After my previous story, The Fruity Pebbles Nightmare, I felt like I needed to share a picture of Maria. Like I said, she was kicked in the face by a Clydesdale horse and doesn’t look right. She did win Ms. Aberrant Oddity 2008 at the Mississippi state fair – it was quite wonderful. Her family rents her out to children’s birthday parties for $1500.00, which is a really good price. They fill her face with pistachio ice-cream, using her as a human serving bowl – the kids always get a real kick out of it. She is really nice, but it totally freaks me out when she smokes…I wish I had a copy of the video. I often tease her by asking, “Does your face hurt?”

She howls like an injured walrus, shaking her head ‘no’. Everyone giggles (except her) and I reply, “No? Well it’s killing me.”

freakish femalien

freakish femalien

Can you guess which female celebrity this actually is? I did this photo manipulation with the gimp on Gentoo Linux – I hope it’s not too bizarre for you. I think it’s the weirdest picture I’ve ever seen.