We are bombarded with the importance of image and societal class every day of our lives. The way a person looks is often placed above their values and it is reinforced by compliments and feelings of false self-esteem.

People buy $25,000.00 Rolex watches on credit so people will view them as high class citizens. Hence they can look down on another for not wearing name brands. I am perplexed by this and find it to be the most ridiculous aspect of life. From $500.00 haircuts to thousand dollar shoes, people are all about their image.

I saw an advertisement for some website that rents designer purses to women yesterday and laughed uncontrollably; I literally almost passed out. I’m sorry, but that is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. What kind of person would rent a purse? Who would even know that it was so great anyway?

I’ve known guys who rented sports cars to impress a girl on a hot date (not me!) – but purse rental? If a woman rents a purse it will not impress a man. Men don’t notice purses or what brand of clothes a woman wears. It would only be to impress other women or just to make themselves feel important.

Imagine this: I see a woman with a fancy handbag, walk up and say,”What a beautiful purse! Let me guess – it’s a custom shop Gucci – no, it’s a Louis Vuitton! Is it a rental, or did you buy?”

As absurd as that sounds, it would probably be a great opening line (except for asking if it was rented) for someone into superficiality. If I dated a woman with a rented purse, would I need a matching rented wallet? Where can I rent some designer underwear? You never know when you’ll need these items!

dirty-suit.jpg

So I’m standing there, looking filthy rich in my rented Jean Paul Gautier suit. Behind me is my rented Porsche and people standing downwind can smell the delicious aroma of my overpriced Creed Bois du Portugal cologne. I step forward in my rented, $1500.00 Testoni
Norvegese shoes and pray someone important notices how cool I am – if only for a second.

“Please God, someone notice my opulence…my swagger…my richness! Look at me you poor fools – wearing your $12.00 Wal-Mart sneakers and your $5.00 t-shirts. SOMEBODY PLEASE LOOK AT HOW RICH I AM!”

In the midst of my conniption fit, a dirty piece of trash pickup truck drives by, splashing a tidal wave of grotesque mud all over my wealthy attire. I scream, “You scumbag piece of human dirt…how dare you!”

I cannot bring these soiled clothes back to the rental store; I will have to actually buy them. I took out a high interest loan just to rent them – now, I’ll probably lose my apartment and have to move into a poor neighborhood. What on Earth will I do?

I see a rich man step out of a Rolls Royce, noticing a thick wallet in his jacket pocket. I run at him in a ferocious rage, “Give me your wallet fool…I gotta pay my bills!”

A poor street thug sporting a gold chain and drinking Bling-Bling Blue Raspberry wine blows my head off with a shotgun – my blood sodden brains splatter across my rented porsche. Yes…redemption…and I die in style.

bling-bling-mad-dog.jpgIf you’re wondering, there actually is Bling-Bling wine. I used to manage a liquor store that serviced a poor area, inundated with crack head wino’s. Mogen David 20/20 wine is a traditional, high alcohol wine affectionately known as “mad dog”. With a stroke of business genius, they decided to capitalize on America’s love affair with gang culture and put a fake gold chain sticker on the bottle and named it “Bling-Bling”. Hahahahahahahaha! People came in the store in droves saying, “Yo…gimme some of that bling-bling…hell yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout!” I still have trouble believing that people actually bought this stuff…now that’s American.

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