Posts Tagged love

Symphony of Love

Falling into love
chasm’s deep endless
into one another
catacombs of lonely-together
death as our guide

Climbing up love
crisp warm spire
cool flow sunward
tightrope walkers
under stormed vertex; trembling

To settle down; settle up
or side paths; climaxed horizons
treading desire
journey of obliquity
parallel submersion; supreme into flat

Ingress between love
slabs of rainbows smiling tears
to shroud one another
an uprush sculpture
an inflow release

Explosion of eight winds; frigid gushed inferno
implosion of all sins; together free alone
let’s pay the price
let’s afford the pain
let us burn expansive
and die in the rain

A side-path of passion
slow smolder; churn as ember
weaving affection’s twill
let us design, construct, compose
and just be
symphony of love

Happy Valentine’s Day to all

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The Countryclub Bartender Affair

Emerald beards of grass bladed sweet under apricot sky; cotton candy breeze, banana sun and warmth healing forlorn hearts–or tearing them apart. It was 6 AM. Too early for liquor, beer and millionaire golfers but I was the country club bartender. The gated community of Windance was stained with vicious rumors, ego-maniacal fools and blistering women. Mornings were nice–filling ice chests with Budweiser, Heineken and Coors–chatting with the early birds. The older ladies came in scented of coconut sunscreen wanting cups of water with lemon to perfume sulfured artesian.
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Tacit Attraction

I first met Sabrina in the winter of 2003–accidentally and when I least expected. I spent a few afternoons per week in the International House of Pancakes for lunch, not because I loved it, but for convenience; close to campus and a pleasurable beach walk, becoming a quiet place of solace. I was emotionally shattered–the word lonely tattooed across my forehead . . . was it that obvious?
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Tears and a Kitten Named Sammy

Searing wind gushed through my hair as I drove along the 1-40 connector – my trembling fingers barely able to hold the steering wheel – my life falling apart. My air-conditioner stopped working minutes earlier, adding layers of torment to an already scarring afternoon. I cannot believe they fired me. I went through the memory over and over…how could they care so little? Why does this always happen to me?
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Blog Action Day: Poverty and my Solution

Thanks to my good friend Mitchell Allen for reminding me today is Blog Action Day and the subject is poverty; read his fine article Poverty Inaction. This is a particularly difficult subject for me and is impossible to write about without getting on my political soapbox. Poverty along with hunger holds a special place in my heart and I wish it didn’t exist. I donate food, clothes and money to the poor; not just to Americans, but to other countries like Africa. Poverty is horrifying particularly if you live in a place where you really have no options.
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Interview With a Blind Homeless Man

A few months ago, I was invited by a coworker to come to an outdoor picnic. I had an uneasy feeling about going, but accepted because he was so insistent. He is a married guy with six kids – being single, I feel weird hanging out with a bunch of married people.

To my surprise, the event was sponsored by a local Christian church. I felt really uncomfortable because I thought they would try to convert me to Christianity, something I really wasn’t prepared to deal with. I live in an area of the US known as the bible belt, so I guess I’m used to it. The main reason I went was because my friend Jason wanted me to meet his sister, who hadn’t arrived at that point as she was running late.

I noticed an old homeless man standing nearby. He was struggling just to walk and was blind. He asked a few people if he could have something to eat because he was weak and very hungry. One of the church members said, “Leave you filthy old man, you stink. Leave or we will call the police.”

The old man replied, “I’m so sorry sir,” and began walking away, using a mop stick to feel the ground.

I felt really bad about it. The guy who rudely told him to leave said, “Can you believe that? Every time we have a cook out, a goddamn trashy low life comes crawling out of the woodwork trying to leech a free meal off of us.”

I was shocked and thought everyone else would’ve been too, but they weren’t. My friend Jason and his wife agreed, telling their children to stay away from the old man so they wouldn’t catch a disease from him. I was so offended! I became angry and tried to avoid saying anything but couldn’t help it. I said, “I thought you people were supposed to be Christians. Aren’t you supposed to help people? I’m looking around and everyone here drives expensive cars, wears designer clothes and act really superficial.”

Jason said, “That old man isn’t a person, he’s trash. We can’t feed every vagrant that walks up.”

I replied, “I cannot believe how callous you people are. Real Christians don’t worry about material things and are supposed to love every human being…unconditionally.”

Disgusted, I walked away from the discussion, preparing myself a plate full of food and a cup of apple juice. I brought it to the homeless man and we sat down on the ground while he ate. The crowd stared at me in disbelief, offended at what I had done. I talked to the old man for quite a while, and wanted to share what I remember of the conversation. I decided to present it in an interview format for ease of understanding:

Me: How long have you been blind?

Old man: I was born blind. My parents pretty much rejected me at a young age. I’m really sorry about begging for food, but I haven’t eaten in three days. I suffer from dementia, and being blind makes things so much more difficult.

Me: So you’ve never been able to see your entire life? You’ve heard of words like ugly, pretty, fat, stupid? What do those words mean to you?

Old Man: Yes, I’ve heard those words, but I don’t understand what they mean. People don’t understand…I have never seen anything so I don’t have a concept of what things look like. It’s so strange to have someone ask me about that. No one has ever asked me about that. I don’t know much, but I do know I’ve been called many of those words. I don’t get upset when someone calls me old, stupid or whatever because I don’t know what it really means when describing a person.

Me: You go by smell or sound mostly huh? When you hear someone speak, do you feel a certain way about them because of the sound of their voice?

Old Man: No. People all sound different. I go by what they say and how they say it. Some people are mean or rude. Some people speak kindly. Some women smell pretty like flowers, and some don’t. I wish I could see, but I got over it years ago. You are so lucky to have eyes that work.

Me: No my friend, you are the lucky one. If you could see, you’d know why people are cruel and treat others based solely on what they look like. People who see, live their lives based on it. They like nice clothes, cars, houses, pretty things and so forth. Every one of those things are unimportant and irrelevant. People live their lives based on what they see on TV or in magazines.

Old man: I’ve never watched TV of course. I can read braille, but really don’t understand much of it because many stories are about what things look like. I don’t know what anything looks like. Thank you very much for helping me today, you are a very kind person. Just from talking to you, I feel like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. Thank you.

Me: No…thank you sir, you are the luckiest man alive and I will never forget you.

He smiled and we shook hands. I offered to drive him somewhere but he immediately cut me off. He wanted no more help from me and slowly walked off into the woods. It may seem strange that I got into a philosophical conversation with him, but it does happen to me quite often. I couldn’t help but wonder what the world would be like if we were all blind. There would be no ugly, fat, short, black, white, pretty or any other superficial judgments. It was a powerful experience and I am truly thankful for having met him. All those people missed out on something truly meaningful because they were filled with so much hatred and bigotry. I do realize these people are not representative of all Christians, but only one small group. I know in my heart that not all of them were like that; someone had to appreciate my actions.

My friend Jason hasn’t since spoken to me for embarrassing him in front of his church group. It doesn’t bother me at all. I would be embarrassed to be like him. Just so you know, I never did meet his sister and don’t even know if she is aware of me giving my food to that old man. I read in the newspaper a few days ago that the old blind man was found dead on the side of the road. He died from dehydration and had been there for a few days before they found his body.

All my life, things like this have happened to me. This is why I am not materialistic. While watching TV earlier, all I saw was perfect, beautiful people; living perfect, beautiful lives. Everyone has perfect hair, expensive clothes and perfectly straight white teeth, capped with expensive porcelain veneers. All I could think is how ugly it all is, how shallow people are and how this world is filled with superficial ideals. My friend J.C. in his post, On-Line Television, put his TV in the closet. I’m not quite ready to do that yet, but there’s not much on it I want to see anymore.

It’s so funny how animals, like cats and dogs, don’t care about what things look like. They love you unconditionally. In many respects, people just aren’t as smart as animals.

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Storm of Tears

I was driving along the beach last night and decided to stop for a little while. I took my shoes off and walked down to the water’s edge and sat down. I never go to the beach anymore, especially at night, as it reminds me of my an ex-girlfriend. It was warm, but a nice balmy breeze rolled across my face as I stared into the starry sky.

I thought about my life. I thought about how I had to sever ties with so many friends the past few years. Nearly every friend I’ve ever had has either moved away , died, gone to prison or are drug addicts. I don’t judge people for using drugs and I have used them myself. I grew up and no longer do things like that. If someone is using drugs and especially if they carry them around in their pockets, I cannot be their friend. I’ve seen many of my friends go to prison and many have died from them; however, I can and will help any of them if they want it. As I looked into the sky, I felt relieved that I am strong enough to make wise decisions no matter how much they hurt.

I watched shrimp boats off in the distance and felt a sadness in my heart. I realized how alone I am in my life. I have my family and my blogging buddies – that’s all I have. I was thinking about how many people I know who are happily married with families and how they celebrate life. My life is so different than theirs. It’s extremely difficult to not be bitter when people have wonderful relationships – while your own life is filled with rejection and unbelievable disappointments.

Imagine that you’re starving and someone is telling you about their new house, new sports car and how they just ate a huge meal – all the while, you’re sick and stomach is extremely empty. Imagine being poor and unable to buy your children a toy. Someone then tells you about how they received endless Christmas gifts. You tell them how wonderful it must be for them – inside you are in pain, holding back a storm of tears. Bitterness is like fire, it engulfs your soul and fills you with sadness. It can destroy your life.

Storm of Tears

Storm of Tears

I choose to not be bitter. I choose to not allow myself to feel bad because someone has a great life. Instead, I will celebrate with them. I congratulate them and truly mean what I say. I choose to not hold sadness in my heart. So I sat thinking all this while staring into the midnight sky. The place that used to bring me pain and only remind me of lost love has taken on new meaning. I feel like I am just starting to love my life and myself. I felt tears well up and one trickled down my cheek. At that very moment, a shooting star blazed across the heavens. I wished that I would find my soul mate – someone to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t necessarily believe in such wishes, but that shooting star came at such a strange time. I sat there crying, sitting in the sand. It started to rain soon after, and I cried even more. It seemed that every drop of rain were tears from the bottom of my soul. Lightning struck the water and tentacles of electric fire danced across the waves. I smiled and awaited the thunder.

The lightning picture is from Moonsheep.

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Love Hate Circumambulate

I was tagged by Marzie and Bobo on this love hate meme (a replicating post that moves from blog to blog building a chain of links and relies on propagation through tagging a new list of bloggers to join in – the Revellian definition…hehe)

1. I love to eat: Thinker’s Tripe – butter sauteed medulla oblongata drizzled over a bed of freshly slaughtered sheep brains…yummy!
2. I hate to eat: with some weirdo staring at me
3. I love to go: inside a warm home when my keeper allows me
4. I hate to go: beddie bye without a bowl of chocolate ice cream
5. I love it when: A chef washes his hands before handling my food
6. I hate it when: A grubby, unbathed and stinky person coughs into their hand and then wants to shake mine…gross!!!!
7. I love to see: beyond…with my third eye
8. I hate to see: ugly hairs hanging from someone’s nostrils
9. I love to hear: the terrifying sounds of a violent thunderstorm…yeah!!!
10. I hate to hear: alcoholic police officers talking bad about crackheads

I tag nobody but do it if you want!

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