I staggered across this great site Perception Lab, which offers awesome cool and free face morphing tools. See what you look like in old age, as a child, as a different race or many other options – very cool indeed. This is one of the better face morph sites I’ve run across.
I’ve always wondered how I would look as a manly lesbian woman (eat your heart out Ellen!!!) hahahaha:
The house directly across the street is a rental property and many weird neighbors have come and gone. None have provided such a disgusting spectacle as the freaks that finally moved out today – thank God they are finally gone.
Around three months ago, I walked outside to check the mail; what I saw roasted the fluids in my eyeballs, sending an Arctic chill of abhorrence across the landscapes of my crawling flesh. My new neighbors had a huge beach blanket on the grass – not close to the home, but near the street! The hideously ugly woman looked to be in her 60′s wearing a string bikini with thong bottoms and weighed in at a gargantuan 400 pounds (181 KG). Her boyfriend looked around 25, really skinny and pale, wearing some of those offensively tiny European style swimming trunks. He had one of those punk rock chicken haircuts and sported nipple rings with red feathers hanging from them – I almost vomited.
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I’m taking a break from my usual brutal politics and revulsion of Obama and McCain to talk about something fun: What Bobby Revell Eats Everyday.
I was raised on a traditional southern American diet; lots of meat, cheese, butter, thickened fatty sauces, chocolate, sugar, eggnog and fried chicken. As a young boy, my mother prepared my favorite breakfast every morning: Three gargantuan bacon, egg yolk, butter, cheese and mayonnaise sandwiches deep fried in a thick crust! Each mammoth delight had 12 strips of country bacon, five slices of cheese, six fried egg yolks, four heaping tablespoons of butter and topped in a profusely lush glaze of mayonnaise…YUM.
Since then, I stopped eating all pork because according to cannibals, pork tastes just like human meat. I cannot eat bacon, pork chops, pork roast, ham, pork hotdogs or anything from a disgusting feces eating pig. According to the Kaura tribe in the neighbourhood of Adelaide Australia in 1933, a roasted human infant tastes exactly like roasted pork tenderloin…yeech!
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Today is a sad day here in Long Beach, Mississippi. I woke up this morning and immediately caught a whiff of Mrs. Stankovich roasting a delicious town breakfast for us all. I put on my tattered overalls and rode my mule, Buckwild, seven miles to the town feeding trough. She prepared my favorite, charcoal grilled Great Horned Owl topped with a refreshing, nostril dilating menthol-garlic gravy. Since childhood, the tender flesh of owl has been the standard of delicious cuisine around this area. It was scrumptious.
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After my previous story, The Fruity Pebbles Nightmare, I felt like I needed to share a picture of Maria. Like I said, she was kicked in the face by a Clydesdale horse and doesn’t look right. She did win Ms. Aberrant Oddity 2008 at the Mississippi state fair – it was quite wonderful. Her family rents her out to children’s birthday parties for $1500.00, which is a really good price. They fill her face with pistachio ice-cream, using her as a human serving bowl – the kids always get a real kick out of it. She is really nice, but it totally freaks me out when she smokes…I wish I had a copy of the video. I often tease her by asking, “Does your face hurt?”
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Which do do think is a better place to go, heaven or hell? Let’s contemplate some unusual scenarios to find out. An old friend of mine, Damien Van Damne, died on the surgery room table after falling 10 stories onto a pile of razor sharp scrap metal; they ended up bringing him back to life.
After a few weeks of recovery, I visited him at the Miskatonic University Medical Center. This is what he told me (keep in mind he has no legs, no arms, a disfigured face, one lung was removed and his blood is filtered through dialysis because his kidneys are ruptured…somehow, he is upbeat and happy to be alive):
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I’ve been through some sticky situations in my life and have made some serious errors in judgment. I was around 22 years old and partying like a fool when a friend and I decided to grow marijuana. My friend’s name is Roy, but I will not reveal his last name as he probably wants no association with this article. All I can say is we were like dumb and dumber, though we had a lot of fun – what I can remember of it.
Our first attempt to grow pot went great. We read all the best books, which we ordered from the pinnacle of intelligence, High Times Magazine. I became a guerrilla farming expert in about a month. I could identify a magnesium deficiency at a glance and was an expert on parasites. I even mixed up my own natural bug repellent to spray on the plants so our product contained no insecticides. From that experience, I gained the knowledge to grow any plant, from vegetable to trees. I have a strong background in chemistry, so that knowledge came in handy for testing soil and so forth.
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Jun 28
Is it really possible to make money with Twitter? Does it really benefit your site? I think there’s a Twitter conspiracy going on behind the scenes. With government and military conspiracy theories going on all across the world, we are used to them. There’s the theory that the American government is ran by a secret group of individuals known as the Illuminati (the deepest inner core of the Freemasons). It is believed by some that all forms of mass media entertainment is a type of mass brainwashing to create brain dead citizens while the evil government enslaves it’s own citizens in a bloodthirsty quest for power and world domination. Maybe it’s not true and our votes really do count – now that’s a theory!
I’ve been using Twitter for a while. The entire time, I’ve been looking for a reason why. I kept thinking I had missed something and wasn’t getting all the benefits from it. This leads to the real question: why was it created and what is it’s real purpose?
The big money sites and seo experts love personal bloggers. It assures their success and guarantees a massive chunk of the Internet is automatically no threat to their ability to earn money. They don’t want everyone knowing the truth. They don’t want you critically thinking. They want you Twittering. While you read a blow by blow account of Billy Blogger’s hourly updates, the greed infested “experts” laugh hysterically – seven miles beneath the Earth’s crust in a secret back room – drinking champagne with all the world bankers.
He has spent $5000.00 on blog marketing books and seo training but has only earned $30.00 in three years. Google smartpriced his adsense so he will never reach the $100.00 threshold and get his first adsense check. Billy Blogger has reached the final, dreaded phase of twittering: he has become a twit. To understand the hidden nature of Twitter, you must know what twit means.
Twit – 1: An act of twitting: TAUNT 2: a silly annoying person: FOOL
As a verb, it means to make fun of. As a noun, it means to mock. It is the root of the word twitter, which means to talk in a chattering fashion (as a fool while being mocked by the elite). Can’t you see the hidden conspiracy? It’s time for us to wake up. Soon, the government will be implanting RFID Twitter tracking modules beneath our skin so we can twitter in a mesmerized, catatonic stupor of thoughtlessness.
While Billy Blogger still thinks he’ll make millions, he twitters insanely every 5 minutes:
Google buries Billy’s Internet profile in a special file named: CASE CLOSED 
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