Bobby’s Batch #12 - My Date With a Deceptive Lying Witch

There are only two things I know for sure:

1. I have dated many bizarre women with ulterior motives; some so strange, it seems like an impossibility of purely abstract fiction. I hope to meet one normal woman who doesn’t lie, cheat, steal, do drugs, have unprotected sex with numerous partners, hide extra children in the back room or have other boyfriends. Is that too much to ask for?

2. I will eventually die.

After my previous post of heartbreaking sadness, I felt I should explain a little. I am not sad or depressed in any way. I am however frustrated. Hey, you would cry too if you dated these people. I have dated the most mentally unstable women on Earth - just by chance. It’s like I won the deceptive lying witch lottery…read on:

One need look no further than the last woman I dated. Last month, I met a very nice woman who works as a bank teller. It started with a little flirtatious conversation and one of her coworkers telling me how single she was. I thought there was no way for her to be as bad as the last date I had - that really would be impossible.

We went out to dinner a few times, having much fun and some great conversation. When going on a date, I am like a boxer with a powerful defense. I test her intentions, looking for common signs of one who lies and so forth. I’ve been through hell, thus I do not allow myself to fall for someone very easily. I am completely honest and will lie under no circumstance. I used to lie a little (ok, maybe a lot), but learned from my mistakes. Nothing is worse than to be called out on a big fat lie.

She asked me over to her house for dinner. I was extremely apprehensive; however, I accepted. I had faith that she might really be nice and honest. She made it clear that she was truly interested in me. She tended to agree with everything I said. Every opinion I had about life, politics, relationships - she seemed to be in complete agreement with. That bothered me a little. I like people who will disagree with me and stand up for their own beliefs. It remained on my mind but I chose to let it slide, thinking I was over-analyzing her.

I arrived at her home around 7:00 pm. She answered the door in spandex, aerobic exercise apparel, covered in sweat stains. She smelled quite aromatic. She told me that because dinner was almost ready, she would not take a shower beforehand. I told myself, “It’s no big deal.” Then, I met her seven year old daughter, who she failed to tell me about. That was also fine with me - I didn’t mind at all. I don’t care if she has kids, I just prefer her to tell me about them. She had told me that she didn’t.

Things were a bit uncomfortable. I could sense something strange about to happen…lol. I kept telling myself, “It’s all in your head…stop freaking out.” The back door opened and in walked a strange man covered in automotive grease. He scowled at me and gave me a very sarcastic half-smile.

My date said, “Bobby, this is my boyfriend, Jake (not his real name). Jake, meet my new friend Bobby.”

Yay! She has a boyfriend - just as I had hoped…NOT. Jake rolled his eyes and then washed up for dinner. She whispered in my ear, “Don’t worry. Jake goes to work at midnight. Then we’ll be alone.”

How great was this situation? I get to spend five grueling hours with her and Jake - my idea of a fantastic date. I was really looking forward to getting to know Jake. I wanted to ask him, “So…does it bother you that your girlfriend brings dates home to meet you? How often do you have sex with her? Can I watch? Are you insane? Do you have herpes? Have you two been on the Jerry Springer show?”

I said, “Wow…my contact lens is really hurting my eye. Let me run out to my car and get my lens case so I can take this thing out.”

I ran to my car, hopped in and drove off…BYE-BYE. I immediately turned my cell phone off so she (or Jake) couldn’t call me. Whew…I felt like I just survived a war. Though this date was bizarre and extremely unusual, it’s the second time the exact same thing happened. That’s right! It has happened before. The last time, it was also with a woman who worked in a bank. The only difference is that she had a husband and a boyfriend - both of whom were at her house (I live in the twilight zone)! This is why I am so careful about who I date.

Next time, I will have my friend Vladamir (the KGB operative pictured above) administer my date a polygraph examination along with an entire array of tests, such as one for sexually transmitted diseases. I will also do a criminal background test. All of this must be completed before we go out…hahahahaha.

Enough is enough…get to the f*cking links already!

Whiteboy Style - My friend Ed Philly has his handmade site rolling again after a short hiatus. If you’re in the mood for some “Offensive Humor at it’s best”, be sure to pay him a visit. Ed wrote his site from scratch using HTML - WOW…what a rare thing these days!

At Goes To Salem: Emila’s beautiful artwork of a cat named At. She actually gave it to someone for free. Emila is a wonderful person and spectacular artist.

Expelled: Setu’s very weird tale. It defies categorization - falling between nightmare, hallucination and bizarre reality. If you enjoy cool short stories, this one is a must read.

Story Game - The Adventures of Marie Cambridge - Marie and Her Ex: Teeni’s multi-authored short story with a sarcastic and wicked ending. I really enjoyed it.

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream For Ice Creme: also from Teeni. She shows you how to make ice-creme without using milk. She says it came out quite delicious. It must be good because all women know good ice-creme when they get it (especially chocolate)…hehe.

Our Love Story: Marzie’s heartwarming story of true love. She and her husband prove that it is possible to find the right person and live happily ever after. It is this kind of story that gives hope to those of us who haven’t…yet (like me)!

“Save” yourself first!: Yasmine’s must read article about religious hypocrisy and how all of us can rise above it. Very thought provoking.

The Most Compelling Blockbuster: Sean Rasmussen’s inspiring article that all of us should read…it’s fantastic. While you’re there, be sure to download his free e-book, Mindset Mastery. He put a lot of work into it and it is well worth reading.

Lies At the Top: American, Iraqi & Afghan Casualties Not Counted: Euroyank reveals some extremely disturbing truths in how casualties are actually counted in the current war. You must read this.

5 Tips to optimize your site for Search Engines: Madhur Kapoor presents 5 basic tips to help you optimize your site.

How to repair MySQL Tables: Also from Madhur. I found this gem looking through his archives. A solid, step by step guide for repairing your wordpress MySQL tables.

How to extract names and email addresses from your WP database: Andy Bailey’s very useful article about how to derive names and email addresses from your Wordpress database. It’s complete in detail and easy to understand.

Why don’t they understand?: Also from Andy. This features some hilarious problems he ran into repairing computers. While you’re there, enter his new contest.

Striking the Right Balance Between Family and Business: Todd Morris wrote this positive article about striking that right balance.

What’s Wrong With “The Secret”: Todd Morris pointed me to this article that I found interesting. It’s about the movie “The Secret”. Check it out.

The Secret - Exposing The Truth and How it was Conceived: This is an article I wrote (that’s right, I’m promoting myself) about “The Secret”. Don’t get me wrong, there is some useful information in the movie. It was however, designed to make millions for the author - never forget that.

Computer Humor: My new friend Dunn compiled some very funny computer humor in this post. Go get yourself some comic relief.

*The witch is Pamela Kempthorne.

*The polygraph picture is from Polygraph Training.

* I love both of these pictures.

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April 6, 2008 · Filed Under Bobby's Batch, social networking

Comments

64 Responses to “Bobby’s Batch #12 - My Date With a Deceptive Lying Witch”

  1. teeni on April 6th, 2008 8:59 pm

    Wow - it’s more than flattering to have one link here, but ohmigosh - two? You are too kind, Bobby! Thanks so much for the links to my site and for the ones of the new bloggers I am checking out! :)
    teeni’s last blog post..Message in a Bottle

  2. teeni on April 6th, 2008 9:00 pm

    I forgot to mention, I don’t understand how that could happen to you twice with the dates! That is just incredible. I wonder what kind of vibes are you putting out to be attracting these crazies!

    teeni’s last blog post..Message in a Bottle

  3. Dunn on April 6th, 2008 10:52 pm

    Hi Bobby! You should be thankful that you found out everything before you gone too far. :wink: Thank you for the link to my site. Cheers.. dunn,

    Dunn’s last blog post..Smoke Prank

  4. Ed Philly on April 6th, 2008 10:56 pm

    Hey Bobby,

    good luck with those women…they’re all crazy (just kidding ladies!).

    Thanks for the linkage love, and the kind words. I’m actually working on an article about how I’m at a disadvantage against other blogs, since I do html, as opposed to going through wordpress, or blogger. Sometimes it seems like things that are so easy for others, are a real pain in the ass for me!

    I’m still coming by here 2-3 times a day, so keep those fingers typing. This is one of my first stops everyday, so don’t plan on taking any days off in the near future…I will notice!

  5. Haney on April 7th, 2008 12:54 am

    Ahahaha!!! That was hilarious! You should write on ways to escape from a bad date.

    Haney’s last blog post..How Has CSI Affect The Police Force

  6. Paula on April 7th, 2008 1:34 am

    Criminy!!! Is this for real Bobby? I’m scared for you! :-)
    It makes my worst date ever (shopping cart guy — remind me to tell you the story one day) look like a spectacular date! HAHAHAHAHA!

    Paula’s last blog post..Dear Lisa

  7. Billy on April 7th, 2008 2:17 am

    Ha that is just wrong. There are alot of crazies out there.

    Billy’s last blog post..Adjustable Campfire Grill

  8. Andy Bailey on April 7th, 2008 3:13 am

    OMG what a nightmare scenario! I’ve had to do a ‘runner’ once before too :-)
    Andy Bailey’s last blog post..Another Rollover Contest - get in quick!

  9. Acoustic tabs on April 7th, 2008 6:00 am

    Man, is this real cause I think you are quite unlucky! I have never gone through such things! What a story!

    Acoustic tabs’s last blog post..I have been rated E for excellence

  10. Revellian on April 7th, 2008 8:50 am

    You’ve been writing some great posts Teeni and I really love reading them. You have a bright and sunny personality that seems to shine through even when you complain! :mrgreen:

  11. Revellian on April 7th, 2008 8:58 am

    Hahaha…the first time (the previous date I mentioned was similar), I went to pick my date up. Her husband, who she was divorcing was there picking up her son. Her live in boyfriend was there too. She told him, “I’m going out with Bobby to see if I like him more than you.”

    I had a date one time where the girl told me I was the fifth date she had that week. She also said I was the second date she had that very day…it was Wednesday!!!!! How is that possible? I date ONE girl at a time - not ten. Also, I don’t want to be one of dozens she is dating. With “open” relationships being such a huge fad, it’s difficult to find one normal girl. :mrgreen:

  12. Revellian on April 7th, 2008 9:00 am

    Hi Dunn! I am extremely thankful! I will not hesitate to end an unhealthy relationship - something I once could not do. You’re welcome for the link :smile:

  13. mighty morgan on April 7th, 2008 9:18 am

    Booby my goodness maybe you should take a break from dating for a while….lol. All I know that for me i found out that all the “losers” i dated in the past were simply because of me…I ATTRACTED them…sought them out. When i stopped looking outside myself and made the decision to look within. I found that I could be happy and free without another…then of course the moment I stopped looking my path crossed that of the man I adore.
    Your a good man Bobby and you deserve the loving relationship that your heart cries out for
    . It will come in time….but first some kinks just have to be worked out. In the meantime…STAY away from female bank tellers ….lol
    lots of love from me to you as always….mighty

    mighty morgan’s last blog post..Sooner then Later…

  14. Eric "Speedcat Hollydale" on April 7th, 2008 10:23 am

    I know this was NOT funny at the time Bobby, but the way you tell the story (plus some great photos) make this one killer read.
    I was at a girls apartment once … someone that I had just met, when the phone rang. She said that I had to get out - “right away”. The phone call was here boyfriend coming home. Funny this was never mentioned before :???: Looks like you have some good links here. I’ll come back to them before I go.

    …. I wonder what the next gal will think of her lie detector test? (laughing) I think you have a great lady in store soon, just by mathmatical odds.

    Eric “Speedcat Hollydale”’s last blog post..Longing for Home

  15. Madhur Kapoor on April 7th, 2008 12:26 pm

    Thanks for the link love Bobby. You just made my day. I hope you find a nice date soon.

    Madhur Kapoor’s last blog post..Windows 7 to be more human friendly

  16. Revellian on April 7th, 2008 4:14 pm

    You’re more than welcome Ed! I need all the help I can get with those crazy women…lol. That sounds like a cool article, I look forward to reading it. I’m not going anywhere, although it’s tough for me to get out 3 articles per week. If I had time, I’d write more. Thanks for being a faithful reader, it means a lot to me :mrgreen:

  17. Revellian on April 7th, 2008 4:16 pm

    Thanks Haney, I am happy that my nightmarish date made you laugh…hehehe :mrgreen: That sounds like a great idea for a future post - I just might do it! :smile:

  18. Revellian on April 7th, 2008 4:21 pm

    Hahaha…YES Paula, it is absolutely true. I wish it weren’t though. Maybe it’s where I live. Mississippi is know for it’s rednecks; however, where I live on the coast, the people are more city oriented and have very little southern accent. Go north from my home town…around 100 miles, and guys are married to their sisters and speak with a twangy dialect. Go ahead…LAUGH IT UP :mrgreen:

  19. Revellian on April 7th, 2008 4:23 pm

    Wrong? That woman thought it was completely normal! I am against “open” relationships :shock:

  20. Revellian on April 7th, 2008 4:25 pm

    Andy, I have had much worse dates than this one. :shock: Some are so bad, I must keep them to myself a most people would probably not believe it anyway. :smile:

  21. Revellian on April 7th, 2008 4:27 pm

    Well, I used to live a very haphazard lifestyle which is now catching up with me. If I could start over, I would have been a stay at home nerd :smile:

  22. Revellian on April 7th, 2008 4:31 pm

    Morgan, I will take your advice. I do trust you and know that I haven’t really tried that approach. I’ve always thought that if I didn’t try, nothing would happen. All in all, I don’t ask very many women out…I’m afraid to now! :shock: Oh yeah…if I meet another bank teller, I will check into the nut house…haha :mrgreen:

  23. Revellian on April 7th, 2008 4:35 pm

    Actually Eric, I did find it funny at the time…haha! Oh man, you should see my new lie detector…it’s awesome!!!!! Don’t eat too much chicken this week! :mrgreen:

  24. Revellian on April 7th, 2008 4:37 pm

    You’re welcome Madhur, you really deserve it! Hey, I’ll take a toothless, cycloptic goth if she’s really sweet and friendly…hahaha :mrgreen:

  25. margolawson on April 7th, 2008 5:09 pm

    Morgan’s comment on your experiences reminds me of something I heard. . .somewhere. . . .
    “We attract either what we love most or fear most.”
    My sincere question to all in the single boat is: How do we learn to make what WE LOVE the stronger force so that it tips the scales and gets rid of contact with that which we fear?

  26. Zubli Zainordin on April 7th, 2008 7:59 pm

    Dear Bobby Revellian, what a wonderful moment in starting a Tuesday…reading your superb post. As always, you are so good a writer, I am touched by the content of this post. Especially the title, yes, in 2006 and what shall be a documented history in my total life, filed under *Love and Romance*, I would have preferred dating one, a lying witch, yes, she can choose lying, standing or sitting. Hahahahahaha. Especially, we can do magic on each other! Hahahahaha. Zapping each other all we want. A moment ago, responding to her Our Love Story post, I told Marzie, I rest, now. LOL!!! Unless, upmore…

    Zubli Zainordin’s last blog post..! Bokjae

  27. Mark on April 7th, 2008 9:14 pm

    Gotta say that picture of the witch is really scary bro! Love your posts. Great writing. I think we may be dating the same women. lol. Seems like everyone I’ve been dating has issues. And I’m not about to play doctor or shrink. I once dated a woman that took better care of her dog then herself. I think the dog bathed more then her. Thanks for the post.

  28. gypsy on April 7th, 2008 9:40 pm

    Oh My! That was quite an experience. Good thing you ran away as soon as you could. WOW!

    gypsy’s last blog post..Monday Mood

  29. Diana13 on April 8th, 2008 2:22 am

    :lol: I must admit that I like your dating stories, but just as stories. You can write a book about strange datings :lol: I wonder, if you’ll find a normal woman (btw, is anybody of us normal?) , how long will it take to believe that she’s normal :razz:
    Diana13’s last blog post..Your March Earnings From Our Blogging

  30. Janice on April 8th, 2008 3:20 am

    Bobby, what a smart excuse for the escape… …. ;)
    Janice’s last blog post..Amos & his Famous Amos

  31. Sean Rasmussen on April 8th, 2008 6:37 am

    Have you ever considered that the guy might have been her brother? (you mentioned Mississippi) :mrgreen: You know what they say: Never trust a smiling “Teller”
    Thanks for the kind mention of my eBook

    Sean Rasmussen’s last blog post..Control Dramas and Pain Addictions

  32. Amina on April 8th, 2008 8:36 am

    hey
    I’ve just discovered your blog and really love it, especially your last post…I am a woman but must say you are so right about things you wrote…yet not all are same so keep trying :p

    regards from Poland
    amina

    Amina’s last blog post..Road to Nowhere

  33. Daisy on April 8th, 2008 2:13 pm

    OMG! I feel like I have to apologise on behalf of all normal women. We do exist.
    How come a guy like you attracts these creepy women?

  34. Glen Hughes on April 8th, 2008 3:22 pm

    Man that is some crazy luck you have with your dates. I though I was alone with the psychos that want you to date them and have a boyfriend. Good luck.

    Glen Hughes’s last blog post..Gulu Haiku

  35. Anastasia on April 8th, 2008 9:56 pm

    I can’t avoid the bank teller link (maybe I’m being weird considering my own corporate crap these last few months). Maybe they’re bored with their jobs and looking for some adventure (in a stupid way I may add, because if their boyfriends were psycho that could put you in danger).

    What is hard about these situations is that they do take their toll. They can make you think ‘what is wrong with me?!’ When really, it’s a case of them being more screwed up and deceptive, and some people have made deception a fine art making it difficult for people to detect the narcissistic side. Dating is no longer a simple area to navigate, and it can turn a person into a misanthrope some days, because deception can be ridiculous, offensive and frustrating. I don’t know what to suggest, but one thing is first, don’t allow others to set you up with people, and no more bank tellers.

    Anastasia’s last blog post..Cell

  36. Mark on April 9th, 2008 12:08 am

    Bobby, buddy, you lead quite an interesting life. I’m sorry to hear of the difficulties you’ve gone through with dating. It has the makings of a box office seller though in case you ever wanted to take a break from your blog and sell the idea to Hollywood.

    But truthfully, hang in there. There’s someone out there looking for the same thing you are in a person. :wink:
    Mark’s last blog post..Was This Man Arrested For A Thought Crime?

  37. Stefanie on April 9th, 2008 9:01 am

    Oh my goodness…just wow. I’ve dated some weirdos, but nothing like that. I kept reading along, thinking to myself, “How bad could this story really be…?” and then you get to the part about the boyfriend and kid. I guess I could kind of understand not mentioning a kid on the very first date, but how do you forget to mention a boyfriend??

    I really hope you have better luck next time around!

  38. Jason Rogers on April 9th, 2008 1:16 pm

    Jese thats pretty bad luck. I take it you wont be looking for dates at any banks anymore.

    Jason Rogers’s last blog post..Another couple cool sites

  39. Rolando on April 9th, 2008 10:38 pm

    Holy crap man! You should have trusted in instincts. I would have left right after meeting her boyfriend :shock: That’s just crazy. What a freak! What’s her number? lol j/k.

    Rolando’s last blog post..12 Month Tag

  40. Revellian on April 10th, 2008 12:48 am

    Hi Margo! Thanks so much for being such a great commentator. I don’t believe that I attract the wrong type of women, I think that I just haven’t met the right one yet. I used to blame myself, but I went into all my relationships with honest intent. While I have met some crazy women, I do not believe all women are like that. I will meet someone right for me. If anything, my bad experiences have made me stronger and more independent, all of which will make my relationships in the future much better :smile:

  41. Revellian on April 10th, 2008 12:52 am

    Thanks Zubli!! No matter what happens, I will be honest with whoever I meet and have faith that my luck will change for the better! I will come read your post :mrgreen:

  42. Revellian on April 10th, 2008 12:59 am

    Thanks Mark! No matter, I still love women and couldn’t live without them. Unfortunately, most the women I really like are married - their husbands are so lucky. I’ll find one before long :smile:

  43. Revellian on April 10th, 2008 1:01 am

    Hi Gypsy! Like they say, whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…hehe :mrgreen:

  44. Revellian on April 10th, 2008 1:03 am

    I’m not looking for “normal”, I’m looking for honesty and integrity. Is that too much to ask for? Thanks Diana :smile:

  45. Revellian on April 10th, 2008 1:05 am

    Got any single cousins Janice? Hahahahaha :mrgreen:

  46. Revellian on April 10th, 2008 1:07 am

    Hahaha…thanks for the Redneck humor Sean! Actually, she was originally from Cleveland and her boyfriend was from Canada :shock:

  47. Revellian on April 10th, 2008 1:16 am

    Thanks Amina, I know that I just met a few bad apples. It’s nice to meet you and I will check your site out too :smile:

  48. Revellian on April 10th, 2008 1:36 am

    Hi Daisy, I don’t believe I attracted a certain type of woman, I just happened to meet the wrong ones. I have had some good relationships too :smile:

  49. Revellian on April 10th, 2008 1:37 am

    Hi Glen, you are not alone…haha :mrgreen:

  50. Revellian on April 10th, 2008 1:42 am

    Hi Ana! I know many people who give up after being used and deceived. Actually, I know a girl who will not date any guys because she has been cheated on and lied too so many times. The truth is, if any of us want a great relationship, we must be willing to take the risk. I have gotten over all that has happened to me and am willing to go through anything in my quest for real love. When I find it, it will be well worth the risk :smile:

  51. Revellian on April 10th, 2008 1:45 am

    Thanks Mark! YES…I will write a screenplay. It will be called “The Chronicles of Bobby”. I must meet my future wife before I sell it :mrgreen:

  52. Revellian on April 10th, 2008 1:50 am

    She apparently didn’t think to mention her kid. She wasn’t hiding it, she just forgot to tell me. I’ll take a woman with 17 kids if she’s honest and really loves me :mrgreen:

  53. Revellian on April 10th, 2008 1:52 am

    Hi Rolando! I did…I was there only a minute or two after meeting him. It just took me off guard a little. I will e-mail her number to you…hahaha :shock:

  54. Zubli Zainordin on April 10th, 2008 1:56 am

    Yes, truly you are right. A good man shall always earn the heart of a good woman. Total Success to you Bobby Revellian.

    Zubli Zainordin’s last blog post..Minister Meets Bloggers

  55. Genie Princess on April 10th, 2008 1:57 am

    Hey, I happen to like Jerry Springer he he…not surprising since I love all those goss mags as well lol… What is up with all ur dates Bobby? They get more bizarre each time yeah? Oh and thanks so much for the linky love! I’m always happy when one of my posts get featured here, you’re da best Bobby Wobby! Hugs… :)
    Genie Princess’s last blog post..Angry Kitty!

  56. Revellian on April 10th, 2008 2:09 am

    I hope and pray you are right Zubli! God bless you Zubli :razz:

  57. Revellian on April 10th, 2008 2:13 am

    You do not watch Jerry Springer!!!! Hahaha…tell him to stop sending women to me! Your post really affected me Marzie, it was beautiful and very meaningful. It’s one of your best :smile:

  58. emila yusof on April 10th, 2008 8:26 am

    Hi Bobby! Sorry I haven’t visited…been busy with the book fair and all.

    I really hope that you will soon meet someone who is stable! You’ve been through enough dating with the unstable ones.

    Thank you for the link love, dear! Love ya!

    emila yusof’s last blog post..Save - IF

  59. menopauseprincess on April 10th, 2008 9:41 pm

    Really Bobby? I do not get it at all, you’re sure this isn’t one of your scary stories? :shock:
    menopauseprincess’s last blog post..Training For Goodbye…Tobi Knight

  60. Revellian on April 11th, 2008 1:36 am

    No worries Emila! I just wanted people to see your kitty picture! Thanks so much, I will find that special girl before long :smile:

  61. Revellian on April 11th, 2008 1:39 am

    Haha…it’s a true story! One of the reasons I write crazy fiction is because of the many real and very bizarre things that have happened in my life. Often times, the real things are stranger than the fiction, but I wouldn’t change a thing I’ve done in my life. :smile:

  62. Revellian on April 11th, 2008 2:35 am

    but I want one who works with and or near money…haha! :mrgreen:

  63. FeelingFlirty on June 10th, 2008 3:08 pm

    When I first started reading this post I thought to myself, “nobody could be THAT unlucky”, until I read the comment about your last date, her husband and her live-in boyfriend. I think you win the “Jerk Magnet” award for 2008.

    It IS possible to find normal women, I promise. I used to be normal, and then I got married but it was ages and ages ago. :)
    FeelingFlirtys last blog post..125 Scientists need 16,500 condoms?

  64. Revellian on June 10th, 2008 11:44 pm

    Thanks so much for your positive spin! Sometimes I wonder…maybe I am just not normal…hahha! :mrgreen:

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