A brilliant martial arts instructor, Dr. Donald Green (a PhD in both psychology and sociology and master of Moo Duk Kwan or “school of martial virtue” – a hardcore Korean kicking art) told me once while referring to another student who was full of his own egotism, “Listen closely to what he says – and even closer to what he doesn’t say. Study his reaction, his reddened face, when he experiences embarrassment, when he gloats and when he places himself so highly. He doesn’t say much, but what he does say reveals so much about him. Many times, people reveal all they are in only one or two sentences.”

What he said has resonated so deeply throughout the years – and I’m thankful he was my teacher. Another martial arts teacher who was known to violently beat and hurt his students – often to prove he was superior – became the subject of discussion during class. Dr. Green said (like Grasshopper’s teacher on the TV show Kung-Fu), “Cruelty is a sign of weakness and self-hatred. A true martial artist is one who has compassion for another human being.”

What a truly powerful thing to say to a young student like me – who at the time needed proper guidance. That idea embedded itself in my mind and has affected me in a deeply personal way. When someone you intensely respect says something preconceived and of absolute purpose, it can last forever. Dr. Green could effortlessly beat me in an all out fight with one hand on his knee, crouched forward, fixing his hair in the mirror. I have fought martial artists from all over the world, but have never had anyone do that…besides him. It was intimidating. It made me feel weak and inept. It also taught me some extraordinary lessons that no one else could have taught me. One night while sparring, he kicked me in the face from an unusual angle and split the tissue around my eye wide open. He took me to the hospital and paid for my hospital bill. How compassionate is that!?

Another night while fighting, he kicked me in the groin over and over and over. I couldn’t seem to stop him and became extremely frustrated. He did the same thing to all the students. We were all walking with limps. He said, “Do you know why I was able to hit you easily – at will – anytime I chose to?”

I said, “No sir.”

He replied, “When I hit you, I know for a fact I will succeed in absolute terms. When you try to hit me – that’s just it – you are only trying – you don’t know for sure. That is the difference.”

What? Haha! That was a defining moment in my life. There is a difference between “trying” and “succeeding”. A warrior does. A warrior doesn’t try. Ah…a fantastic concept to contemplate!

At the time, I really felt unloved by my own father, though I eventually became close to my dad before he died. My dad was hard on me. He cut me down and made me feel like a worthless human being. I know he loved me, but he was the most hard core military man I’ve ever met. He worked 100 hours per week to provide for his family and didn’t know the word quit. The military and two wars had affected his very essence. When my dad was diagnosed with esophageal cancer, he changed.

He was certain that I had every right to hate him – as he lay there dying. He said he understood if I rejected him because of how he degraded and belittled me. While my father was dying, I forgave him and told him how much I loved him – all because my martial arts teacher taught me about compassion. What a powerful idea….compassion for another human being. My father became a different man after becoming sick and though we shared only a short while together in peace, I thank God we had that. It was wonderful and provided a life time of closure. Thanks Dad!

Today, I am going through so much in my mind. I am having many new revelations about my life and who I am – and I’m scared in some ways – though I’m brave enough to listen with an open mind to anything another person has to say. This is changing and evolving many of my philosophical and political beliefs.

That’s the reason I blog. It’s not to make money or force my ideas on other people (though I sometimes feel like I am). I am simply here to learn and become a better person. I’m here to fight for truth, I’m here to learn what that truth is – to fight the right fight. I’m here to become a better writer and help inspire others to do the same. Above all, I am compassionate to other people’s feelings. Sometimes, compassion means letting someone go – allowing them to find their own way. Perhaps this is not epiphany, but a return to the root of who I am as a person. I think I’ve become lost in some respects over the last few years.

Thank you Dr. Green, for saying in a single sentence, something which changed my life…to be compassionate. I haven’t talked to him in years. I am trying to find him and say thanks. I wonder what he would say after reading my blog.