanity - yet I cannot cry, get mad, laugh it off or forget it! It’s a feeling I just cannot deal with.
Depression, in my case, usually comes out of the blue while in the midst of feeling great and is completely unprovoked. After that point, every little thing triggers a worsened condition. I know I probably have a brain chemistry imbalance (which 7 different doctors have agreed upon), but the medications seem to only make it worse.
I have decided to stop these medications and go a natural route like I did for twenty or so years before I received medical help (plus it’s just too expensive). I am armed with much new knowledge than ever before. I believe that I will be successful in dealing with these problems and will take any good advice from anyone who has some.
I apologize for not visiting many people the past several days, but I really needed a break. My weekly “Bobby’s Batch” will be postponed until later next week. Thanks so much to all my friends who are so supportive of me. After 15 days of not taking my meds, I’m finally feeling normal again!
The picture is from Frostfirefizz.com on a post entitled How to Stop Depression (a really beneficial work by the way).
well i for one am an advocate of just doing it without the meds… i do find solace in writing,, and i am comfortable bleeding on the page,, and in my case,, that in itself is therapeutic… do what you feel comfortable with.. being the voice of doom is ok sometimes too,, if that is who you feel you are that day…
paisley’s last blog post..conformities cage
Thanks Paisley, I am trying! It really is and should be ok to say whatever we want.
I have been really stressed and depressed lately, and I am trying to read what others have said to see if I can find a way to come out of it. Thanks for the article!
Thanks Shevonne, I’ll stop by and help cheer you up!
Hope you feel better!
teeni’s last blog post..My Technical Romance
I do Teeni, thanks so much for helping me!
Hi Bobby, hang in there! I hope u cheer up really soon and I’m happy to hear you’re back to feeling normal again!
PS. On a lighter note, I just tagged u with a meme, feel free to do it ok? It might just cheer you up, take care and have a nice weekend!
Genie Princess’s last blog post..I Love, I Want!
Thanks Marzie, I certainly don’t feel 100% but am better. I’m tired from feeling this way and hope I will be alright. I should do a meme from you to make me feel better
Bobby I feel your pain and all I can offer is my hand in friendship. I know where you are, in that I have traveled the desolate darkness of depression for many years. Do what you need to do for yourself…and never feel that you have to explain. My prayers are with you…and I’m sending you warm thoughts and bigs hugs.
your friend
Mighty Morgan
Mighty Morgan’s last blog post..Merry Go Round
When I feel normal, things that are stressful seem like nothing to me. When depression strikes, everything seems bad. I do constantly believe and know I will be alright, but it doesn’t work constantly…haha! Thank you Morgan, you helped me very much!
I hope you cheer up soon buddy . Just start visiting a few blogs and that will definately help .
Madhur Kapoor’s last blog post..Encrypt Folders with Folder Encryption
That sounds like a great idea Madhur, I will do that! Thanks
Bobby,
You know how you want to reach out and help someone who hurts?
I have no idea what to say and feel badly that words fail me at this time.
So, I’ll just say that I hope that you will find healing for whichever part of your being is misaligned with the others.
The parts of you that I’ve come to know are really swell and I and others would miss those parts sorely if you are not you…
Peace,
Mitch
Mitchell Allen’s last blog post..St. Valentine’s Day Mascara
Thanks Mitchell, what a poignant comment! I feel good today but weening my self off the anti-depressants will take some getting used to. Peace to you my friend
I am an advocate for being med. free. I have been for several years now. So please know the position I come from when I say this… make sure you are being monitored by your doctor as you titrate off of them slowly. Don’t stop them all at once, because that will screw with your head more than anything else you can imagine. Also make sure you have a good level of support from people around you, and people you can talk to if things get worse than bad for you. I’m not saying that’s what the meds. will do when you start going off of them, but be prepared for the possibility that it may. As always you can e-mail me anytime as well, Bobby. It will take you a period of adjustment as your body tries to level itself out as you go off the meds. Keep reminding yourself of that.
Square1’s last blog post..She’s in the Know
I do have good support and have a great doctor. My sister is a psychologist who helps me quite a bit also. Sometimes all the professional help can actually get stressful for me if that makes any sense. Thanks so much for your advice, I will definitely keep it in mind as I’m sure I’ll need it
We’re always here when you need us. Always. Now get up and do a meme haha
Brown Baron’s last blog post..Bloody Blades: Ninja Forest Duels
Thanks Brown Baron, I feel better already!!!
Hi Bobby. You’re a brave man for making this public and I commend you for it. I do believe you are simply dealing with something that everyone has to some degree. It is not something “most of us” want to admit to and most of us don’t even know about it.
I see kids in School frequently labeled with ADD. A doctor friend of mine calls it PDD (Parental Disorder Syndrome). I’ll let you read into that what you like. I believe there’s a lot in it. Plus food coloring etc poisons us all to a large degree and messes with our chemical balance.
I suffer from depression from time to time. I don’t know if it’s abnormal. How can I compare? No one can know how someone else feels. It’s like backpain (I’ve had that 24/7 for about 5 years, now). No one can tell what it’s like until they have it themselves. My cure is this: Get in my car and put on a CD with a “Happy Memory Song”. One that makes me laugh. One fond memory I have is of my son, when he was 3, putting my sunglasses on upside down. He thought he was the coolest thing going around and he looked hilarious.
No tablets would substitute that cure for me.
Laughter is a great medicine mate! Get some funny movies and laugh lots. That puts the right chemicals into you.
Sometimes, happiness can be mistaken with sadness. Have you ever had a really happy memory then felt sad? I sure have! Why? I’m not sure. Maybe it’s a sense of loss. The knowledge of growing older and knowing you can’t go back there. Or maybe it’s fear of not having those good times again. Who knows? The best advice I can give is to accept everything we have right now and move forward with excitement about the future.
I’m here for you as I know you’re there for me. There’s a string of good guys above us in this thread and they are there for you too.
Sean Rasmussen’s last blog post..Gratitude For The Malolo Island Bula Band On YouTube
Thanks Sean, I’m almost up to writing a new post. It does take a while for the drugs to wear off; it’s taken a while but I feel fairly normal, at least right this moment. I tried medications only as a last resort and have discovered that the ones I tried didn’t work for me.
Take care. I think that drugs are often over-prescribed when perhaps something natural ought to be tried first. Mind you, sometimes drugs are necessary too. The important thing is finding something that works. Just be careful, and take care of yourself.
Don’t worry about blogging in the meantime. If it does concern you, you could always ask for guest writers, then you’d have something to fill in for those days you just don’t want to blog. Otherwise, don’t worry too much about it. I’m sure many of us have you in our feed readers, so we’ll see when you have something new. In any case, keep us updated. You know your readers worry for you!
dcr’s last blog post..Get Worthless Links with Britney Spears?
Thanks DCR, I actually feel good today. I think I’ll do some bloghopping today as it’ll be fun!
Dear Bobby,
I’m don’t think you’d wanna hear this advice because you probably heard it a hundred times from other friends. I for one stay the hell away from medicines and alcohol whenever I am depressed (but yeah I drink a lot when I am happy or celebrating but thats a different story).
I’ve never told anybody this and only my closest friends know, but I was once a drug-abuser when I was merely still in School. I started taking it because of depression (exam anxiety and peer pressure) and I really got deep into it. Fortunately, I came out of that habit, (with a lot of help from my local church prayer group).
By drugs, I don’t mean the strong stuff, but pharmaceutical drugs like cough syrups, pain killers, sleeping tablets and cold capsules. Man I used to abuse them like hell because we could easily obtain them from the pharmacy if you pay the clerk a little bit extra, and in a country like India, nobody really checks that kinda stuff. Now its been more than 10 years since I’ve come clean, and I am strong on not going down that path again.
What I’m trying to say is, I don’t think medicine is the cure to depression. It only offers a brief relief, but later, that entire depression comes back again. Instead, try doing something else, like reading, writing (even writing about your depression helps). And you need someone you can lean to, someone who can talk you out of your depression, or simply someone you can spend time with, visiting the mall, going for a drive, a swim, a jog etc. These are all effective measures to counter depression sans the meds.
Do take care of yourself bobby, and let us know of your progress if you don’t mind.
- Kima.
Sandman’s last blog post..Chp 164. Happy Valentine’s Porn
In America, illegal drugs are everywhere, in every school. The American government claims that only 13% of highschool kids use drugs, however, this is a complete lie. Thanks so much for sharing your personal struggles! I’m glad you are living clean, it’s the only way to go. It seems that both the anti-depressants and my depression itself have affected what I write - sometimes bad, sometimes good.
From one chemically unbalanced blogger to another. I know what the black dog feels like. Good luck with it.
Beaman’s last blog post..Iraq Poem & Discussion
I am known as the insane yo-yo here where I live.
Thanks Beaman, I will survive.
Hallos Bobby!
Moods change. We are human beings. Can’t feel happy and cheery all the time.
I do not know if it’s a wise choice that you stop taking the medications that has been prescribed to you. Would you want to seek opinion from your doctor before doing so? Stopping it suddenly like this might cause somethings that you might not be aware of.
Your blog is YOUR blog. It is your platform to write in whichever manner that you like. If people can’t appreciate your style, they are free not to visit or read. You might have been criticised for some approaches that you had taken in writing, but that IS you!! You are being yourself by writing what you feel is worth writing about. You can’t just stop being yourself because some people might not like you way you present things. Right?
Blessings!
waterlearner’s last blog post..A Little Surprise
Hi Karen! Most people stay away from anything controversial in fear of not being criticized themselves. The reason I write some controversy is simply to learn. Anyway, I feel great today!
So that’s what happen to you…I do wonder because of no new updates but I remember that we also have normal life when we are not blogging…caught by the pressure of this world, many turns to medication…but that’s not always the best cure…for me, when I’m depressed, I’ve someone that understand me better than my self..He cannot be seen but somehow He take my sorrow away…It is just unexplainable…My prayer, hugs and loves from a brother to another is with you during your time of depression…
nimrodjo’s last blog post..Taglines Of The Week 5 (ToW 5)
Hi Nimrodjo! I finally feel like a human being. It has been extremely difficult getting these drugs out of my system…the transition has been terrible! I’ll be by soon
[...] of my Sunday link love specials. My friend Bobby who inspired me to this great idea is a bit depressed at the moment. So why don’t you drop by his blog and leave a comment so as to cheer him up. Also do go [...]
Bobby, you’re taking a brave step here, my friend, and I commend you for doing so. You have the support of the community you’ve built here, so be sure to keep that in mind as you take one day at a time.
Mark’s last blog post..Drummin’ Up Some Link Love #30
I feel like an evil spirit was exorcised from my soul since I stopped taking anti-depressants…WHAT A RELIEF!!!!!! Thanks Mark
I do hope you get well soon..
Laila’s last blog post..Nice Video
Thank you Laila! I do feel better, how sweet of you to say that!
Hi Bobby,
I think the main thing to remember is that depression is not all that “abnormal”. Pretty much all of us suffer depression from time to time. You can certainly count me in that group.
For me, the most frustrating part, is when I’m feeling “down”, and I can’t just “fix” it myself.
I commend you for wanting to take the drug free route. But, as Square1 mentioned above, be careful as you come off of them. My ex-wife has been on just about every anti-depressant imaginable, and I can tell you, some of her worst times were when she was stopping and/or switching meds.
One thing you do seem to have going for you, is a lot of people to talk to … at least here online.
Again, count me in on that group. If there’s anything I can do for you, or if you just want to chat, feel free to drop me a line any time.
Todd
Todd Morris’s last blog post..I Missed a Deal on a Product I Wanted
Thanks Todd! It’s nice to have people to talk to, and my blogging buddies have helped me so many times, I am truly humbled. I’m here for you too buddy!
Just popping by to check on you.
Good to hear that you are ok. Keep the spirits up and pamper yourself a little if necessary.
It’s a beautiful day here in Singapore. Hope it’s the same where you are.
Have a Great Week Ahead.
WaterLearner’s last blog post..MIA
Thanks Karen! It’s so nice to see you!!!
Hey Bobby, how’re u doing today? Just dropping by with a hug!
Genie Princess’s last blog post..Happy Birthday Kitties!
Much, much better Marzie Warzie…hahaha! Thanks for the cheery comment
Hey Bobby, I know how you feel. Everyone has gone through some form of depression one time or the other. I know I have. I’ve had my back pinned against the wall with no hope in sight whatsoever. And it sure ain’t good. But with the help of friends and loved ones, I got through it. So don’t give up, you’ve got loads of friends here who care about you, so isn’t that a good sign?
Hang in there and things will sure pick up again. Trust me on this one, k?
Nick Phillips’s last blog post..Rest In Peace, Mr. Motorcycle Guy!
Thanks Nick! I have been suffering from depression all my life, it seems to be genetic. I am doing well now, so I have nothing to complain about today. I find that writing about it really helps, and my blogger buddies (like you) help me feel much better
Bobby, hope you are getting better? You have a psychologist sister, glad to know that she is rendering help to you.
Take care, my dear friend…. hug hug
Janice’s last blog post..McDonald’s Breakfast for the boys
Thanks Janice! You have helped me cheer up…hehe
Hey Bobby…
It is alright for u to take a break. We all will need it at one point of time. It is understandable…
Don’t rely heavily on pills coz most of the time it would aggravate the depression. U can consume them at the initial stages, but not too often. There are many other ways to overcome it, like more exercises, listening to music, and since u can play the guitar, make good use of that talent u have to cool yourself down.
When someone is depressed, it is usually because he or she has worked a little too hard for the past years, so right now, what u need is relaxation.
NAFA’s last blog post..A Friend In Need Is A Friend Indeed
Thanks Nafa! It is great to see you
My doctors recommended anti-depressants, so I gave them a shot. I will be fine without them, and of course, you’re right. I allow myself to get caught up in the negativity of politics sometimes, and it upsets me. I’m not cut out to be a politician, that’s for sure! 
Dear Bobby, I read your comments that you are getting better each day..I hope so! It’s so hard to stop something we depend on for quite a long time..but I am glad that you are brave enough to stop it! Go for it, buddy… you don’t have to be someone else..you don’t have to smile while you want to cry… human is made perfectly I guess… when they sad, they can cry to ease the pain.. they do have emotions that can heal themselves from agony I guess… anyway, when we are not strong, we don’t have to walk alone… there is our Great Creator who always watching us and give us strength… depend on Him instead…find Him..seek Him and know Him…
I won’t preach here
I am here for you, as your friend, Bobby… buzz me if you need me… I will be there for you!
Trinity! You can preach anytime, your intention is true and pure. I believe in God and yes, I am filled with blessings!!!!
Thank you so much!
Haha! Of course u can if u diligently follow up with the political issues of today.
But like u said, u need a break from all that. And u should!
NAFA’s last blog post..A Friend In Need Is A Friend Indeed
I am relaxing right now Nafa!
I do know that anti-depressants made me feel much worse though.
Hi Bobby, hope you’re doing great!
I found a nice short video about coping with depression and thought of sharing it with you.
You can watch it here
Have a great day!
Laila’s last blog post..How to cope with depression
Thanks Laila, I will check it out