Revellian

Thoughts and Fiction of Bobby Revell

Posts Tagged food nutrition

What Bobby Revell Eats Everyday

Oct 1

Posted by Bobby Revell in Humor, Nutrition - Health

I’m taking a break from my usual brutal politics and revulsion of Obama and McCain to talk about something fun: What Bobby Revell Eats Everyday.

I was raised on a traditional southern American diet; lots of meat, cheese, butter, thickened fatty sauces, chocolate, sugar, eggnog and fried chicken. As a young boy, my mother prepared my favorite breakfast every morning: Three gargantuan bacon, egg yolk, butter, cheese and mayonnaise sandwiches deep fried in a thick crust! Each mammoth delight had 12 strips of country bacon, five slices of cheese, six fried egg yolks, four heaping tablespoons of butter and topped in a profusely lush glaze of mayonnaise…YUM.

Since then, I stopped eating all pork because according to cannibals, pork tastes just like human meat. I cannot eat bacon, pork chops, pork roast, ham, pork hotdogs or anything from a disgusting feces eating pig. According to the Kaura tribe in the neighbourhood of Adelaide Australia in 1933, a roasted human infant tastes exactly like roasted pork tenderloin…yeech!
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Lab Grown In Vitro Meat – Hamburger Horror

Jun 5

Posted by Bobby Revell in Humor, Nutrition - Health, horror

I was eating a hamburger earlier, and while crushing the meat fibers with my powerful muscle driven molars, I wondered what the animal’s life was like. Did anyone ever pet the poor beast? Did anyone scratch behind it’s fly attracting ears? Did it have a name? Was it ever loved? I gnawed another bite of animal flesh and a little roasted blood drizzled down my chin…mmm…yummy fluids. A man wearing a funeral-black suit sat in the booth with me on the opposite side – facing me. He said, “Hello, it’s nice to meet you, I’m Fernando Giovanni McDonnell; half Italian, half Scottish owner of McDonnell Meat Corporation. I saw you enjoying the delicious succulence of our best hamburger – I’m a psychic by the way – I could tell by your expression exactly what you’re thinking.”

“It’s nice to meat you Fernando, I’m Bobby,” I said, choking down another sliver of fried bovine, “So you’re psychic huh? Please…do tell, what am I thinking?”

“You’re wondering about the animal flesh in your mouth. You’re wondering who the animal is,” he pulled a picture out of his inner suit pocket and slammed it down on the table, “Meet Samuel…the beast from which meat was shredded – from his bones – machine strewn, chopped, whipped, blended and digitally fabricated into the scrumptious patty you’re now masticating.”

I picked a hair from between my teeth – flicking it onto Fernando’s suit. He scowled slightly and began laughing, “Haha…I guess we didn’t rinse Samuel’s meat correctly, an occasional hair gets through.”

I replied, “If I do masticate, I do it at home…in private, with the curtains drawn and lights off. Back to the hair, that was no bovine hair. I know bovine hair when I see it. That…Fernando…was a human pubic hair. I know a pubic hair when I see one; nonetheless, please tell me Samuel’s story.”

We both looked at the picture of Samuel – I paid particular attention to the flower in his mouth and happy go lucky look in his eyes. Fernando said, “Masticating means to grind the meat into a swallowable pulp…aka chewing – back to Samuel – well, no one ever loved him. No one ever petted him. No one ever cared about him either. ”

“How freaking heartbreaking,” I said.

Fernando turned towards the kitchen door, yelling, “Anthony, get your ass over here.”

A young guy dressed in blood sodden butcher’s garb walked out with a meat cleaver in his hand. He said, “What? I’m real busy killing killing a baby calf for our veal burgers.”

“Anthony, meet Bobby, he’s eating Samuel.”

“It’s really nice to meet you Bobby,” said Anthony, “I’m the guy who killed Samuel and hacked his body up into it’s respective cuts.”

I took another bite of my hamburger…I mean Samuelburger and asked, “How did you kill him?”

Anthony wickedly smiled, “With a sledgehammer. He didn’t die the first time I hit him,” I took another bite of Samuel, chewing feverishly while Anthony continued, “The first time I hit him, I pulverized his eye socket and blood splattered all over my face…it got all up in my eyes. And dude, that shit burns. You ever got cattle blood in your eyes? Anyway, he groaned in hellish agony…I mean the thing was screaming in pain! He staggered a few steps and tried to run. I used to just cut their heads off on a band saw while standing there alive, but we have an old one and you can’t get blades for it anymore. So I took a machete and chopped one of his legs off. He fell down and went into convulsions. I hit him…must’ve been 30 more times. When I finally finished, his head was beaten flat into the pavement – blood everywhere, buzzards circling above – it was a stomach wrenching nightmare. One of the trainees puked when he saw it…spineless green pea. We actually had to use a forklift to peel his carcass off the hot blacktop – his blood was already starting to cook. We killed him around an hour ago, I’ve been grinding up his meat ever since. Overall, he had a miserable life all jacked up on steroids…and then was ruthlessly beaten to death – heartlessly and without remorse. Hell, I enjoyed killing the stupid thing.”

I took my last bite, and washed it down with a sip of sparkling iced tea, “Ah…that hit the spot. What part of Samuel’s carcass was used to make the hamburger patty I just ate?”

Rolling his eyes, Anthony scratched his chin with bloody fingernails while a sliver of raw flesh dangled from the hairs on the back of his hand, “I’m not really sure, I think it was the left shoulder.”

I looked at Fernando and said, “Samuel was delicious, one of the best burgers I’ve ever tasted; however, I will not pay for my meal, there was a pubic hair on my bun.”

“Hahaha…” Anthony said laughing, “I’m sorry, that’s one of my sister’s pubic hairs…Carnillia, get out here!”

A beautiful red haired woman walked out, giggling, “It’s my pubic hair, I put one on every man’s hamburger…hehe.”

I replied, “Well, in that case…I’ll let it slide. It was quite silky – do you use a conditioner?”

“Yes!” she said, “I use a homemade mixture of Vaseline and jasmine flowers…I hope you enjoyed it. We forgot to change the name on the menu to fur burger.”

I must admit, my visit to McDonnell’s Butcher & Burger Heaven was quite interesting, I may go back tomorrow.

Lab Grown Meat

Have you heard about lab grown meat? Scientists all over the world are working on this concept, and astronauts are being currently fed this petri dish delicacy. When I started writing this post, I was just going to write about lab grown meat, but got carried away and wrote a morbid story instead. I don’t know what happened. I was watching “Pulp Fiction” for the 727th time while writing – listening to Samuel L. Jackson talk about why he didn’t eat pork. Like Samuel (I named my character after the noted actor), I don’t eat pork either. I don’t eat pork, bacon, pork sausage or anything from a pig. Years ago, I met a group of cannibals who were actually part of a tribal musical group, They told me that pork meat tastes exactly like human meat, thus ruining my appetite for pork forever.

Lab grown meat is actually known as in vitro meat, isn’t that appetizing? It all started when cosmetic companies were looking to test their chemicals on flesh other than human. Then animal rights activists got all riled up and forced them to actually grow skin to test their chemicals. See the chart below (I downloaded this picture six months ago, but cannot find the site I got it from – I’ll happily give credit if I can find the original site, the author is apparently a guy named John Lawson):

lab grown meat

lab grown meat

Isn’t that strange? Did you know that the chemical laden skin moisturizing sunscreen you’re currently spackling on your body was tested on actual human flesh grown in a petri dish? It should give you comfort that a poor animal wasn’t used. For actual in vitro meat, check out the chart below:

in vitro meat

in vitro meat

Here are the steps: 1. Scaffold-based cultured meat production: 1. Myoblasts in petri dish; 2. Porous collagen microspheres; 3. Myoblasts form myotubes on collagen microspheres; 4. Bioreactor; 5. Microwave; 6. Hamburger.

Eventually, entire muscles will be grown in labs – like a sheep’s buttocks muscle in an incubator with clear plastic blood vessels hanging out of it – blood pumped into it by a Jarvik artificial heart. Sounds grotesque? Well, it couldn’t be more grisly than eating an animal who was beaten to death with a hammer. Now enjoy your steak and pass the ketchup.

*The laboratory hamburger picture and text below it is from Would You Like to Eat ‘Cultured’ Meat? (originally from the University of Maryland) – a fantastic article by Roland Piquepaille. Make sure you read it…it’s fascinating.

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Simplistic Nutrition For a Healthy Life

Nov 27

Posted by Bobby Revell in Nutrition - Health, life personal

Living healthy is always much easier to talk about than to actually accomplish. I haven’t shared this aspect of my life here on this blog. Since I have gone through so many changes here lately, now is the time!

I have had a life time fascination with nutrition from majoring in biochemistry/food nutrition in college, to yoga, martial arts to managing a health food store – I have spent much time on this subject. I have done my share of unhealthy things but have reached a point in my life where I cannot put pollutants in my body.

Vitamins and Minerals

Do you need to take vitamin and mineral supplements? I believe it’s a good idea to take a multi-vitamin everyday. Make sure the vitamin passes a standard dissolution test. This is simply to assure that it actually dissolves in the digestive tract. It should say on the bottle that it does! Many popular supplements pass through the system giving you expensive urine!

I personally take 1000 mg of Ester-C (in my opinion is the best form of vitamin C) every day. I also take a beta-carotene supplement (the precursor of vitamin A). Vitamin A is not water soluble and can be poisonous! Beta-carotene is converted into vitamin A as needed. Finally I take an oil based vitamin E gelcap. I take all of these with a meal for maximum absorption.

Anti-oxidants

The above supplements pretty much have it covered. I recommend not to go herb and vitamin crazy as many people do. Lots of fads come and go while many advertisers of course, try to capitalize on you by selling you tons of unnecessary and sometimes detrimental supplements! You don’t need to waste your money on all that junk.

Aside from beta-carotene, vitamin-E and vitamin-C, the following are my personal loves for healthy living!

Green Tea

green-tea-plantation.jpg

Ah yes! In my opinion, after a lifetime of studies, nothing is healthier than delicious green tea! It is ultra rich in natural anti-oxidants. They mostly consist of polyphenols and catechin (which has powerful anti-cancer benefits).

Green Tea is by far my number one, daily beverage. I love it hot or cold and never does a day go by that I don’t have some. Americans drink brown tea (fermented tea) which is healthy but no where close to green tea. While I could write all day about the benefits (antibacterial, antiviral, anti-cancer) I prefer a simple approach.

If you tend to drink brown tea which is heavily sweetened, take it upon yourself to switch. Once you get used to drinking green tea, you will acquire a taste for it. I never add sweetener or lemon. I have learned to enjoy the natural aroma and delicious quality in it’s most natural state.

If there is only one thing you ever do in your life for health, green tea is by far my #1 choice. It’s anti-oxidants are hundreds of times more powerful than both vitamin-C or E. When you’re sick or taking antibiotics, green tea can compliment the effects and make it even more effective.

Compared side by side with orange juice, green tea is by far the better choice. That is not my opinion, it is a fact. I love it so much, I drink it several times per day and could never say enough about it! In America, you can buy it in any grocery store.

If you’re wondering how a popular brand like Lipton Green Tea compares to imported brands, it is fine. Lipton makes a very high quality product which is just as good as any from a health food store usually sold at a much higher price. If you are from Asia…well, you guys have it made. Green tea is the most popular beverage in most Asian countries and Americans should start drinking it every day, if they aren’t already!

Sugar

Most of us love sugar and candy, but it is not good for you. I highly recommend against consuming sugar in large quantities. Sugar is bad for you. It rots your teeth and causes more health problems than any other single product on Earth. Alcohol is bad, but sugar in many respects, is worse!

Advertisers love to sell sugar and people love to eat it. Remember, no matter what you think, sugar is by far the worse thing you can eat next to saturated fat.

What happens to excess sugar in your body? It is converted into fat in the liver through a process called lipogenesis. Then, it is stored on your body as fat! Eating fat doesn’t make you fat, eating excess sugar is what makes you gain excess fat in most cases. Genetics play a large role in stored body fat. No matter your case, eliminate sugar (especially in soft drinks) from your diet.

Fat

Fats and oils are not bad for you. Just certain kinds are bad. You have probably heard of HDL (high density lipoproteins) and LDL (low density lipoproteins). Just remember high is good, low is bad! Milk fat(drink skim milk or low fat) and red meat are loaded with LDL or trans-fatty acids which clog your arteries. Cold water fish and fresh nuts are loaded with HDL, which actually remove cholesterol from your body.

I don’t eat much red meat and I don’t eat pork of any kind. According to cannibals, pork tastes exactly like human! That’s why I don’t like pork…yeeeeech. I mostly eat poultry and fish (fish is my favourite meat). Vegetarians have to be careful of protein deficiency by eating legumes or taking a protein supplement.

Olive oil is really good for you. It is loaded with mono-unsaturated fat and nice big amounts of oleic acid which is very good for you.Try to get extra virgin, cold pressed olive oil and consume it every day.

My all time favourite fat is flax seed oil. It is the most beneficial of all oils in the human diet. To keep it simple, just remember that flax seed oil has all the good fat you will need in one source. Loaded with linolenic acid (which is found in mother’s milk), flax oil is my #1 pick for an oil supplement. It should be cold pressed. It is stored cold in the store. I take a tablespoon full with every meal.

A Balanced diet

What does that mean, a balanced diet? I would say from a nutritionist standpoint, it means that meals should be balanced with proteins, carbohydrates and fats. With diabetes being so prevelant, it is important to eat meals balanced this way.

Here’s a real world example you can understand. If you eat a baked potato, an hour or so later, your blood sugar will spike. During this time, the excess sugar is converted into fat as I discussed earlier. To prevent this, the potato should be eaten with both protein and fat!

This slows down the digestion of the starches (sugars) and causes the blood sugar to stay even! This is my #1 health tip of all when it comes to blood sugar control. This is necessary for diabetics and will help those of you who don’t have diabetes from ever getting it. This is where our good friend flax seed oil can help. Taking a tablespoonful of flax oil with every meal is very good at evening out blood sugar which is great for your health.

It may sound crazy, but if you are trying to lose weight, adding flax oil can help you out immensely. Adding fat to your diet can actually help you lose weight! Read up on how diabetic patients should eat and you will find the BEST way to lose weight. I cannot say enough about how important it is to keep and maintain blood sugar levels.

Fresh whole foods and diets

No matter what I say about supplements, nothing is more important than eating fresh, whole foods in their natural form. Fresh vegetables and fruits should be a part of everyone’s diet. The world we live in isn’t perfect and many fresh veggies don’t have all the nutrients they should because of poor farming methods depleting many minerals from the soil.

Many of you have developed a fast life style on the run, and eating whole, natural foods is next to impossible. We get lazy and who wants to cook a super nutritious meal 3 times a day? All I’m asking is that you take some time to consider your health. It is what will keep you here to enjoy your life!

It’s really not that hard to eat at least one healthy meal per day. It just takes practice and developing a habit.

I only have one thing to say about diets. I call it the “D” word. The fact is, if you go on a diet, you’ll go off of the diet. It is better to adopt solid nutrition habits that you employ everyday as part of your life. Don’t over do it and try to make drastic changes overnight.

Keep it simple! I hope this little post is helpful to some of you. Though I am pretty much a health food junkie, I rarely discuss it. I was trying to think of a interesting post that I could write quickly off the top of my head (my favourite way to write) and boom! Here you have it!

Coming up, I’ll be writing much more on this fascinating subject! I’ll be featuring links and other sources to help get you interested in health and well being. I feel great today and this is the most positive thing I’ve written in a while. ENJOY :mrgreen:

The beautiful photo of a Green Tea Plantation is from Marmot.blogs.com

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