What Bobby Revell Eats Everyday
I’m taking a break from my usual brutal politics and revulsion of Obama and McCain to talk about something fun: What Bobby Revell Eats Everyday.
I was raised on a traditional southern American diet; lots of meat, cheese, butter, thickened fatty sauces, chocolate, sugar, eggnog and fried chicken. As a young boy, my mother prepared my favorite breakfast every morning: Three gargantuan bacon, egg yolk, butter, cheese and mayonnaise sandwiches deep fried in a thick crust! Each mammoth delight had 12 strips of country bacon, five slices of cheese, six fried egg yolks, four heaping tablespoons of butter and topped in a profusely lush glaze of mayonnaise…YUM.
Since then, I stopped eating all pork because according to cannibals, pork tastes just like human meat. I cannot eat bacon, pork chops, pork roast, ham, pork hotdogs or anything from a disgusting feces eating pig. According to the Kaura tribe in the neighbourhood of Adelaide Australia in 1933, a roasted human infant tastes exactly like roasted pork tenderloin…yeech!
For breakfast today, I ate three quadruple meat, quadruple cheese chili burgers and a gallon of Nestle’s Chocolate milk. I also like strawberry and banana flavored milk - it’s my main beverage.
For lunch, I’ll engorge three pounds of fried fish, glazed in a thickened shellac of mayonnaise, butter and hot sauce; a side order of chili-cheese tator-tots and a two liter ice cold root beer. It can be difficult to satisfy my omnivorous voraciousness - my gluttonous epicurism - my unquenchable desire to devour humongous platters of food and wash them down with buckets of sugary liquids like eggnog and Dr.Pepper.
I have lots of blogging buddies who write about food like Jean, Marzie, Karen, Janice, Bobo, Jamy, Speedy and Teeni. Now check out this morbidly disgusting, fat laden burger I ate four of a few minutes ago for a post-breakfast snack:
Morbidly Disgusting Fat Laden Burger
I ate a bottle full of cherry flavored Rolaids and drank a frosty mug full of Pepto-Bismol to correct the acid/base balance in my gastrointestinal tract. I then guzzled down a frothy glass of Alka-Seltzer; after I burped, the pain was alleviated.
To get ready for tonight I will drink seven Stolichnaya Razberi martini’s to initiate my ravenous appetite, redden my eyes and put a twitch in my step. I usually drink a frigid bottle of cold pressed Flax Oil; I like it cold and gelatinous - it keeps my cholesterol low and vascular system unclogged.
I believe that greasy food keeps my joints lubricated and will prevent me from getting arthritis. Extra oil enables my blood cells to easily slide through my veins. Having said that, my body fat is minimal and I am extremely healthy.
Before going to sleep, I usually eat a 12 pack of Three Musketeer’s Chocolate bars with creamy nougat and wash it down with several shots of Everclear 190 proof grain alcohol or a 12 pack of Samuel Adam’s Boston Lager (to induce sleep and strange dreams). I wake up and do it all again. Here’s to your health!
* I really didn’t eat that disgusting burger! It’s from Jones.Trip on Flickr.
* This article is entirely fictional - please don’t eat as described wherein.
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LOL. The funny thing is that some blogs are only about what people ate each day. I find that extremely odd, but I’d probably go and have a look as long as the photos were good.
I soooo thought you were going to say you washed everything down with “diet” sodas!
Hold on Teeni, I’m drinking a thick chocolate shake made with heavy cream and buttermilk! I was thinking about those blogs where people post their meals and thought I’d share my meals with you..lol
I think John Chow just blogs about what he eats.
Hi Michelle! Who? John Chow? That’s one blog I wouldn’t read if you paid me…hahaha:mrgreen:
Bobby,
You will be making a “Grave Error” if you drank that nasty vodka.
I thought I told you Ikon vodka was the way to go!
Cheers,
Mitch
P.S. I’ve Stumbled your burger to my growing collection of Real-Life Thickburgers
Hey Mitch! For me, all vodka is nasty and I’ve never been a big fan. When I used to drink, my favorite was Bushmill’s Irish whiskey on the rocks. Thanks for stumbling my burger!
Greasy foods keeping the joints lubricated…hahaha. That burger is crazy big! I could never eat that thing. Then again, I can eat pizza until I puke which has its fair share of joint lubricant in it.
Hey Justin! The media would say that greasy food is unhealthy, they apparently haven’t read my scientifically correct article! Keep those joints well oiled!
Well … if it lubricates my joints, I can run faster, work longer, and become rich!!!
Ohh, wait a moment. (belly ache)
ROFL! I must confess, didn’t dawn on me until the end of the second paragraph and even then I had to pause and say “Wait a minute…”
Actually, I enjoy cooking just as much or more than eating. I’m not the healthiest eater but I’m better than I used to be.
I too am taking a bit of a break from the political nonsense. Makes my brain hurt.
Baseball playoffs start tonight and the Chicago Cubs are in! So for tonight, baseball and skewered boneless 1 lb. pork chops, wrapped in bacon, deep fried in lard, with a delicate tarragon dijon-mayo dipping sauce.
@Eric: I am drinking ranch dressing out of the bottle as I write this to keep my finger joints lubricated *BURP*
@Dave: So you thought this was serious for a second huh?! I needed a political break. Now I’m awaiting the senate’s vote. All I can do is laugh to keep from crying. Enjoy the game and your pork chops…haha! I’m going to watch the game too
Yummy, yummy sounds great, but what’s for dessert?
Why is that burger disgusting?
Anyway, I had pork chops tonight.
I hear people taste like shoe leather, so I avoid eating that. Dogs seem to like it though, so maybe we should all be worried.
Ha ha ha! Bobby!!! How do u keep so slim with all that gorging? He he! Thanks so much for the linky love Bobby, have a super terrific day and happy eating!
@Euro: Dessert? Braised baby feet in a menthol-cinnamon creme sauce!
@Dan: My first impression was that a baby had pooted on the lettuce and I gagged…hahaha!
@Marzie: I dunno Marzie! I’m going on a carrot/prune juice diet to clean my system out!!!
Ha,Ha,Ha!!! This just makes me sick. I was raised on southern food too. and all I have to do is look at a chili burger or anything fried and yummy and I gain ten lbs.
Walter is like you. He eats any old thing he wants and stays thin!!
Hey have you ever eaten at Mcneal’s on Rt. 59 in MS. Bobby?
They have a fabulous buffet of home cooked southern food!!
Must be nice is all I can say!
Hi Jackie! Since childhood, I’ve always wondered why my sense of humor is so twisted…lol!
No, I’ve never eaten at Mcneal’s. In real life, I’m a health nut and don’t eat much junk or greasy or fried food. I love seafood the most, chicken and lots of fruits and veggies
I’m surprised Doctor Roto-Rooter isn’t on permanent house calls to clean out your arteries after every meal!
Hi Debbie! The viscous oils from my greasy food keep my arteries clean! Hey, It’s completely logical isn’t it?
Now I lost my appetite by looking at the photo! ( sigh) this is late here- I hope I won’t have a nightmare about this LOL
I hope not either Lulu! That burger might look delicious to some people, but it grossed me out LOL!