Storm of Tears
I was driving along the beach last night and decided to stop for a little while. I took my shoes off and walked down to the water’s edge and sat down. I never go to the beach anymore, especially at night, as it reminds me of my an ex-girlfriend. It was warm, but a nice balmy breeze rolled across my face as I stared into the starry sky.
I thought about my life. I thought about how I had to sever ties with so many friends the past few years. Nearly every friend I’ve ever had has either moved away , died, gone to prison or are drug addicts. I don’t judge people for using drugs and I have used them myself. I grew up and no longer do things like that. If someone is using drugs and especially if they carry them around in their pockets, I cannot be their friend. I’ve seen many of my friends go to prison and many have died from them; however, I can and will help any of them if they want it. As I looked into the sky, I felt relieved that I am strong enough to make wise decisions no matter how much they hurt.
I watched shrimp boats off in the distance and felt a sadness in my heart. I realized how alone I am in my life. I have my family and my blogging buddies - that’s all I have. I was thinking about how many people I know who are happily married with families and how they celebrate life. My life is so different than theirs. It’s extremely difficult to not be bitter when people have wonderful relationships - while your own life is filled with rejection and unbelievable disappointments.
Imagine that you’re starving and someone is telling you about their new house, new sports car and how they just ate a huge meal - all the while, you’re sick and stomach is extremely empty. Imagine being poor and unable to buy your children a toy. Someone then tells you about how they received endless Christmas gifts. You tell them how wonderful it must be for them - inside you are in pain, holding back a storm of tears. Bitterness is like fire, it engulfs your soul and fills you with sadness. It can destroy your life.
I choose to not be bitter. I choose to not allow myself to feel bad because someone has a great life. Instead, I will celebrate with them. I congratulate them and truly mean what I say. I choose to not hold sadness in my heart. So I sat thinking all this while staring into the midnight sky. The place that used to bring me pain and only remind me of lost love has taken on new meaning. I feel like I am just starting to love my life and myself. I felt tears well up and one trickled down my cheek. At that very moment, a shooting star blazed across the heavens. I wished that I would find my soul mate - someone to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t necessarily believe in such wishes, but that shooting star came at such a strange time. I sat there crying, sitting in the sand. It started to rain soon after, and I cried even more. It seemed that every drop of rain were tears from the bottom of my soul. Lightning struck the water and tentacles of electric fire danced across the waves. I smiled and awaited the thunder.
The lightning picture is from Moonsheep.
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Hello my friend,
You know that saying “it’s always darkest before the dawn”?
I think it’s like that with Love too …
You’re most likely to find it, sometime after you stop looking. Funny how that works.
I’ve only known you for a short time, and only here online, but even just from that, it’s obvious that you have a lot to give.
It’s only a matter of time before that lightning it striking you (in a good way)
Catch up with you again soon,
Todd
That is an awesome photo - very appropriate to your post. Have you given any thought to signing up for any adult classes at night like tennis lessons or even teaching writing classes yourself? You might meet a lot of people that way and the more people you know in real life, the closer your are to meeting your soul mate. I took tennis lessons, ceramics, ballroom dancing, swing dancing and knitting and met some lovely people who I’m still in touch with and they all live in surrounding towns. I can just see you impressing some older woman so much that she wants to set her sexy young niece up with you.
teeni’s last blog post..The Entertainment Meme
I’m sorry life is kicking you in the ass right now, but good for you for making the decision to not be bitter. It is so hard to watch other people experiencing happiness when it seems so faraway for you, but right on for dealing with it so well.
Naomi Dunford’s last blog post..How We Killed Social Media
for every ten people you think has a life better than yours….8.5 percent of them are faking it too… you are not alone….
paisley’s last blog post..for rent
hi bobby,
wow…they are some strong feelings,however can relate, being married is not to be disquailified in these feelings let me tell you.
you can feel lonely even if one is single or married, as marriage is a huge struggle , some more then others of course.
Be strong my friend………as it seems you really are…….you are truly amazing…..
dar’s last blog post..My Nephews
This is poignant and beautiful. Your words convey such vivid images.
I hold you in my thoughts, Dear One.
Hugs.
Robin Lee Sardini’s last blog post..Good Intentions Gone Awry
I’ve had to end friendships because of similar reasons. It’s not easy. You can only do so much — and you can only help those who want to be helped.
On soulmates, I believe they do exist. He/She is not necessarily the person you spend the rest of your life (as a couple) with…but that person will be with you your whole life. Sometimes, they become known to you in the most unexpected times of your life.
Have a nice weekend!
gypsy’s last blog post..Happy Friday
I think that loneliness is something learned, and not natural. I think that it is society that teaches us otherwise. I think that society largely treats single people as though singleness is a temporary illness and not at all natural. From a very young age, we’re told that “there is someone for everyone” and, when a relationship ends, “there are more fish in the sea.”
After high school and college, most adult gatherings are focused around couples. At weddings and other social events, the invitation is generally for a couple or for an individual “plus one.” More or less, it is a way of saying you shouldn’t come alone. Or, you shouldn’t feel obligated to come alone and should feel free to bring a guest, after all, pairs are natural and going anywhere by yourself is not.
Plus, at paid events, couples often get a discount. You might see something for $60 per person or $100 per couple. So, in a way, singleness is both punished and discouraged.
So, I think a lot of loneliness stems from a societal code that something is not right with the person who is not paired off. As a result, even someone with several failed marriages, but who still has a current spouse or “plus one” is considered more normal than the person who doesn’t have a “plus one.”
On top of that, you even have the extreme arguments. For example, that pedophile priests abused children because they weren’t allowed to be married. Thus, unmarried people can be dangerous. They’re weird and not normal. If someone doesn’t have a “plus one”, they must be some sort of perverted deviant.
Thus, I think aloneness is seen as abnormal, and that feelings of loneliness result from those societal pressures around us that say something is wrong with you.
I choose instead to reject society’s definition of “normal” and substitute my own.
dcr’s last blog post..Spam Saturday: Change Your Life with Porn
Hi Bobby! Don’t be sad! I’m sure the shooting star will help make ur wish come true and some day soon, your soul mate will walk into ur life! Hugs..
Genie Princess’s last blog post..True Love Tag
Hallos Dude,
Struck by pangs of loneliness again?
Hey, why don’t you try to go out and make real effort to make more friends?
It might not be easy. You might get a few rejections, but hey ..
“A Journey of a Thousand Miles,
Must begin with the very First Step.”
If you don’t try, you will never know!
It is quite clear to you for quite some time that you are in a state that you are clearly not comfortable and wish to get out. So make plans, make effort to get out of it.
Humans are creatures in need of company. Friends, families and love ones.
You have such charm and great creativity and talents.
I am sure that someone is out there waiting to know you.
Have a Great Weekend
Waterlearner’s last blog post..Idle
Bobby….of all the post that I have read of yours, this one touched me so deeply within. Your story is the same story as mine. I wish that I could offer you some magical words that could soothe your spirit in the way that you desire in order to know..TO KNOW fully and completely that no matter what you are never alone. My own experience is so similar to yours and all I know and have discovered that along this path of life that you are walking upon at this point in time…you are moving closer and closer, step by step towards all that your heart desires.
Sometimes you need to feel so completely alone…in order to discover that you are not and have never been alone.Embrace the feelings that are coming forth from the depths of within and allow yourself permission to know that in time you WILL love again.
Warm thoughts and big hugs from me to you
Morgan
mighty morgan’s last blog post..Sooner then Later
I can share the feeling Bobby. Although I find it hard to not be bitter. For the same reason I avoid social closeness.
Nice post. Take care.
Setu’s last blog post..Expelled
Bobby, Always remember this, Things are no always what they seem when looking in from the outside. I am having a very bad time right now in life. if you were to look in from the outside you couldn’t see it. Life sorta feels like “The grass is always greener on the other side” to me. I hope ans pray you find a special person to share your ups and downs with. Peace, Judy
Judy’s last blog post..This N That
Hi Bobby
Your post reminded me of the human ability to hide sadness (bad news) and display happiness (good news, when showing your facade to the world. Let me give you an example:
Gamblers: They always tell you about the latest win they had - not the previous 10 losses that lost 10 times more than the win.
Investors: They generally tell you of the good trades / purchases they made that resulted in a good upside - not the bad ones that may have more than made up for the winnings.
Fishermen: The big ones, when it’s to late to see the fish and the one that got away when you’re there to see the proof.
Relationships: You see and hear most of the good stuff. The bad stuff goes on behind locked doors. Few people want to display their dirty laundry. No one wants to read the blog: MyWifeNagsMe.com / MyHusbandTheDrunk.com / GiveMeABreak.com or YellingAtTheKids.com
It’s a human tendency to show the good side to the world. We need to remember the good stuff to survive. Remember the “Good Old Times? You remember the good times. It’s not called the “Bad Old Times” for a reason” We forget the bad stuff. There’s an inbuilt tendency to erase the bad memories or at least soften them down a bit. Life would be far to painful to recall all the grief, pain, injuries, etc… We need to forget them.
Maybe that’s why we don’t seem to learn very fast from history. History does repeat. That’s a fact.
So, mate, Your session on the beach is one that everyone has, on their own, every now and again. We are not alone doing this stuff. There is a relief-valve in us that has to be opened from time to time and you have the guts to make it public. Well done!
I recall a video I posted very recently on my blog. I’d like to share it with you. I filmed it in Fiji by the “Malolo Island Bula Band” and it is a “happy” sad song. Written by Eric Clapton when he tragically lost his 5 year old son. “Tears In Heaven”
http://www.seanrasmussen.com/lifestyle/sean-rasmussen-easter-message-2008/
Your soulmate is out there right now. You need to put it out there and you’ve done it now. “Know” it will happen and it will.
Sean Rasmussen’s last blog post..Control Dramas and Pain Addictions
Bobby.
It may feel to you like you’ve displayed a moment of weakness, when in fact, you’ve displayed a magnitude of strength. Cudos to you for being Bobby Revell. There is no-one else in the world, you’d want to be. I know the feeling of loneliness. You are giving a lot of people strength through your blog. Peace be with you brother. Bless you and all of Revellians readers!
Sean Rasmussen’s last blog post..Control Dramas and Pain Addictions
Thanks Todd, I hope you’re right. I’ve had many people tell me the same thing. It might seem like it, but I’m in no hurry
Hi Teeni! Maybe I can meet a hot grandma in a ceramics class…haha!
You’re right though, it does help to meet many people. I will not give up hope 
Life’s been kicking my ass all my life!!!! Thanks Naomi
Thanks Paisley! I have a pretty good life, just no soul mate. I hope everyone achieves happiness
Are you saying marriage isn’t perfect for everyone? Haha…thanks so much Dar
Thank you Robin, you are so sweet
Thanks Gypsy! You are right
That’s quite an analysis DCR, you bring up many good points. I don’t care how society labels me, I just want a nice girlfriend who doesn’t lie
Hi Marzie! I’m not sad at all. If you’re sure that the shooting star will help, it must be true then - you are the expert in that area! Thank you Genie Princess
Hey Bobby, we all have low times and sometimes it helps to get it out like you did on the beach and also on this post.
In the grand scheme of things you should think about all you have to be thankful for though and there is plenty of time to find the right person.
Keep your head up and be happy and you’ll attract the things you want into your life naturally.
Thanks again
Billy’s last blog post..Adjustable Campfire Grill
Hi Karen! I’m doing quite well, but am frustrated. Thanks so much for being a good friend
Morgan! Yes, I know that you truly understand what I’m going through. It can be difficult for people to understand what it’s like to sever ties with literally every friend you ever had. 95% of every friend I have ever had is a drug addict, so that’s 95% of my friends out of my life completely. Thanks for your uplifting and beautiful comment - it means a great deal to me
Thanks Setu, I am basically starting a whole new life. The transition has been extremely painful and at times unbearable. You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. I wish you great and positive success
Thanks Judy! You know, I almost got married a few times but it was actually me who backed out, mostly because I didn’t fully trust them. I know in my heart that I made the right decision. I would be married to the wrong woman. I would rather be alone than to be married to someone who really doesn’t love me, and that’s exactly the situation I had. I hope and pray your life gets better. I guess my grass is green enough for now
Yozz Dude,
here to check out my favourite dude again.
How are u doing?
waterlearner’s last blog post..Idle
Thanks so much Sean! You always give me very useful comments - they are filled with wisdom. I’m definitely not looking for a perfect relationship with a perfect person - that is far removed from reality. I have had relationships with some truly evil women. I do know that is not my fault and will find a normal one…eventually. I will stay positive and believe good will come!
I’m actually a little embarrassed that I wrote this post, but I really had to get it out. Thanks Billy
I’m your favourite dude? Well then…you’re my favourite chic
I am doing well Karen. I felt down the day I wrote this post, but quickly bounced back. I cannot allow myself to be depressed like I used to. Thanks for checking on me…it means the world to me 
It proves that you are comfortable with yourself, and who you are to share feelings. I think we all have moments like these - just not all men are strong enough to admit them.
I find myself reflecting quite a bit lately. I think it is part of the way we evolve as humans, becoming better people, and more aware of what is REALLY important to us, not just what we want at any given moment.
Eric “Speedcat Hollydale”’s last blog post..Longing for Home
It’s a shame that so many young women will take 10-20 years in bad relationships before they figure out that their moms and grandmas were right - there are plenty of nice men out there if they’d just stop settling down with the flashy bad boy types. Meanwhile, eligible guys like you end up with a string of crazies that ultimately waste your time and make it harder for you to trust someone worthwhile when she does come along.
Once I figured out how to find the nice guys (fortunately at a pretty young age), I briefly dated a couple and picked out a keeper pretty quickly. I guess the only help I can offer is to look for happy families (low divorce rate, family togetherness, that sort of thing) and then figure out if they have any single women. It’s really the only reliable indicator I’ve ever really noticed, looking around at my sane female friends
I can relate to so much of what you have written. There is nothing like a good cry though to release the pain and make it good again. I think crying is a blessing! This is my first lengthy visit to your blog and I like much of what you have written, but I think this post is my favourite. Human!
Joh’s last blog post..Theres a Beautiful Mess Inside