The Twitter Conspiracy

Is it really possible to make money with Twitter? Does it really benefit your site? I think there’s a Twitter conspiracy going on behind the scenes. With government and military conspiracy theories going on all across the world, we are used to them. There’s the theory that the American government is ran by a secret group of individuals known as the Illuminati (the deepest inner core of the Freemasons). It is believed by some that all forms of mass media entertainment is a type of mass brainwashing to create brain dead citizens while the evil government enslaves it’s own citizens in a bloodthirsty quest for power and world domination. Maybe it’s not true and our votes really do count - now that’s a theory!

Twitter’s Purpose

I’ve been using Twitter for a while. The entire time, I’ve been looking for a reason why. I kept thinking I had missed something and wasn’t getting all the benefits from it. This leads to the real question: why was it created and what is it’s real purpose?

  • It was created by mind control experts, using similar techniques of mass hypnosis designed by Hitler and Stalin.
  • It keep the masses of personal bloggers busy wasting time.
  • The money and seo bloggers know the maddening hordes of personal bloggers will never really earn them money (except for the seo books purchased which they don’t understand). Generally, it is search engine traffic that brings the cash, not Big Bucks Blogspotter Billy’s visits (wow, that is a great tongue twister).
  • The evil programmers behind the curtain know this, and they designed Twitter to keep people running in circles asking, “I’m following 300 people, how many are you following? How many followers do you have?”
  • While the seo masters rake in the cash, the sheep chase each other’s tails trying to keep up with everything 2000 people are doing - people they don’t even know.

The big money sites and seo experts love personal bloggers. It assures their success and guarantees a massive chunk of the Internet is automatically no threat to their ability to earn money. They don’t want everyone knowing the truth. They don’t want you critically thinking. They want you Twittering. While you read a blow by blow account of Billy Blogger’s hourly updates, the greed infested “experts” laugh hysterically - seven miles beneath the Earth’s crust in a secret back room - drinking champagne with all the world bankers.

Billy Blogger’s Story

He has spent $5000.00 on blog marketing books and seo training but has only earned $30.00 in three years. Google smartpriced his adsense so he will never reach the $100.00 threshold and get his first adsense check. Billy Blogger has reached the final, dreaded phase of twittering: he has become a twit. To understand the hidden nature of Twitter, you must know what twit means.

Twit - 1: An act of twitting: TAUNT  2: a silly annoying person: FOOL

As a verb, it means to make fun of. As a noun, it means to mock. It is the root of the word twitter, which means to talk in a chattering fashion (as a fool while being mocked by the elite).  Can’t you see the hidden conspiracy? It’s time for us to wake up. Soon, the government will be implanting RFID Twitter tracking modules beneath our skin so we can twitter in a mesmerized, catatonic stupor of thoughtlessness.

While Billy Blogger still thinks he’ll make millions, he twitters insanely every 5 minutes:

  • Billy’s Twitterings:
  1. I am drying off after my shower
  2. I am shellacking my armpits with antiperspirant
  3. I just got dressed
  4. oh no, I have to take a dump, now I’ll have to take another shower, I’m out of toilet paper
  5. I just bought the BlogMastermind course, I’ll be making millions soon

Google buries Billy’s Internet profile in a special file named: CASE CLOSED :mrgreen:

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June 28, 2008 · Filed Under Humor

Comments

42 Responses to “The Twitter Conspiracy”

  1. Rajeev Edmonds on June 28th, 2008 11:22 pm

    Very interesting indeed !

    I have seen a large number of Twitter users who sign up and wonder what to do with it. The problem is this that each one of us interpret things differently and our application changes accordingly. Our main concern is ROI, when we talk of ‘Social Media Marketing’. Maki from Dosh Dosh talks about it, and explains the theory of doshdosh.com/social-media-networking-and-roi

    Twitter has immense power to build your e-brand and promote your business, only the application matters. For example, my purpose of using Twitter was to give more exposure to my blog. Today about 35% of my traffic comes from Twitter, which cannot be ignored. I get useful tips from fellow bloggers and some really interesting articles. I reached your blog via Twitter.

    Rajeev Edmondss last blog post..How To Backup Your Entire Blogger Blog

  2. Revellian on June 28th, 2008 11:30 pm

    Hi Rajeev, are you saying my theory is incorrect? Haha…of course this post is just meant to be humorous. I haven’t really learned to get the most from twitter, so I’ll check out Maki’s article and learn something new.

    You came here via twitter? That’s awesome…maybe my theory is wrong :mrgreen:

  3. Debbie Dolphin on June 28th, 2008 11:50 pm

    Our Votes really do count? Don’t tell Diebold! ;)
    The Twitter Theory of To Twit or Not To Twit that is the Bloggers’ question…

    P.S. My Beacon is broadcasting my award to you for excellence in Blogging. Please sail into my harbor for the Award Ceremony!

    Debbie Dolphins last blog post..Arte y Pico Award Ceremony at Faulkner’s Island Lighthouse

  4. Rajeev Edmonds on June 28th, 2008 11:58 pm

    Hi Bobby,

    I am not saying that your theory is wrong. I just said that each one of us interpret things in our own way.

    Someone tweeted your blog post and I followed it and landed on your blog. Now see we both are networked here, on facebook and on Twitter.

    One more interesting Stats, I have. My mintblogger blog was started on Jan 29, 2008. In first 2 months I has about 21 subscriptions to feed. After using Twitter, my subscription count have swelled to around 110, in just 4 months. I think it’s a good progress.

  5. Rajeev Edmonds on June 29th, 2008 12:16 am

    Just subscribed to your feed :smile:

  6. Bobo on June 29th, 2008 12:20 am

    Haha I’ve seen those “5-min” updates too. They are horrid! mmm I seem to have abandoned my twitter.. :P *twit-no-more*

    Bobos last blog post..7 Continents Tag

  7. Revellian on June 29th, 2008 12:23 am

    I’m really glad I wrote this post because it hs caused me to learn some new things about Twitter. I will admit it is a fun site to use and it takes hardly any time at all. I tried to checkout twitterfeed.com but they must have a server overload right now. Twitter spy is wild, it’s like a twitter stock ticker…endless tweets all day long. It’s good to meet you by the way :smile:

  8. Revellian on June 29th, 2008 12:24 am

    Thanks Rajeev, That’s the way to network! :mrgreen:

  9. Revellian on June 29th, 2008 12:26 am

    Hi Bobo, I meant for this post to be a joke, it is totally not serious. You should use it to promote your blog :smile:

  10. Revellian on June 29th, 2008 1:15 am

    I will start a new social site called “Shitter” where people shit. When you post a sheet, it is known as “Shittering”…hahahaha :mrgreen: I’m on my way to your site Miss Money :???:

  11. Shawie on June 29th, 2008 1:24 am

    hahaha! that was funny!

  12. Revellian on June 29th, 2008 2:11 am

    Thanks Shawie, I’m glad you like it! :mrgreen:

  13. Rajeev Edmonds on June 29th, 2008 2:12 am

    Dugged , Tweeted and Stumbled :smile:

  14. Debbie Dolphin on June 29th, 2008 10:50 am

    Hi Bobby,

    I can hear the elite socialites of your new social site singing, “Here a Sheet, There a Sheet, Everywhere a Sheet!” :D
    You have another award HERE at New England Lighthouse Trasures.

    Debbie Dolphins last blog post..Arte y Pico Award Ceremony at Faulkner’s Island Lighthouse

  15. nimrodjo on June 29th, 2008 1:57 pm

    Some theory you got there… :mrgreen: …anyway, I also don’t find twitter is a must for blogger…so, sometimes i just waste my valuable second to twit in twitter…have you heard about plurk yet? It is another useless but interesting site… :smile:

  16. Mitch on June 29th, 2008 8:18 pm

    Bobby, you rascal!
    That was hilarious … and ominous! Shadow governments, mind-control, oh my!
    The truth lurks, just out of reach, in the shadow that falls between an idea and reality.
    (”Toilets” is an anagram for T. S. Eliot, who knows a thing or two about shadows!)

    Keep ‘em honest, dude!

    Cheers,

    Mitch

    Mitchs last blog post..Funky Fairy Tale - Fame And Fortune In Fifty Words!

  17. Genie Princess on June 29th, 2008 11:09 pm

    Good morning Bobby! I signed up for Twitter, but until today I have no idea how it works, so I don’t use it! :)
    Genie Princesss last blog post..Ticket to EURO!

  18. Sandman on June 30th, 2008 5:41 am

    Hahahah! Good post… Made me laugh a lot. Have digged/dugg this post :-) Love the comment about the shitter and the shittering. lolzzz!

    Sandmans last blog post..Chp 184. Like a thief in the night…

  19. Judy Online on June 30th, 2008 5:50 am

    I’m a complete newbie, and still trying to work out this blogging thing … Twitter is going to have to wait for a while I think. But it was a very funny post.

    Judy Onlines last blog post..Adding Some Photographs

  20. Robin on June 30th, 2008 7:29 am

    Hi Bobby,
    I know some people who belong to 30 or more social networking sites. Who has time for all that crap? I wasn’t sure what Twitter was until this post. I think I will steer clear of it. Oh, and you were right about recommending Stumble Upon. I really love it. I’ve found some really awesome blogs. Take care.
    Robin

    Robins last blog post..Sharing a Belly Dance Pic

  21. Cici on June 30th, 2008 7:55 am

    I was about to figure out what Twitter is until I came to your post…about the conspiracy? I read Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons by Dan Brown and from there got some ideas about the Illuminati too and conspiracy thingies too. You are exploring Twitter conspiracy now and presenting us the funny Billy-Blogger-looking-for-millions story hahaha. lmao ! Alright, I will not sign up for Twitter without critical thinking indeed. Keep up ya great works !!

    Cicis last blog post..#100 nominator Billionaire Boys Club (BBC) T-shirts

  22. Mark on June 30th, 2008 8:11 am

    Hi Bobby,

    You are very right, even though its really funny. It all part of the social media revolution. If done right, its a great way to network and get viral.

    Marks last blog post..Price Point Strategy

  23. DaveS on June 30th, 2008 9:56 am

    ROFL!

    I think perhaps you may have left out a few steps in your conspiracy…

    -SEO Experts (used loosely) take control of the entire social network inudating it with mindless drivel.

    -Billy Blogger loses track of which tail he is chasing opting to chase his own instead because he “thinks” he remembers where it is.

    -Google makes new rules declaring all social networks and networking “evil”.

    -SEO Experts (again used loosely) move on to the next medium they can exploit.

    -The end of social networking as we know it.

    -Twitter implodes.

    -In a successful coup, Google takes over the government with their mighty minions chanting “Do No Evil” all they way to the bank.

    -Billy Blogger, Betty Blogger, Barney Blogger, and Beatrice Blogger are still seen racing in circles chasing their own tails certain that once they get there they’ll find their millions.

    :mrgreen:
    BTW… Let me know when “Shitter” is in beta. I think I may be able to “contribute”

    DaveSs last blog post..Nothingness

  24. DaveS on June 30th, 2008 10:05 am

    oops…

    Did forget to mention, the “twits” or “twitterers” (is that a word?) might want to check out twello.com

    Still in Alpha

    DaveSs last blog post..Nothingness

  25. Revellian on June 30th, 2008 11:49 am

    Thanks Rajeev! :smile:

  26. Revellian on June 30th, 2008 11:51 am

    Thanks for the award Debbie! Don’t forget to change your sheets :mrgreen:

  27. Revellian on June 30th, 2008 11:54 am

    Hi Aryst, It doesn’t hurt to automate your blog posts to tweet after publishing. With the unbelievable amount of people using twitter, it does generate some traffic. I joined plurk but it needs more development to be web 2.0 friendly :smile:

  28. Revellian on June 30th, 2008 12:02 pm

    Thanks Mitch! Though this post is obviously ridiculous and not serious, there is a bit of truth in every theory…especially this one :mrgreen:

  29. Revellian on June 30th, 2008 12:05 pm

    Hi Marzie, it can be fun sometimes, but shouldn’t be used too much. I am amazed at how many people are addicted to it :smile:

  30. Revellian on June 30th, 2008 12:07 pm

    Thanks for the Digg Sandman! I think the best way to handle twitter and the bookmarking sites is to use automation scripts so it doesn’t take up any time :mrgreen:

  31. Revellian on June 30th, 2008 12:09 pm

    Hi Judy, if you are a complete newbie, I would concentrate on meeting lots of other bloggers, read and leave comments on lots of blogs - and of course write the best content you can :smile:

  32. Revellian on June 30th, 2008 12:14 pm

    Hi Robin, stumbleupon is my favorite and the main one I use. As far as bookmarking sites like delicious and magnolia, I I use a site called onlywire where I can submit to every bookmarking site with one click. I am a member of nearly every social network but don’t spend any time actually using them :smile:

  33. Revellian on June 30th, 2008 12:20 pm

    Hi Cici, I sure know a lot of Billy Blogger clones! They should learn black hat hacking instead :mrgreen:

  34. Revellian on June 30th, 2008 12:23 pm

    Well Mark, the explosion of web 2.0 technology (if you want to call it that) is unbelievable. The interconnectedness of everyone will soon become something people take for granted….just like everything else :smile:

  35. Revellian on July 1st, 2008 3:46 am

    Nice additions Dave! Before too long, th entire world wide web will be a singular database controlled by the government and huge corporations…the price for use will skyrocket :shock:

  36. Michelle Gartner on July 1st, 2008 2:10 pm

    I still find twitter rather droll- but I use it to update my blog. Other then that- the only time I give a twit about it is when it gets written up by a blogger. i am not sure what allthe fuss is… I do like the ” I am shellacking my armpits with antiperspirant… ” witter, because I imagine there is some foll so hooked on Twitter that he is tweeting while he’s in the john. :shock:
    Michelle Gartners last blog post..Vintage 80’s Music at this Year’s Star Wars Dance Off

  37. Revellian on July 1st, 2008 3:19 pm

    The only time I get visitors from twitter is when I write a weird tweer. People come to see what is wrong with me. From a marketing standpoint, why not tweet your articles? There are millions using it so someone may see it. Other than that, it’s a time waster :smile:

  38. Michelle Gartner on July 1st, 2008 3:27 pm

    That’s what I get for commenting with kids on my lap- of course I had to boot them off my lap when I saw your horror picture. :shock:
    Michelle Gartners last blog post..Vintage 80’s Music at this Year’s Star Wars Dance Off

  39. Sueblimely on July 1st, 2008 5:08 pm

    I have not used Twitter for a while, because I can waste so much time there and have tried to restrict myself. Consequently I did not see the twitter gossip about this post. Look what happens when I don’t use Twitter, I end up being way down the comment queue, feeling life on the twitter super highway is passing me by :-)
    Sueblimelys last blog post..Weekend WWW Wanderings

  40. Revellian on July 1st, 2008 6:50 pm

    Haha! Sorry about that, I sometimes think I should use the ‘more’ function in my editor. I know it’s good for seo and reducing the page size, but it bothers me. Maybe I’m just insane :smile:
    Oh yeah…the dead body isn’t real :shock:

  41. Revellian on July 1st, 2008 6:53 pm

    The one thing twitter is good for is the fact that it’s easy to extract e-mail addresses from millions of members using a simple script…if one were so inclined :mrgreen:

  42. Mimi Lenox on August 24th, 2008 12:12 pm

    Interesting. I’ve felt the same way about the wasting time aspect of Twitter. Not sure the best way to use it for my blog’s advantage. You can post your blog posts there? Is that what you said?

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