I never go on blind dates after a previous disaster, but I did sort of know the girl, so I’ll call it a half blind date. A friend I used to work with insisted I go out with his sister which I thought was unusual because I would never have fixed my sister up with any of my friends!
I really want to say her real name, but out of respect for my buddy…I will refrain from such an action. This story is so ridiculous, you may think there is no possible way it is true. Even with a wild imagination like mine, I could never have made up such an insane night.
I picked Maria (not her real name but close to it) up at 7:30 pm to first go out to dinner. I was apprehensive about this date because I had heard different things about her – I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.
She is a very pretty Italian girl who was dressed to kill. When she got in my vehicle, I noticed she smelled of perfume, cigarettes and mouthwash. Wow…what an interesting combination! She asked me if I smoked and I told her I didn’t. Fidgeting her fingers nervously, she said she didn’t either. I knew she was lying but checking out her very sexy legs distracted me from such things…hehe.
She said, “Did you get us a hotel room for later?”
I was thinking omg…she is a wild child…just like I had heard. The truth is, I’m not looking for a girl like this. I decided to not make any judgments right off the bat. She said, “You aren’t answering me…I lied, I do smoke. I hope that doesn’t bother you…stop at the store right here so I can get some cigarettes!”
I pulled into the store and parked. As soon as I turned off the ignition, she started kissing me…so being an upstanding American guy…I asked no questions and let her. She said,”I’ll get some breath mints for later…hahaha!”
At this point, I hadn’t said a single word! She got her cigarettes and immediately lit one acting like a junkie getting a fix. I kept thinking…maybe she isn’t so bad…hahaha. I was actually wanting to go eat at TGI Fridays (I wonder who loves to eat there?) but she insisted we go to Waffle House! She acted like it was a matter of life or death that we eat there.
Personally, I never eat there, especially at the one we went to. She asked me during the midst of a one sided conversation, “Do you like coke?”
I said, “Coca-cola?”
“Hehehe…no silly…cocaine!” she replied laughing hysterically, “do you do coke?”
I said, “No. Please tell me you don’t have cocaine with you.”
She replied,”I’m just kidding…hehehe”
Again, I thought she was lying and began to think I was going to jail before the night was over. She opened up a pill bottle and dumped 3 little blue pills in her hand and took them all without a drink to wash them down. I then noticed she had chewed them up! She said, “Don’t worry, I have a prescription for valium!”
I read the label on the the pill bottle and at least she was telling the truth…I felt very uneasy with a girl this crazy, who chewed up her valium! Inside Waffle House, it became apparent that she knew the manager.
We both ordered orange juice while we looked over the menu. She hopped up and said, “Be back in a minute…by the way, the manager is my ex-boyfriend.”
She ran over and threw her arms around him. They passionately embraced for around two minutes as he glared at me with an evil scowl. I was on the verge of leaving her there and just going home. I was disappointed to say the least! I was not going to let it bother me…I actually found it funny and shook my head in disbelief. I wish I had filmed the date.
The waitress brought us the orange juice and Maria finally sat back down. I went to take a sip and noticed the stench of urine! I smelled her OJ…and then smelled mine again. Mine definitely had urine in it! Maria couldn’t smell the urine in mine. I said, “How could you smell it? You smoke and you just chewed up 3 pills!”
She said,”I’m sorry…If you don’t have a hotel room…we can go to my parents house in a little bit and I’ll make it up to you! We could go to your place if you like instead…I make a lot of noise when having sex…hehehe!”
I complained about my orange juice to the waitress. I saw her ex-boyfriend just staring at me…just starting to get on my nerves. I got up and said, “I’m leaving. If you want a ride home…you better come now.”
She looked at me like I was insane and insisted she had to use the bathroom first. She was in there 15 minutes! I got up and walked out. I saw her hug her ex as she waved for me to wait for her. Finally…she came out…looking exasperated.
I noticed an abrupt change in her behavior as soon as she got in my car. She was wired on cocaine! I was pissed off and started to bitch her out. Apparently, during our argument, her ex-boyfriend came outside to check on her. He started pounding on my window and tried to spit on me!
I immediately thought I was going to jail for assault as I was on the verge of getting really mad. I got out of my car and he backed away from me. She got out and started yelling in a frenetic manner. I was like…why me? How does this B.S. happen? He said, “I’m not afraid of you…I’ll whip your ass boy!
It was then that instead of getting mad, I busted out laughing…I mean serious laughing…tears running down my face. He then thew a wild punch at me…instead of putting him in the hospital…I threw him on the pavement. He landed on his face and chest…and just by chance, a cop was parked behind me!
Oh no…I couldn’t believe it! I was going to jail for sure. My heart was about to beat out of my chest. The cop did what I never expected…he arrested her ex-boyfriend for attacking me! Yay…I was lucky that the cop had seen the entire incident!
Maria asked me,”So…are we going to your place or mine?” (this girl was just stupid!!!!)
I got in my car and locked the doors…hahahahaha…I threw her purse onto the parking lot and left. This was without question, the WORST date I have ever had! I still cannot believe what happened. I don’t feel bad at all about it and I did make the right choice to leave her there.
If you have had a worse date than this…I would love to hear it. I just feel good that I made it out without getting in trouble. I’m proud of myself for not losing my cool. I must be getting older because I have never exercised such good control before! What do you think? Did I do the right thing? Is there something wiser I cold have done?
I am now Mr.Calm…hahaha!!!!!! 
