The Negative Side of Positive Thinking
Has it ever crossed your mind that positive thinking has a negative side or that negative thinking has a positive side? Some people get so caught up in self help and being success oriented that they over do it. Sometimes, I just want to yell something negative at someone or say something incredibly pessimistic. I have a dark and sometimes twisted sense of humor, and too much positivity gets under my skin.
I read several different articles about positive thinking and success today. I don’t know if it was just pure luck, but all of them said something about getting rid of all negativity in your life. They said to rid yourself of all toxic and negative relationships and so forth. That’s all fine and good, but nobody has a purely positive life with no negative influence.
Nobody is Only Positive or Negative
I am a student of Zen as well as many other philosophies - from Friedrich Nietzsche to Lao Tzu and all in between. I’ve never met a single person who was all good or all bad. I’m sure that even Hitler had his good days and was a fun loving guy. I’m sure the pope has had wild sex fantasies as well as other secrets. I hear people say stuff like, “He is a good person.” Maybe so, but no one is pure as the driven snow.
Because of my background in Zen, I see things much differently than most people. One prevalent concept in Zen is that everything has an opposite. You can’t have good without evil, light without dark, yin without yang an so on. Every person reflects that truth inside them. As humans, we are balancing between absolute chaos or negativity, and absolute order or goodness. We can never be only one - we are somewhere in the middle of both.
The idea is that good is evil or evil is good, two sides of the same coin, forming one whole. It’s a ubiquitous duality inherent to the human condition and our perception of existence. When a person tries to only be positive 24-7, they are out of balance. The idea is not to rid oneself of all negativity and be a shimmering ray of positive brilliance; it is to embrace the concept that we are all both positive and negative.
In my article, Sadness - Severing Toxic Friendships, you will see I had to make many hard decisions in life. I said good riddance to my drug abusing friends; however, it does not mean I cannot be great friends with a negative, pessimistic asshole.
If everyone on Earth rejected every negative influence in their lives and only associated with healthy, beneficial, successful and positive people, there would be endless billions of rejects. There would be an area the size of New York containing the tiny handful of all the positive winners. The rest of the world (99.9%) would only have losers, degenerates, jerks and whiners.
If I personally followed all the positive advice I heard, I would say things like this to people, “I heard you say something sardonic earlier. Please get away from me - you are toxic and not conducive to my success and positivity.”
Or…”I’m sorry, I cannot be your friend. I heard you whine at work today. I will work with you, but that’s as far as it goes.”
People trying to be super positive don’t say things like that - they hide their feelings and only think it. In my opinion, that is being two-faced and deceptive. It’s much like a religious person looking down on others because they are not. They think things like, “After she dies, she will go to hell. I will go to heaven because I’m a Christian.”
Embrace Both Sides
Instead of thinking of myself as being good or bad, I see myself as balanced. I understand evil and goodness. In everyday life, I don’t reject someone because they are negative or always happy. I accept the way they are. If they grind on my nerves, I may not want to hang around them every day, but I don’t look down on them.
There’s always a time to be negative or positive. Sometimes, an extremely sarcastic comment can be hilarious. If I hear people being too positive, I’ll say something negative just to shake them up or kill the monotony (usually to be funny). If people are down, I’ll be positive. It’s all about balance and embracing all we are. We all need to express emotions. When I get mad, I release it - in a good way. Exercise, blogging or any art are great ways to get rid of anger and tension.
Years ago while working in sales, I had to go to lots of positive thinking seminars. After 3 hours of some guy talking about success and being positive, it makes a group of people mad! It’s irritating to hear too much of it. When you get all fired up about being positive, there is only one outcome: you will fall from that feeling and become the opposite. We can only take so much of anything. It’s like going on a diet. If you go on a diet, you will go off the diet. The same applies to your mood of perception of life. Instead of trying to be all positive or writhing in negativity, we should find balance in between. To be perfectly clear by comparison: don’t go on a diet, just adopt healthy eating habits. Don’t try to be overly anything, just adopt life’s natural balance. When dealing with negativity, you have to learn how to not take things personally. When you take everything personally, it is more harmful than just dealing with it without taking it personally. I hope this is clear enough to express my idea.
One of the greatest aspects of writing or blogging is being able to express emotions and get it out. I love to see a writer explode. If I tried to hide my feelings and contain everything, I would burst at the seams. I like to take chances in blogging. I used to have a complex that if I wrote something too riveting or hateful, that my readers would abandon me. I will never be too professional to be human.
Many of the more prominent bloggers give that advice - to not offend your readers or get too far out of what you normally write. I completely disagree! Let it out and have no fear. Write what you want and never let anyone dictate what you should or shouldn’t write.
Many people see life as being a glass half full (optimistic) or half empty (pessimistic). I see it completely differently. I see life as a glass always empty. If it gets anything in it, I have to pour it out through self expression. Whether it be writing, drawing, playing music or whatever, my glass must remain empty. This is a main difference between Zen philosophy and western philosophy. This article is an attempt to explain my views in layman terms. I hope you found it useful!
*Picture source: Wikipedia: Yin-Yang
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Great post that got me thinking. I like how you see the glass. I see it is being there to be drunk. Doesn’t matter if it is filled all the way up or not, you get what you get. So drink it and enjoy it! If you don’t like it, go find some lemons to make lemonade with.
Hahaha…you crack me up Teeni :mrgreen:! I just dropped my glass and shattered it all over the floor. I now see life as as an empty shattered glass!
I find it interesting that you describe evil as pure chaos, and good as pure order.
I think the finest illustration I have seen was in the player’s manual to Advanced Dungeons and Dragons, 2nd Edition. The ‘Alignment’ chart depicts character alignment on two axes. The good-neutral-evil axis ranges from total selflessness (good) to total evil (total selfishness). The lawful-neutral-chaotic axis ranges from total adherence to rules and laws (lawful) to total situational ethics (chaotic). Being a game, AD&D only admits of the three notches in each axis, and a character’s alignment is express in the notch on the two axis, as in ‘lawful evil’, ‘true neutral’, ‘good neutral’, or one of the other six possibilities on the game alignment chart.
I see this definition of good and evil, the choice of ‘it is most important that I choose to do what is best for most of my party’, or ‘I must choose to do what benefits me the most’. Order vs. chaos is certainly related. The horror of Hitler’s reign was not the chaos of his actions, but the ordered way he approached the influence of others on his own people (and his inhuman actions).
Just one thought, the game system doesn’t deride selfishness as the epitome of evil - evil is the disregard of impact of our actions on others. In the real world, no one is wholly good nor evil, but some balance.
When I say that evil is chaos and good is order, it is to be simplistic so that anyone can understand. It’s definitely not a rule and these ideas fall and mix into one another constantly.
Your comment is very interesting and I played some D&D as a teen. We all have dark thoughts, but most of us don’t act on them. When we don’t act, the thought is still there and has an effect in the form of stress and suppressed emotion. I learned to act, but in an acceptable way.
If someone tells a friend, “If you’re late…I will kill you,” it is obviously not that they are actually going to kill them - but there is a little truth in what they said.
When it comes to people like Hitler, he believed what he did was good, while most people thought he was evil. This is where philosophers use that word “relativism”, which I cannot stand.
One could say it’s all relative. Just because I see him as evil, it is just relative to my situation and personal morality. Life is a conundrum and I don’t believe in relativism…LOL.
Thanks for the comment Brad!
I agree with you on this one Bobby. I know that for me the aspects of myself that I “label” or “observe” as negative is often the fuel I find within me to continue to be more then I have been. I know I need the contrasts of Positive or negative, good or bad…whatever one wants to label them. It’s those very contrasts in life that allow me to move forward. If I was always in a state of pure Positive…i wouldn’t want to do anything…I think it’s unrealistic as well as BoRiNG
My pet peeve is emotionalism… also people who are emotionally unstable claiming to be mentally ill. The way society would have it today everyone is mentally ill…but that’s something entirely different then your post.
I tend to be a very positive person, but it does not manifest itself in cheering and chirping at people and kissing butts. I tend to just not dwell on negative things like small spilled milk scenarios, holding grudges, people who irritate me etc. It wastes time to dwell on negative things that matter little.
“It’s much like a religious person looking down on others because they are not. They think things like, “After she dies, she will go to hell. I will go to heaven because I’m a Christian.””
Hmm- Bobby I am ultra religious- and I think you are going to hell!!! Not really- actually I wonder where you get the idea that we (Christians ) in general think about how much others are going to hell… most of us don’t. It seems to be prevalent in the media now to slam Christians as judgmental whack nuts and they are not. From my side of the fence I have been judged more by those with liberal mindsets. Gee sorry I am don’t think the same way as you- but that doesn’t give people the right to bash me… eh. I guess that’s another pet peeve of mine- stereotyping Christians. I happen to know a lot of them personally and known of them strike me as being judgmental. Anyway- I am hardcore Lutheran and most- Lutherans I know are too busy looking for beer, to worry about what the heathens are doing… ;0)
@Morgan: Yes! It’s the contrast between and acceptance of the entire spectrum of thought that drives us. I cannot function without the balancing factor of negativity - it drives me forward. In many ways, it’s like fear. Fear is part of our survival instinct and plays a major role in life. I see all the bad and darkness as a powerful tool, and one that can be utilized for great things.
@Michelle: I think we are all “mentally ill” in some way or another, but I see it as simply part of our natural personalities. The medical establishment would sell everyone several unneeded prescriptions if they could. I’d say most people’s personality disorders are not a medical condition and don’t need medicine. That makes things harder for those who really do have problems.
I don’t get upset or mad about hardly anything (except 13 hour phone calls to my host). I use negativity and setbacks as fuel to accomplish or learn something new.
I’m not stereotyping all Christians, just some of them. I used to be an extremely devout Christian and know the bible very well. I was taught that I must accept Jesus as my Saviour to get into heaven. Everyone else will go to hell. Anyone who doesn’t believe that is not a Christian. Now, not all Christians go around thinking about that or trying to save others (even though all Christians are supposed to). A true Christian knows in their heart that the only way to heaven is to accept Jesus; therefore, if you don’t believe that, you are not a Christian. That’s a pet peeve of mine: people that selectively believe the parts of religion they like.
I am no longer Christian or religious. I believe in God, but not Jesus. Jesus is a mythological figure based on the Egyptian sun god Horus (my family no longer discusses religion with me, LOL). I hope this doesn’t offend you, but I must be totally honest with you. I think religions are great for many reasons, but most people only claim to be religious while they really aren’t. Will I go to hell? No. There is no such thing
As usual, awesome entry! I get really, really, really annoyed with the overly optimistic and perky people and tend to throw a sarcastic comment at them just to see how they would react. I love the fact that there are nice and optimistic people in the world. But, I have to say that I also enjoy observing and having encounters with overly pessimistic and sometimes stupid (yes, stupid is relative) people too. Balance, is definitely key. Have a ______ day Bobby! Hee hee!
Benjamin Franklin said something about pessimism. It was along the lines of expect the worst. Then, if it happens, you’re ready for it. If something better happens, you’re pleasantly surprised. That way, no disappointments!
@Gypsy: For me, sarcasm is humor. Sometimes, early in the morning, people say, “Good Morning…what a great day huh?” I say, “No…it sucks. You look awful by the way…haha!” To tell you the truth, I am a very goofy person who jokes all the time. I can really grate on someone’s nerves if they are overly joyful. Have a #^&$* day too Gypsy
@Dan: Is that how you see life? I guess I do in a way. Being super optimistic doesn’t work for me. It makes failure more difficult to deal with. I personally don’t analyze whether or not I’m being optimistic or pessimistic, if I did…I’d go crazy. I know people who go around saying all these little positive reaffirmations to themselves (they read in a positive thinking book). If I did that, I would snap LOL
I am not offended in the least- why would I be? I am extremely devout and certain in my beliefs- that I don’t feel a need to argue my religion with anyone. I certainly don’t argue them online- maybe over dinner and wine… with friends on walks. I don’t pick and chose parts of my religion and whether I did or not is important only to me in the aspect of how my faith develops and my relationship with God. On the same token as a Christian I don’t see proselytizing as sport. Some do- I don’t.
That’s awesome Michelle! I must admit I have a complex about religion and certain types of overly critical religious people. I’ve lost many friends over it as well as being despised by some family members.
When someone’s beliefs are totally different than others, it can sometimes drive a wedge between them. It’s nice to know you are open minded and really cool! I am still dealing with many older problems because of things that have happened to me, but I’m getting better at it. Like I said, I do believe in God, but I have many atheist friends. To me, religion is one of the most fascinating subjects of all
You’ve definitely hit the bulls eye with this one Bobby. Your post have reminded me of Walt Whitman’s verse where he said that he had accepted both - good or wrong in all its fullness, because that’s what life is all about. I am going now to search for that quote and to remind myself about it.
Thanks JC! If you take a person who has lots of negative personality disorders and have them read several self help, positive thinking books, it can actually be detrimental and have a negative effect. Personally, I don’t want to be happy 24-7 if that makes any sense.
You talk about everything in life having a balance, which is so true!
If you’re an avid reader, you may want to find the Sword of Truth series books by Terry Goodkind. The views seem much the same as yours, and it’s a great series.
Thanks Leigh! I’ll have to check that series out
I think the difference is whether you “try” to be on one side or the other. Some people are just negative all the time - and seem to like it that way.
I had to leave many friends behind when I stopped drinking. To my surprise, as I looked at myself with discerning eyes, my life had been spent negatively looking at everything, and I didn’t even realize it.
It might be nice to always be positive, but humans aren’t able to accomplish that anyway!!
Afternoon Bobby! I’d like to think of myself as having a balance too. There’s good Mariuca and evil Mariuca, one without the other just won’t work!
It’s already Friday here, so have a good weekend to you.
@Eric: If I could be hysterically happy 24-7, I guess I would be. I’ll bet someone would shoot me! I tend to stay basically neutral most of the time, though I really don’t think about it. Thinking too much is what gets you
@Marzie: Sometimes, nothing feels better than complaining and telling someone how it is…haha! Usually when I get mad or irritated, it ends up being funny somehow and everyone gets over it. I don’t like holding things in. Have a good weekend too!
About two hours ago I came home from a kick boxing class. One of the reasons that I took this class was to help me release feelings anger and frustration that I feel that I have difficulty expressing. Tonight was the last class. I missed the previous three classes prior. I attended most classes prior to this. I think of myself as a committed and active student. I forgot one of my boxing gloves in my car tonight. So I wasn’t able to spar with my peers. Angry and frustrated I chose to sit on the side and refused to participate any further. I was angry could be. I started to pack up my belongings fully aware that it was the last class. One guy encouraged me to stay, “Don’t punish yourself because you forgot your glove! You’ve come this far, don’t quit now he said”. “I’m too proud to stay and sit watching from the side I responded.” I felt I looked silly sitting there while everyone participated. I left! I drove home feeling angry and disappointed at myself. Here we go again you gave up yet again on something that you love and enjoy I thought to myself. Now I am sitting at home feeling angry and feeling that giving up or quitting when I am faced with challenges or difficulties seems to be how I cope lately.
How can positive thinking help me now that I feel angry towards myself? So I made a bad decision, deep inside there is something in me that feels good about my decision because I will probably make a whole lot more. I want to be comfortable with making bad decisions if that makes any sense? The truth is I am somewhat happy that I left. I missed the closing or wrap up speech that the instructor probably gave after the class. Perhaps his words would have encouraged me to return next year or to excel in other areas of my life. Who knows? What I know now is that I made a decision and whether it was the right or wrong one I have to deal with the consequences of my actions. I am not suggesting that individuals should strive to make negative decisions. Initially I blamed myself for making a bad decision and this caused me to feel upset and angry at myself feeling like I was a failure and that this was who I am on a whole. I refuse to believe that. I acknowledge that I wanted to be at that class until the end but I wasn’t because I made a decision to leave because I was too proud to sit and wait for another opportunity to participate without gloves and because I was too concerned about looking silly on the side.
The lesson I have learned tonight is that I am not a quitter or a loser. I have succeeded in many other areas of my life. If I fail at one or a few things; then I will learn to accept failure and I will not allow this to prevent me from trying harder next time. But for now, tonight; I give myself permission to make a mistake. I accept responsibility for the decisions I make and I will learn from them.
Reveillan, in your article, “The Negative Side of Positive Thinking”, you encourage the reader to, “to embrace the concept that we are all both positive and negative.” This encourages me to embrace the concept that I will make bad and good decisions. I accept this. After reading your article I gave myself permission to believe that perhaps the “negative decisions” I make could be functional depending on whether or not I learn from them.” I feel fortunate to have found your article. It is an interesting and refreshing perspective that negativity can have a balancing or functional effect. I encourage myself to learn and be both critical yet open minded in all aspects of life. I am optimistic that eventually I will express my feelings of anger or frustration once I feel comfortable to share this with someone who will simply listen and understand.