My new friend Miragi asked me some questions about depression. She is the author of several blogs such as Stitch Witch and Read Between My Lines. I was pleasantly surprised and am more than happy to answer. I am an expert on being depressed and over time, have conquered it for the most part; although, I do occasionally fall in the abyss of misery.
Before I begin, I want to explain what depression is to me and just how debilitating it has been. I often hear people say, “Everyone gets depressed every now and then – we all have similar hardships and suffer the same feelings.”
I disagree with the above statement 100%. Yes everyone gets down occasionally and has the same heartaches, but depression is something else altogether. In my case, the death of a loved one pales in comparison to the agony I’ve suffered from depression. Imagine your family is murdered, your spouse leaves and your children are kidnapped on the same day. Amidst all that pain, when you need your friends and family the most, they laugh at you and toss you aside like you’re garbage. Imagine how sick you would feel. Imagine it 10 times worse than that. Imagine if that same feeling persisted for months or even years, twenty-four hours a day and never subsided for a single second – yet for no apparent reason. That’s how horrifyingly sick I feel when I’m depressed. Yes, for me it’s that bad or maybe even worse. Now to the questions:
- Do you take medication at all? If so, which one(s)?
I no longer take any medications; however, I have tried a few different ones in the past. The first anti-depressant I took was Prozac, a commonly prescribed SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor). This drug basically prevents your brain from metabolizing the neurotransmitter serotonin, thus elevating levels once the drug is taken for several weeks.
After I took Prozac for four months – and it took that long to notice any major effect – I became emotionally unstable, either couldn’t sleep or couldn’t stay awake and felt like a shroud of control had been draped over my mind. If I became upset and needed to cry, I could not. I could not laugh, be happy, sad, mad or anything in between. I felt like a zombie. It became so unbearable, I quit taking it. My doctor was worried that quitting so suddenly would be detrimental, but I quickly felt normal again. I have tried a few other drugs, but none worked for me and all had similar negative effects. I decided to tackle my depression naturally and it has worked so far.
Just remember, drugs are not a cure all and most psychiatrists only prescribe them temporarily for most people in the hopes that eventually, you can be weened off of them. Your goal should be to not depend on drugs for life, and work towards normalcy through a wide range of help and techniques. Often times, the ‘cure’ is something simple, and people tend to over-complicate their problems.
- Do you see a therapist? If so, is it helping? Is it hurting, is it just “there”?
Yes, I’ve had a ton of therapy from several different sources. I’ve had both horrible and brilliant therapists, and recommend to change therapists until you find one that does help and really listens. I also recommend group therapy. I give each one a fair chance and they all have their own methods and schools of thought.
I no longer see one and have become my own therapist over the years. I am deeply introspective and spiritual because of a lifetime of involvement in martial arts, yoga and Zen – but more about that in my next answer.
- How long have you been dealing with your depression (from a diagnostic standpoint)-.ie how long did you suffer before getting an ‘official diagnosis’, and thusly, how long have you been ‘treated’ for it?
I’ve been suffering from depression as far back as I can remember. It’s not something I recently discovered and have battled it all my life. Now, everyone has a different story and multitude of reasons for their affliction. I highly recommend proper treatment, a good doctor, therapist and talking about your problems to others. Many people suffer depression and there is less stigma attached to it these days. Never feel ashamed about yourself for any reason.
My depression did not come from a traumatic event like many people who suffer PTSD or bipolar disorder. These are serious conditions and you really should get help if you have these problems. Again, as with all disorders, you eventually have to treat yourself and become your own therapist. You have to learn new coping techniques to become mentally self reliant.
I am not a psychiatrist or doctor, but I have over many years learned to treat myself and suffer depression much less than ever before. You would think someone like me who has powerful inner awareness through decades of meditation, Qi breathing, yoga and martial arts would have no problems.
I can raise and lower my body temperature at will, control blood flow to parts of my body with my mind and stay extremely calm in dangerous situations. I actually become calmer in moments of extreme danger. I got in a head on collision in a brand new truck. I was so calm during the wreck, I did not blink even when the air bad inflated and white foam sprayed in my face. I would have closed my eyes if the windshield had shattered, but it did not. I figured if I was going to die, I wanted to see it happen. The wreck seemed to be in slow motion. Afterwards, my heart rate did not increase. I was as calm before the wreck as after – even after almost being killed. That comes from boxing and getting hit in the face many times. Eventually, you are no longer gun-shy, and can watch the fist hit you without blinking – you only blink if you absolutely have to. Of course, my nose has been broken multiple times…lol.
Having said this and with all the control I have over myself, I still become depressed. Nobody is above it and it can hit anyone at any time.
The single most prevalent factor I have in controlling my depression is being aware of what I think about. I pay attention to what thoughts actively occur in my mind, 24-7-365. I was talking to a 32 year old mother who lost her baby to cancer. She endlessly mourned and had become so severely depressed I thought she maybe suicidal. Her baby died nine years ago and she was still suffering. In fact, she had so intensely fixated on that one traumatic event that it affected her body in the form of ulcers, nervousness, insomnia and so forth. She allowed that event to condition her every thought.
She told me, “I feel guilty if I don’t mourn. If I don’t mourn, I feel like I’m doing something wrong.”
She had convinced herself that it was not good to move on. To ever climb out of her hole, she must allow herself to heal and give herself permission to live happily, even though she lost her baby. I finally convinced her to get help. A few years later and tons of therapy, including group therapy, she has finally learned how to cope with such anguish. She now studies the Chinese martial art, Tai Chi, and has become a completely different person.
Now, I want to recommend a few things that can help anyone, even if they don’t suffer depression. This is incredibly helpful with people under a lot of stress. I highly recommend anyone to either study Tai Chi or Yoga. I don’t mean the Hollywood yoga you see on Oprah where everyone wears designer tights. I mean find a real yoga teacher who has a strong background in Yogi philosophy – it is the mental aspect of yoga that is so powerful. Of course all exercise is good, particularly weight lifting and or jogging, calisthenics and so forth.
If humankind ever created a cure for depression, it is Yoga and/or Tai Chi. Most all Kung-fu schools teach Tai Chi and you should look into it. I’ve always thought these types of arts are much more interesting than plain exercise and have more pronounced effects on your health. These arts can be preformed by children, women, older folks – even people that are physically disabled and cannot do normal exercise. There are many paths to the same place, but this is the path I chose.
Remember, what you think about has a tremendous impact on your body and mental well being. Before you can get a grip on your own problems, you must have control over what you think about…constantly.
*The above picture is called Mind-Artistic-Spiral from the wikipedia commons. It originated from Harun Yahya. I chose it because after years of the arts mentioned above, I learned how Qi energy flows in a spiral, as do many things in nature. Many times, negative thought can spiral out of control – so I thought it fitting to represent this article.





#1 by Shinade at November 28th, 2008
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This is a wonderful article Bobby. You explain depression very clearly and it is easy to understand for those who do not have clinical depression.
I have dealt with this all of my life as well. And mine is aggravated by extreme PTSD, chronic anxiety, and I am also bi-polar.
I myself cannot take anti depressants. They have not found one single one yet that I do not have an adverse reaction to.
However, I do have my medications and will most likely be on them for the rest of my life. This is not something that I have resigned myself too.
Rather, it is something for me that I have quit fighting. Several times I have weaned myself off of my medications and the results have been terrible.
I become very manic and can be dangerous to myself in many different ways.
I hope you had a great Thanksgiving Bobby!!
#2 by Revellian at November 28th, 2008
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Thanks Jackie,
In some cases, you might have to take medications your entire life. I suppose in a way, I have quit fighting too. I have come to terms with and accepted my condition. It is what it is, and I was born with it. I have learned to cope with it, though sometimes it is nearly impossible to deal with.
Take care of yourself Jackie – you will always have a friend in me…always!
Yes, I had a great Thanksgiving. I spent yesterday with my family and didn’t look at my blog. I hope yours was good too!
#3 by Kima at November 28th, 2008
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I deal with depression by praying, but then if I recommend that to you I know what your reply would be and what we would end up discussing
lolz.
Right now, Terrorists attacked my city (Mumbai) so it is pretty depressing for everybody. So many innocent lives lost. I go out on the streets and it gets even more depressing, with everyone suspiciously looking around at each other, ready to jump up at any noise they hear. Its extremely tensed here.
I’ve dealt with depression in so many ways all my life, but have never tried therapy. Here in India, therapy is still an upper class privilege.
When I dropped out from MBA college and got dumped by my girlfriend in the same month, I was extremely depressed. I used to drink a lot back then because of that. Sometimes it worked! While other times I become even more depressed. Hence drinking/drugs is more like a gamble because we never know which way it is going to work.
#4 by Revellian at November 28th, 2008
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Hi Kima, no you don’t know what my reply would be – but I know what you think my reply would be! I pray all the time and it does have a powerful impact on you as long as you believe in what your praying for.
I’ve been watching news coverage of the terrorist attack and I have been praying for all the people in your country including you my friend. I hope it doesn’t get worse and is resolved soon. I am quite sure the American military is considering helping, but as I understand it, that is up to India’s leaders. I am far from being an expert on terrorism, but I hope it subsides.
Yeah, I’ve tried the drinking/drugging route but that almost destroyed my life completely. I will keep a close watch on this volatile situation.
Just know, you always have a friend in me.
#5 by Lulu at November 28th, 2008
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ou eventually have to treat yourself and become your own therapist. – I agree with you! this is really what I think; it needs practice to become a therapist oneself. I do think this isn’t easy at all, but I am pretty sure “Your happiness is in own hands; whether or not you want to live peacefully.” When I get depressed I usually listen to music that soothes me ; gamelan, the sound of waterfall, bird chirps, pray; and they work even it will take longer than expected.Truth to be told when I deal with depression I often say to myself “Come on! You can be happy, you can rid of those silly depression.” I like your blog Bobby! it encourages me more to be a therapist for myself as the only person who can help me out of depression is I myself. Thanks for the link! Happy weekend- wish you all the best in your life.
#6 by Revellian at November 28th, 2008
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Hi Lulu! I once upon a time would do other things to feel better; like music, a walk and so forth. But the depression returned, sometimes even worse than before. What I do is instead of doing something to get my mind off the problem, is I delve into it head on and rid myself of any negative thoughts. Even so, I still have problems – but they don’t last for years. I was once depressed for around 5 years straight – every second of every day. It took a lot of work to get over it. I am doing extremely well now!
#7 by Mi at November 28th, 2008
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Thank you, Bobby, for taking the time to answer my questions so very thoroughly. I’ve not got a whole lot to say in the way of input because I’m just stuck in the maddening cycle of not being able to find the right treatment/therapy, etc.
Always the rebel, I have stopped taking every single stupid medication they kept putting me on because, all in all, I really believe it was making me worse. Part of me thinks maybe I’ve just been trying to run away and hide from the assorted realities that have bombarded this year, so I guess this is maybe going to be me-trying to see whether I’m capable of dealing while standing on my own two non-medicated feet.
I’ve got a long row to hoe, but having friendship and advice from those who are in the same boat will be of great help!
Xo
Mi
#8 by Revellian at November 28th, 2008
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Hi Miragi! Whatever the cause, I know you can win. I do not know you well enough to throw in my 2 cents, but feeling bad all the time is not an option. There is a lot I’m not willing to share on my blog about myself, but I this is how I deal with it. I control my thoughts at all times and do not allow just any thought to wreak havoc in my brain…lol. For me, it was like breaking an old habit like smoking
#9 by J. C. at November 28th, 2008
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Bobby, this was an incredibly useful article. So many people could relate to it. It is really surprising how many people are suffering from depression nowadays. I also had terrible phases of it. And the most important thing is, as you have stressed in your post – to learn how to cope with it and to find what works.
Cheers!
#10 by Revellian at November 28th, 2008
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Hi J.C., with all you’ve experienced in your homeland, it would be nearly impossible to not experience depression. It seems that you have truly been through hell, but you seem to cope very well!
We must all find our own way to cope. It just took me my entire life to finally feel partially normal.
#11 by Ray Johnson | Make money on the internet at November 28th, 2008
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Wonderful and in some way inspirational. Thanks for sharing.
#12 by Lulu at November 28th, 2008
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I am doing extremely well now!
Happy for you! wish me luck with my depression- hope I will be feeling like what you are feeling now- extremely well:-)
#13 by teeni at November 29th, 2008
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Great post, Bobby. It’s good to see things from the viewpoint of a sufferer, not a doctor. I also think, as you said, that being aware of the subjects you allow your mind to focus on can be helpful. As for the woman who lost her child to cancer, we always hear the sayings, “losing a child is the most horrible thing that could happen to a parent.” So I think that puts more pressure on someone to feel they have to grieve but doesn’t give them a way to move forward. I realize that is not a pain that will ever go away but it does not have to become the focus of someone’s life and so all-consuming. In my opinion, grieving should be a mechanism to help us move forward in life (not move ON as if that person didn’t affect our lives, but FORWARD as in continuing to live despite the loss).
#14 by Revellian at November 29th, 2008
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@Ray: Thank you for reading!
@Lulu: Thank you! I hope you don’t get depressed like me. If you ever do, please come talk to me and I will lift your spirits…I promise
@Teeni: Thanks Teeni! Yes, much of depression comes from fixating on past events. Sometimes, even after a person has gotten over a bad memory, the depression remains and becomes self perpetuating. That’s why I say the real “cure” is to control what you think about. I learned that it’s ok to be happy and not remain stagnantly thinking about the bad stuff. You are so right, grieving should propel us forward, not hold us back!
#15 by John D at November 29th, 2008
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Bobby – Thanks for another fine post in your series about depression. I believe that whatever path to recovery one might follow, it will never work until you become the driver. Waiting for a medication to work and getting discouraged when it doesn’t perform miracles seems so futile to me. Not that medications may not work – for me they have been working (though only lately) but they won’t have a chance if you’re not determined to make them part of a larger strategy that involves everything you’ve got, physically, mentally, spiritually – exactly as you describe. I’m cautiously optimistic these days that I have finally found the right path to recovery after getting lost in those woods time after time. We all have to treat ourselves or lead our treatment – and you provide a great example for others.
As always, my best to you – John
#16 by Revellian at November 30th, 2008
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Hi John! You’re right about medications, and they do halp many people. In my case, the effects were so negative, they caused more problems than I already had, so I had to find a different route. Had they helped even a little, I may still be taking them.
I see depression recovery like recovery from drug addiction, we are always in recovery. Feeling normal has become easier over time, but I have to maintain such a high level of self-awareness to keep from falling in the hole.
Everyone has a different path to recovery, but most are essentially the same in a deeper sense. I simply want to feel normal – not hysterically happy, not floating on air, but normal.
Have a great week ahead John!
#17 by Jessie at December 2nd, 2008
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Every person in one way or the other face depression in their lives. It certainly leaves a very bad effect both mentally and physically. It’s good to see that this article will be beneficial for those who are going through these rough stages of depressions. Thanks for sharing your valued knowledge regarding the issue
#18 by DaveS at December 3rd, 2008
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Outstanding article Bobby!
One of my sisters is bi-polar and suffers badly from depression. For her, without medication, she cannot function. She doesn’t like taking it but now realizes what happens when she does not. She likens it to being in a constant fog covered in a heavy wet blanket.
Being better able to try and focus your mind and what you think about goes a long way for a lot of things. I suffer badly from tinnitus (ringing in the ears). For me it’s a constant high pitched tone (like in a hearing test) 24/7/365 that you can’t turn off. Sometimes it’s so loud I can’t imagine why people around me can’t hear it too.
Learning to to keep my mind occupied and not think about it provides some relief. That and a television or talk radio on all time, especially at night as it’s worse when it’s quiet.
It’s always there and whether or not I “notice” it at any particular point in time depends upon me not thinking about it or being focused on something else… writing this comment for example.
Dave
#19 by Revellian at December 3rd, 2008
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Thanks Jessie! It does affect you physically and mentally and should never be taken lightly.
Thank you Dave! It’s good to hear from you. I hope your sister’s symptoms lessen over time, but I know how debilitating it can be. I have a slight amount of hissing, like air blowing out of my left ear. It’s not real bad, so I’m careful not to listen to really loud music like I did as a teen. Problems like that are in a way like politics, you have to get your mind off of it or you go crazy…LOL!
#20 by DaveS at December 3rd, 2008
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lol… So true Bobby. Thank you.
I don’t listen to music much anymore. It tends to make things worse. But on occasion, on days when it’s not as bad, I risk it.
Dave
#21 by Justin Airsoft at December 4th, 2008
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Real depression is worse than most people realize. You don’t take pleasure in anything and it’s hard to do work. Everybody feels sad sometimes, but others feel it excessively because of chemical imbalances. I liked your responses to the questions, too.
#22 by Revellian at December 5th, 2008
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@Dave: Hi Dave! I listen to music all the time, but it is instrumental music. I rarely listen to music with vocals, but do like some singers. I am amazed I can still hear after all those concerts I went to
@Justin: Very true! Also, a traumatic event can actually cause a chemical imbalance if it is bad enough.
#23 by Paul Baines at December 9th, 2008
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I really appreciated reading this post – I did a little Yoga and Tai Chi whilst in The Priory in Brighton, but haven’t kept it up.
I suppose I use my depression rather than vice-versa, in fact I don’t even call it depression any more. In the past I’ve taken two overdoses and a few near jumps. It doesn’t even sound like me these days. I can’t say why, I just know it isn’t ever going to happen again.
My experiences were so extreme that I was able to distance what I call myself from all of them, and learn that I have through the years I have fundamentally been a string of different people, one after the other.
These days I like who I am, or rather what I do in this life, I don’t have any religious leanings, I distrust much of society, including who runs it and how, but now I can do far more than merely live with it. I can hone my perceptions, I can rise up further than ever before, without any over-emotional engagement, and simply take a snapshot of everything around me, everything that interconnects with who I am and learn.
I love to learn, the more I learn the more empowered I feel. I stay busy, but more so, what keeps me busy is extremely satisfying on a personal level. Learning new skills, and developing old ones make me feel complete beyond anything anyone else could emotionally or physically can offer me.
I let my thoughts wander where they will, if I find something of use I plunder it, if it’s simply self-hatred I wait for it to burn out, but through either process I continue with my life, no matter what. It’s all a window of opportunity, or rather an opportunity to learn about my life, and even life in general. Perhaps I am a man on a mission, a personal one, all I know is that it is what I do.
I believe that most of the treatments I have had has been as damaging as my former bouts (years at a time) of suicidal depression. Once the medical profession let go I learned to accept my hatred of existence, and of being, until I was able to pin point exactly why. For me, in essence, it is the individual’s inability to effect change in the world they live in, the nonsense fed into my subconscious via a gamut of world media bias and opinion, and perhaps even the ineffectual cycle of society to do more than merely repair itself (and that a rarity in itself).
I’m not depressed now, nor am I angry, I may have no influence over the world at large, but slowly over time I too have learned to appreciate what I do have, and all the experiences that come of my environment and close contact with those I love. Life is a miracle, perhaps even an impossibility when viewed in the context of a universal ‘everything’, yet here it is, here we are.
Silence helps too, perhaps it’s a little piece of Zen sneaking in these days, but all I know is that on the few occasions I experience it, it is an elating experience.
This is the first time I have discussed depression with anyone else who has had direct experience since a friend at The Priory who was found dead the morning after. Guilt can play a big part in depression. I used to wonder, if we hadn’t talked would she be alive, now I don’t, now I simply accept. No matter how irrational that may seem, the truth is it is what it is, and I no longer live in hope/fear, I live here and now, where the action is, and it’s neither thrilling nor depressing. It’s not too warm or too cold, it’s exactly who I am, exactly where I am, in my life.
Thanks for the great post, I appreciate the chance to speak about what is mainly still considered taboo in the world. I’m glad to discover there are a few rational souls out there who have learned in their own unique way it is possible to recompose and continue on with a productive life.
#24 by Revellian at December 9th, 2008
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Thank you for sharing this Paul,
It sounds lie you’ve been through a lot and know yourself well. I learned that I really cannot change the world nor expect anyone to bend to my beliefs, so I really don’t even try. I just live my life, help others when I can and don’t worry about everything like I once did. The world is filled with greed, misery, hatred and everything else, but I can only control myself – not anyone else.
One thing I do not do is endlessly fixate on my past or guilt, I let go of it all. I find the more I talk about my inner pain, the longer and more intense it is. I have basically written all I can about depression. It’s out of my system and I now concentrate on living positively.