Over the years, my depression has diminished immensely and I actually welcome the cool weather; however, depression still occasionally gets me. I’ve tried medication, but it’s too expensive and never worked for me. I have trained myself to be conscious of my thoughts – constantly. I have to, otherwise I may slip into the pool of misery. Reaching out to others helps a lot, and I welcome you as my friend! I hope this winter brings you warmth and happiness. I say embrace the cold, take some afternoon strolls outdoors and at least let a little sun shine on your skin. I feel great right now, so I’m sending you a waterfall of smiles!

It seems with age, it just keeps getting more severe, too. Medication barely touches it anymore. Thank you for sharing what it’s like for you. I think perhaps people who don’t suffer from it need to read more from people who do suffer from it, so that society can understand that it’s not just a term to throw around lightly!

That, and based on my post, it looked like I *was* drunk posting because it’s riddled with errors … so that was my brain on drugs … or before the drugs were “clicking” as they say … which that is a phrase I’ve coined from a man I knew who had Parkinson disease.

The brain can betray us in so many ways, and his finally killed him, but early on that’s how he spoke of the medications. It took time, every morning, for things to start “clicking” and every morning was different, because we all know there are many physiological and psychological factors that affect a brain on it’s best day and when you pile a med trial on that, it’s always “anything can happen” day.

He really rallied, living with the disease, the meds, the every day is a new or difficult day aspect of a brain that has a brain of its own, so to speak. I think of him often, as well as anyone else who can speak of this unsupreme subject in a supreme way.

I used to be this very organized, anal and put together person. And I still hate the fact that I have to say “used to be” when speaking about my former self and brain pan.

I had a stroke late in my 30s. Yeah, me! A young person. And since then my brain and my “self” have just been a little bit “off.”

The best way I have had it explained is that my brian now mimics bipolar activity. I don’t know why they don’t just say, “Hi, you are bipolar now, deal with it,” because hello?!?!?!? I’m bipolar now, and I have to deal with it.

I’m like the girl with the curl in the middle of her forehead … on good days, I’m very, very good days, and on bad days I’m “horrid,” and then when you factor in that I’ve always been anal, organized, high-achiever, and let a joy keep you person, you know on my “horrid” days I’m still living and achieving and doing it in such a way that no one will notice that it’s a struggle (except for those who really, really know me).

Again, an excellent piece. I hope to speak more to my brain, or about my brain, in a future blog. I seem to touch on it lots, but something holds me back from really fully talking about it and its full bizarro nature.

@Chris: Thank you so much! I hope all is well.

@Anne: Thank you! I’ve been battling this problem all my life. Right now I feel great and am happy, so I am moving forward! This is like drunk dialing…LOL!!! When I’m depressed, it really helps to have another person tell me it’s going to be alright. With blogging, there’s always some really nice person who will.

@Rolando: It’s great to see you!!! I have a ton of stuff I’m glad I didn’t publish. People in the blogosphere are generally caring and friendly, so I feel safe spilling it all!

This was very well written, and I’m glad you didn’t hit delete. You really hit on the pulse of what it’s like when the brain is unbalanced, or is the some very labile pulse, which is how I see it sometimes.

Again, fabulous write on what I was going to say is a not-so-fabulous affliction, although I don’t want to call that either because it just is what it is and you have spoken to it with a great deal of respect and knowledge. We can’t hate our brains, but we can be frustrated by their manifestations.

Okay, I’ve had some labile times this week (although to the general public I seem productive) and now this post seems very manic and like drunk-blogg-dialing/commenting.

oh, the horror! the horror!