I often see people struggling to find something to write about. I have the opposite problem; I have too many ideas and have to separate one from the collective, whittle away the unessentials and find some semblance of direction. I imagine carving away all those things unnecessary in my life – leaving splinters of anger and stress all over the floor. There I am, buried up to my neck, trying to crawl out of my own pile. While thinking, I remembered something that affected my personal life and how it helped me to become a stronger person.
Stress builds up in our lives and we must release it somehow. We hold it in, sometimes for years. Some of us unleash it on the people closest to us by screaming hurtful things at them, trying to balance the hatred and angst we hold within ourselves. Then we read articles about relieving stress. They tell us we need a massage, exercise, psychotherapy, a hot bath in a dark room filled with candles, soothing music and God. All of these things may help, but I see another way.
Before stress even begins, we must learn to let go of thoughts that fester and nurture stress. It has a lot to do with whether we, in some way, decide to be stressed or not. Ultimately, we decide how we feel. If we allow other people and situations to control how we cope, we lose. We fall prey to the intentions of others, not ourselves.
A paramedic friend of mine became so stressed out from his job, that he attempted suicide to kill the inner pain he was suffering. I’ll tell you what happened so you will understand why:
The Man Who Destroyed Himself
A few years ago, a medical emergency was phoned in. He tried to avoid going to the scene because it was his brother who had called. He wanted another paramedic team to handle it because of the stress of dealing with his own family. It’s generally a good idea for EMS workers to not handle their relatives’ emergencies. Unfortunately, no one else was available, so he had to go.
His brother and sister-in-law’s new born baby was choking on a plastic hair clip and couldn’t breathe. He placed the infant on his forearm angled towards the floor, giving gentle but forceful taps to the infant’s back (the standard technique, please don’t attempt this yourself without proper medical training). The baby was blue, fighting for life. He did everything he could, but the baby suffocated and died.
He followed procedure and did everything he could possibly do. He has over 25 years experience and had similar experiences before. His brother and sister-in-law blamed him for the death. Imagine the anguish this man lived through. Eventually, it became unbearable as his family never forgave him. He turned to alcohol and drugs, sinking into the wretched claws of intense depression. He attempted to kill himself with painkillers but survived. He lost his career and his wife left him, siding with his brother. To this day, he has not recovered and has destroyed himself. I haven’t seen him in over a year.
Solutions and Reasons
This is a real world example of self-inflicted stress and depression. Yes, what happened to him was horrific. Yes, his unforgiving family was wrong for blaming him. I don’t want to sound insensitive, but it is his fault for allowing this to destroy him. He wasn’t prepared to cope with such a situation – that is the key. He could recover if he learned how to.
The point is, being prepared with strong life coping skills is something we all need. Perhaps if he had a forgiving and understanding family, none of this would have happened in quite the same way. Envision yourself in the same exact situation; furthermore, imagine how you would handle it.
This post is not about alleviating stress, it’s about preventing it by having strong coping skills. I’m not saying we shouldn’t have heartache, but we cannot allow that heartache to continually linger – thus, destroying our lives. It takes a great understanding of family and relationship dynamics to get through a dark event like this.
Every element in the situation feeds off of one other. We must throw a wrench into the gears to stop this perpetual stress machine. We must allow ourselves to heal and not hold in self blame. We must let go of it and be strong – without feeling guilty. All it would take, is if my paramedic friend to be strong and truly let go – being an example of personal love. If only one person in his family came to the rescue and forgave him could also be the key. Something must change for healing. Keep doing the same thing and you’ll get the same results – a self-perpetuating cycle of gloom.
The answer in nearly all situations is love. We must love ourselves. Be your own best friend and forgive yourself. Be compassionate to yourself and everyone in your life. Sometimes we have to end relationships, but we cannot hold the feelings in – as you can see, it destroys lives and allows no room for living. To me, this has more to do with spiritual growth than in does mental or psychological. Don’t ever be afraid of seeking help. You can find it professionally, from friends, family or a friendly blogger. There are wonderful people everywhere who can help you. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, come to me – I’ll help you in anyway I can.
Remember, don’t feel guilty about not feeling guilty – it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person because you can get over things. To make it through life, you must learn to help yourself and not be afraid to ask for help. Be strong and have a wonderful day!
