I’ve been through some sticky situations in my life and have made some serious errors in judgment. I was around 22 years old and partying like a fool when a friend and I decided to grow marijuana. My friend’s name is Roy, but I will not reveal his last name as he probably wants no association with this article. All I can say is we were like dumb and dumber, though we had a lot of fun – what I can remember of it.

Our first attempt to grow pot went great. We read all the best books, which we ordered from the pinnacle of intelligence, High Times Magazine. I became a guerrilla farming expert in about a month. I could identify a magnesium deficiency at a glance and was an expert on parasites. I even mixed up my own natural bug repellent to spray on the plants so our product contained no insecticides. From that experience, I gained the knowledge to grow any plant, from vegetable to trees. I have a strong background in chemistry, so that knowledge came in handy for testing soil and so forth.

We grew 100 plants in a friend’s shed using fluorescent lights. It looked like a blossoming indoor jungle of wondrous evergreen. The plants had just begun to flower (we switched from 24 hours of light down to 12 hours, which causes the plants to produce buds) when they were stolen by someone. We were heartbroken as our hopes for heaps of illegally earned cash went down the toilet.

The Guerrilla Farm

We were fans of positive thinking and didn’t let our loss get us down. Like champions of the underworld, we regrouped and decided to grow a gigantic field of weed – possibly the dumbest idea I’ve ever had. When you’re smoking like a chimney, your brain doesn’t work right.

We limed a field out in the woods to get the soil to a neutral Ph as preparation in the winter. When spring came, we started our crop. We had over 100 large plants – roughly half were cannabis sativa and half cannabis indica – all female sensimilla. We smoked lots of pot during our illegal escapades to get our heads right. We were two punks into conquering our dreams while really high – not a good mix.

In August of an undisclosed year, in an undisclosed location, our plants were gargantuan. Some sativas were over six feet tall, while the indicas were short and robust. We thought we were smart this second round of growing. Nobody knew what we were up to because of what happened during our first attempt – we didn’t trust anyone. The plants were mixed in with other local vegetation to disguise them and were not in rows. If you didn’t know exactly what a marijuana plant looked like, you would have never seen them.

The mistake we made was not having the field deeply in the woods. My friend Roy usually drove and simply dropped me off on a country road – I would run into the brush with a backpack filled with plant food, natural insecticide and water. I am really skilled at identifying tracks (animal tracks, human footprints), and in four months, no one had been out there but me.

I estimated we would harvest around 100 lbs (45 kg) of sticky bud. We planned on selling it in small amounts to maximize profits. We could almost smell the cash, but mostly smelled a big joint.

Our Downfall

One afternoon, we stopped at a local grocery store to buy plant food. As we walked out, we noticed a local newspaper in the newsstand. It had the following headlines, “Pot Field Busted.” We stood there in a stoned daze, almost afraid to get a copy. It was our field that was busted. The report said they had no idea who was responsible, but the crop’s estimated street value was between 120,000 – 180,000 dollars!

As disappointed as we were at losing our crop and dreams of free money, we were happy to avoid a prison sentence. Both of us would have definitely received 5-8 year sentences. Neither of us ever tried to grow pot again. I eventually quit all drugs, drinking and cigarettes and am glad I did. No matter what you think, it’s a scientific fact that drinking alcohol is worse than smoking pot; however, it is illegal. Check out my post about the hypocrisy of alcohol versus drugs, it’s a fascinating subject.

It’s so amazing that both attempts to grow pot were foiled, but it taught me a lesson and kept me out of jail. To this very day, it’s hard to believe we didn’t get caught. We were on our way out there to nurture our plants! Thank God we saw that newspaper because they had an active road block where our field was located. I still hear the maddening metallic echoes of handcuffs snapping closed. I could care less if you think of me in a different light after writing this, I just had to share this with you.

  • The picture is from Wikipedia: Cannibis
  • I do not condone the use of alcohol or drugs – they are very bad for you
  • Don’t make the same mistake I made
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