A Martial Arts Lesson in Compassion

A brilliant martial arts instructor, Dr. Donald Green (a PhD in both psychology and sociology and master of Moo Duk Kwan or “school of martial virtue” - a hardcore Korean kicking art) told me once while referring to another student who was full of his own egotism, “Listen closely to what he says - and even closer to what he doesn’t say. Study his reaction, his reddened face, when he experiences embarrassment, when he gloats and when he places himself so highly. He doesn’t say much, but what he does say reveals so much about him. Many times, people reveal all they are in only one or two sentences.”

What he said has resonated so deeply throughout the years - and I’m thankful he was my teacher. Another martial arts teacher who was known to violently beat and hurt his students - often to prove he was superior - became the subject of discussion during class. Dr. Green said (like Grasshopper’s teacher on the TV show Kung-Fu), “Cruelty is a sign of weakness and self-hatred. A true martial artist is one who has compassion for another human being.”

What a truly powerful thing to say to a young student like me - who at the time needed proper guidance. That idea embedded itself in my mind and has affected me in a deeply personal way. When someone you intensely respect says something preconceived and of absolute purpose, it can last forever. Dr. Green could effortlessly beat me in an all out fight with one hand on his knee, crouched forward, fixing his hair in the mirror. I have fought martial artists from all over the world, but have never had anyone do that…besides him. It was intimidating. It made me feel weak and inept. It also taught me some extraordinary lessons that no one else could have taught me. One night while sparring, he kicked me in the face from an unusual angle and split the tissue around my eye wide open. He took me to the hospital and paid for my hospital bill. How compassionate is that!?

Another night while fighting, he kicked me in the groin over and over and over. I couldn’t seem to stop him and became extremely frustrated. He did the same thing to all the students. We were all walking with limps. He said, “Do you know why I was able to hit you easily - at will - anytime I chose to?”

I said, “No sir.”

He replied, “When I hit you, I know for a fact I will succeed in absolute terms. When you try to hit me - that’s just it - you are only trying - you don’t know for sure. That is the difference.”

What? Haha! That was a defining moment in my life. There is a difference between “trying” and “succeeding”. A warrior does. A warrior doesn’t try. Ah…a fantastic concept to contemplate!

At the time, I really felt unloved by my own father, though I eventually became close to my dad before he died. My dad was hard on me. He cut me down and made me feel like a worthless human being. I know he loved me, but he was the most hard core military man I’ve ever met. He worked 100 hours per week to provide for his family and didn’t know the word quit. The military and two wars had affected his very essence. When my dad was diagnosed with esophageal cancer, he changed.

He was certain that I had every right to hate him - as he lay there dying. He said he understood if I rejected him because of how he degraded and belittled me. While my father was dying, I forgave him and told him how much I loved him - all because my martial arts teacher taught me about compassion. What a powerful idea….compassion for another human being. My father became a different man after becoming sick and though we shared only a short while together in peace, I thank God we had that. It was wonderful and provided a life time of closure. Thanks Dad!

Today, I am going through so much in my mind. I am having many new revelations about my life and who I am - and I’m scared in some ways - though I’m brave enough to listen with an open mind to anything another person has to say. This is changing and evolving many of my philosophical and political beliefs.

That’s the reason I blog. It’s not to make money or force my ideas on other people (though I sometimes feel like I am). I am simply here to learn and become a better person. I’m here to fight for truth, I’m here to learn what that truth is - to fight the right fight. I’m here to become a better writer and help inspire others to do the same. Above all, I am compassionate to other people’s feelings. Sometimes, compassion means letting someone go - allowing them to find their own way. Perhaps this is not epiphany, but a return to the root of who I am as a person. I think I’ve become lost in some respects over the last few years.

Thank you Dr. Green, for saying in a single sentence, something which changed my life…to be compassionate. I haven’t talked to him in years. I am trying to find him and say thanks. I wonder what he would say after reading my blog.

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Tags: aikido, martial arts, moo duk kwan, zen

October 5, 2008 · Filed Under critical thinking, philosophy

Comments

23 Responses to “A Martial Arts Lesson in Compassion”

J.C. on October 5th, 2008 8:14 am

Amazing post Bobby, though I disagree with you on certain political issues, that is not a reason to not admire you as a really interesting and inspiring person. Since I found your blog I am reading it almost on daily basis because of post like this one you just wrote.
Cheers.
Revellian on October 5th, 2008 8:37 am

Thanks so much J.C.! I’m not exactly sure where we disagree on politics but I have a general idea. It has something to do with America’s help to foreign nations such as yours. In order for America to afford the cost of helping many nations and caring, many things must change because right now, we cannot afford to even help ourselves. With all the great things this country has done in the world, we do just as many bad things.

Meeting you and reading stories of your home has caused me to re-think many of my own positions. Whoever becomes president and whoever is elected to congress, I will be hard on them and they must prove their worth by earning it. I sat by too complacently during the Bush administration and didn’t do enough.

My political thoughts are ever evolving and never the same. I am trying to understand more and more. I am afraid America may not be around much longer and my beliefs are for now, to repair this country so we can continue fighting the right fights and discard the irrelevant ones such as the illegal and evil Iraq war. America has an outdated and ineffective political ideology and is currently destroying itself. The deeply divided two party system is one of the most detrimental issues - it seems to perpetuate inner hatred and needs to be restructured.

Thanks J.C., have a great day
Eric "Speedcat Hollydale" on October 5th, 2008 4:21 pm

I have stumbled across this subject before … and I think the most powerful and decent people in the world are humble. By that, I do not mean having a low self respect. It is having an equally high regard for yourself and others.
We are all so different here on out little planet. You cannot have just one viewpoint, nor a tunnel of vision. Just as your instructor showed you such a valuable lesson … it was imperative to see it as viable in your own mind.
As you talk about your father, I can hear love and acceptance. I like that Bobby. We all have experiences that trouble us, even eat away at our core. How we deal with these emotions is so key. Love, kindnesss, and the ability to forgive are indeed the foundations of a solid personality.
I see so many angry resentful people that carry there ego with such strenth that you can actualy feel it as they walk by. I am glad I am not one of them.
I may not do a great job of it all the time, but my goal and effort is to expell a positive circle resonating from my own existance. I think that something as simple as a friendly smile to a stranger is contageous.
Being hard, cold, and callous is the easy way out and for the weak.
Revellian on October 5th, 2008 5:08 pm

Hi Eric! After writing some of previous political articles, they were really vicious and made me feel a certain amount of negativity. After this past week, I had far too much of it and it really wore me down. It made me think about things in a different light. For a short while, I failed to realize how much writing that type of angry criticism can weigh on me, and that affects others also. I guess the entire nation is mad and I had to let it out - but enough is enough.

Writing this post made me feel good inside and it was my hope that others would feel it too. I sure feel positive today - thanks for your positive comment too!
Eric "Speedcat Hollydale" on October 5th, 2008 5:28 pm

Well, I think everyone is in the same boat regarding politics!!

If we cannot change the world … let us try to change the things around us, and close to us ~ for the better.

I really did enjoy reading this post.
See you later,
Eric
Revellian on October 5th, 2008 5:50 pm

Thanks Eric! My goal this week is to stay calm and write anything but the “P” word!!!

Have a great Sunday night
teeni on October 5th, 2008 6:14 pm

I bet he’d be as proud of you as your own father should have shown more often (but probably was just hiding it). I’m do hope you are able to get back in touch with him - that would be neat.
Revellian on October 5th, 2008 6:18 pm

Awww…thanks Teeni! I will track him down, I think I possibly already have…just waiting to see
Zen Lill on October 5th, 2008 10:00 pm

HI Bobby, I was touched by this post, to show compassion for another is the kindest gesture one can offer, this is just one of the things that money just cannot buy and I have nothing against money, just the misuse of it. I love a freebie and giving and having been shown compassion is the ultimate freedom. Thank you, love your writing, even the angry political rants, someone has to do it, why not you? Why not me? I decide to ‘take the piss’ (Britlish) out of GWB today, why not, only 107 more days to go : )
Peace, Zen Lill
Revellian on October 5th, 2008 10:38 pm

Thanks so much Zen Lill! While I will also be glad to see Bush go, our nation is placing far too much importance on the next president. When I hear both candidates say, “I will save this country…etc,” I know it’s not in their power for one person to change anything - but it sounds good in a speech and helps their election chances…haha

I will always be non-partisan and never side with either party - but will always criticize both with equal vigor.

I needed to write something positive to be compassionate to myself, and spread that compassion outward. Today is a great day to be alive!!!
Svasti on October 5th, 2008 10:58 pm

Hi Bobby,
Great post. Compassion is surely the heart of what it is to be human.

I’ve lived all my life with a mother who had her child taken from her in the 60’s simply because she was unwed. Understandably that is a tough one to get over, and I don’t think she really wants to.

Ofcourse, its her call. But the reality is that it takes a lot of energy and zaps your strength and health to hold on to all that anger and pain.

When I found myself at utter rock bottom after being assaulted I knew I had a choice.

I recently wrote a post about the ability to forgive and love those who’ve “wronged you”. Its a blissful experience. The post is here:
http://svasti.wordpress.com/2008/10/03/kundalini-healing/

Namaste
~Svasti
Revellian on October 5th, 2008 11:12 pm

Thank you Svasti! I couldn’t imagine what your mother went through. Sometimes people feel guilty if they don’t endlessly mourn - like it’s wrong to heal and not let the pain eat you alive.

I’ve had to forgive myself for mentally assaulting myself - self loathing and disgust - I felt like I deserved to me punished by myself.

I’d be happy to read your post
Genie Princess on October 6th, 2008 2:46 am

Hi Bobby! I’m glad u decided to forgive ur dad before he passed away. It’s okay not to forget (like yours truly!), but it’s always good to forgive. *HUGS*
Revellian on October 6th, 2008 8:32 am

Thanks Marzie! We really forgave each other and it was a wonderful thing.
Kima on October 6th, 2008 9:05 am

“When I hit you, I know for a fact I will succeed in absolute terms. When you try to hit me - that’s just it - you are only trying - you don’t know for sure. That is the difference.”

Wow! Absolutely wow! Such a deep profound statement making actual sense and yet such a simple sentence at the same time. You are so fortunate to know a person like that in real life and learn something from their drops of wisdom.
Revellian on October 6th, 2008 9:23 am

Thanks Kima! It was so much more impacting after being kicked in the groin 20-30 times. Anyone can say profound things, but it’s the timing of when he said them that made it truly profound and unforgettable!
Potato Chef on October 6th, 2008 10:50 am

Just a really well thought out and written post. I must say that it is refreshing to know that there are some really great blogger, like yourself, on the internet.

Bullies are always cowards.
Zen Lill on October 6th, 2008 12:30 pm

Hi Bobby, you make me laugh (in a good way) I am a registered Independent for 20 years, hoping for a viable Libertarian party for most of those years so when i seem on an Obama’s the man soapbox it’s all very tempered but the lesser of two evils, which is basically how I view most elections using this stupid two party system following ‘party lines’ as opposed to working for the people. But let’s stay happy : ) I have been swamped with e-mail’s asking for my explanation re: the Oj trial and wow, I can’t wait to explain the ‘jury of peers’ factor - hoo boy, better get out my Zen hat for that! Peace, Zen Lill
Revellian on October 6th, 2008 12:55 pm

Hi Zen! Well, the libertarian and constitutional parties both have more viable candidates than either McCain or Obama. The libertarian party is extremely conservative and is completely antithetical to the democratic party. To me, the libertarian party is really the anti-communism party which is what we need right now. The republican party is the no longer conservative party of war. The democratic party is 100% communistic liberal fascism.

Have a great day!
David Weller on October 6th, 2008 1:50 pm

Thank you for this article! It’s the most powerful piece of writing I’ve read for a long time - it comes through as so genuine, I’m glad you shared it.

Compassion is the side of martial arts that it’s so easy to overlook or forget. I’m guilty of it as well, becoming wrapped up in short term goals and forgetting the point of it all.

Thank you again.
Michelle Gartner on October 6th, 2008 2:34 pm

Hmmm I know some very cruel people, not physically but mentally… I avoid them like the plague because they are like being around a poisonous cloud. On person I can think of in particular is filled with hatred and jealousy and their brain is warped. On the other hand this person is very fragile and insecure- and I feel sorry for them. Not enough to have any regular contact with them, regardless of my sympathy for this person, I don’t want to fix them. Distant relatives or sometimes best left distant. I am NOT a goofy positive person, but I do avoid negative people and situations because I don’t like to feel poisoned.

Good post grasshopper- I love Kung Fu, Master Po is my favorite. I like when he gives people an butt kicking even though he is blind as a bat.
Revellian on October 6th, 2008 3:38 pm

Thanks David, I’m glad you liked it! Nowadays, with so much attention on the UFC and MMA, people forget about the depth of martial art’s philosophy - though I do love MMA!
Revellian on October 6th, 2008 3:43 pm

Hi Michelle! I have many poisonous relatives who would steal everything I own if given half a chance, as sad as that sounds. I think the word is empathy, not sympathy.

Thank you Master Michelle-Po, your wisdom has enlightened me…hehe